I have to say I laughed out loud at the last part : )
I think that would be fanatstic to have his opinion.
Well, you got it! MC=Monochrome, and he posted above your last one. ^^^
I think what is so hard for me is when I began into this relationship that I was told that we would never have a threesome and if cheated it was over. That was two years ago but I have stuck to those rules. I was told no threesomes which I obliged. I had done that a number of times before and enjoyed it but was willing to swear it off for the sake of making it work. It feels like I have learned to be one thing for us now I'm being asked to be something else.
So YOU keep making agreements and changes, by YOUR choice. If you don't want to agree, that's fine, you don't have to, but looking at it as, "I did this for you, I don't want to do any more until you do something for me," is at best immature and childish, at worst dysfunctional. If her wanting to change the rules is the problem, you need to take a much closer look at how you do relationships.Not agreeing to a rule change is fine, but not wanting a rule change brought up is not. I've asked to change the rules a million times. Talking about changing the rules shouldn't be a bad thing. But demanding a change or putting a ridiculous time limit/ultimatum on changing the rules is Not Ok.
I guess I also have another question with all this. I know this very well may sound ignorant but I hear so much about love being involved wth all these relationships but I don't remember hearing much about being in love. To me I can see the love in other people and see it in here as well, but what I know about being in love is the feeling of doing anything for that one person. That there is nothing above them. My fiance has always been my "queen." She is what makes me smile. I have put her on a pedestal and never let falter from that. I always want her to be happy. Which I know is contradictory to what I'm saying. Her happiness and needs are paramount but I may not give her what she wants due even though I want her to be happy,.
This may be what love is to you, but that doesn't mean that her definition of love or anyone else's will be the same as yours. You may want to look more closely at your definition, or at least talk with her about your definition versus hers. Frankly, this sounds more like adoration than love to me, but I'm not the one you're in love with so my opinion doesn't count for that much except something to think about.
Thank you for the answer on what I can get out of this. My thought though is this. I kind of look at this as a hunter/gather approach which I can imagine sounds totall shallow. I expend my resources to help her and she does the same for me. With a third though I'm expending the same amount of resources but only getting half from her. For example, with two small kids we are constantly cleaning up or doing stuff around our place or trying to plan for them. There is usually little free time for anything else. The time she spends now with him already and has been means that she is doing less to take care of our family's needs and the burden falls back on me. My kids are with us about 75% of the week and the other 25% with my ex. On my days off they are my whole day from 7:30am till 8:30pm. Once they go to bed I spend the time cleaning and doing laundry and plannning for the next day or even doing work for my job on my laptop. There is little time for me to myself and little time for each other. When she is spending time with him she will blow off chores that we have agreed to she would take care of and it will fall back on me. So how am I supposed to say yes to something that will add more stress to already stressfull household?
Her already not keeping up her half of the duties and wanting even more time away from home is a legitimate problem. Yes, love is great but being an adult means taking care of your duties and being responsible too. Time management is definitely a hard thing with any relationship + kids, and poly just compounds the problem. It sounds like her wanting to explore with this other guy is bringing problems the two of you already had into the spotlight. The relationship between the two of you needs to be as solid as possible, with everyone being mature and respectful, BEFORE exploring poly.
Being in two committed relationships. What happens when your the hinge? and one of the other partners now wants to take on a partner of their own? or if both of the partners want that? Do you ever just say enough we stop at this many and no more?
You can try. If everyone is open to it, then it's possible. But relationship "chains" definitely happen, too. Planning a party with poly people can get complicated, with the guest list getting out of control very quickly! But those are problems for WAY down the road. Something to keep in the back of your mind, sure, but not something I see as being pertinent to the decision you're working on right now.