My partner of 5 months recently told me that she had unprotected sex with one of her partners that she had not seen in over a year. I asked if she had a discussion about the last time he was tested, and whether or not he has had unprotected sex with any of his other partners and she said no. Hygiene and safe sex are where I find my boundaries. We have a non hierarchical open relationship, and when we first started seeing each other I let he know that I don't want to control any aspect of her life, but that I did not want to be exposed to STI risks any more than I have to, and I also do not want to have intimate contact with her after she has been with someone else unless she bathes.
As of now I do not have any other partners, and we have had unprotected sex since we knew that I was not sexually active with anyone else, and she had been using protection when she occasionally had sex with other people (maybe three time since we got together). This kind of made me feel special, but this was my own illusion.
As of now I need to decide if this is a deal breaker for me, since I consider the behavior risky and irresponsible. I asked her if she thinks it was a mistake, and whether or not she would do it again, and she defensively stated "well if you have a problem with it, either stop having sex with me or just use protection if we do". I was a little bit hurt that she would dismiss our intimate relationship so easily, whereas now I am quite attached to her, and love her very much.
The fact is that she told me, is a good thing. If she didn't and I found out after having unprotected sex with her, then I would probably immediately end the relationship. But it is her body and her choice of whether or not to use protection, but at the same time it makes me feel a bit uneasy, since she acted like it's no big deal, and that it is only a problem since I personally think it was a risky move.
Any thoughts?
As of now I do not have any other partners, and we have had unprotected sex since we knew that I was not sexually active with anyone else, and she had been using protection when she occasionally had sex with other people (maybe three time since we got together). This kind of made me feel special, but this was my own illusion.
As of now I need to decide if this is a deal breaker for me, since I consider the behavior risky and irresponsible. I asked her if she thinks it was a mistake, and whether or not she would do it again, and she defensively stated "well if you have a problem with it, either stop having sex with me or just use protection if we do". I was a little bit hurt that she would dismiss our intimate relationship so easily, whereas now I am quite attached to her, and love her very much.
The fact is that she told me, is a good thing. If she didn't and I found out after having unprotected sex with her, then I would probably immediately end the relationship. But it is her body and her choice of whether or not to use protection, but at the same time it makes me feel a bit uneasy, since she acted like it's no big deal, and that it is only a problem since I personally think it was a risky move.
Any thoughts?