You realise that anyone could write a definition on there, right?Whether it is useful to you or not isn't the issue, it is whether the definition used within the Poly community is a positive or negative one.
You realise that anyone could write a definition on there, right?Whether it is useful to you or not isn't the issue, it is whether the definition used within the Poly community is a positive or negative one.
Absolutely I would include this as to one of the many reasons that Urban Dictionary should in no way be considered an authoritative source of jack or shit. As an aside, if you want a laugh, look up "chicken scarf".You realise that anyone could write a definition on there, right?
Exactly....and while this may be a poly board, there are enough incoming and crossover from the other alternate lifestyle communities that it will not aid communication to change and redefine commonly used terms between them.unicorn is not a poly term. Its an alternate lifestyle term. I knew what it meant long before coming into poly. Just because some of us want to redefine a meaning doesn't make it true. Calling a donkey a horse because urban dictionary might tell me, doesn't make it so.
And this is the kind of thing that really needs to stop. Abuse is not acceptable, nor is driving people away. Attempting to "save the unicorns" by chasing hunters away from the board is no in line with the guidelines or spirit on which this Forum was founded.But this forum abuses people who don't fit this forums poly-ideals which is dictated by the active members. The abuser is sometimes blind to the abuse they dish out, but that doesn't make it less true.
I am curious why any woman would seek out couples to date, as it seems so loaded with landmines to get all up in the middle of a long term committed couple. So, "What's in it for a Unicorn?" was enlightening.
The phrase "hunting for unicorns," or similar versions, is as old as the hills and has always been used in common parlance and literature to mean chasing after something we want that is mythical, imaginary, or unrealistic, and will be pretty much impossible to find. It is very similar to the phrase "tilting at windmills," which means fighting imaginary enemies. I am always surprised to find that this fact is not common knowledge.
It is NOT an "alternative lifestyle term." Come on, people. Just because it is often used in alternative circles does not mean that the phrase originated there. For example, in a biography of the poet William Carlos Williams, written in 1981, there is a chapter called "Hunting Down the Unicorn." That chapter is about Williams' efforts to complete a novel and the problems he had getting it published.
If you do a search of Google Books, you will find numerous passages in classical literature that refer somehow to chasing after or hunting unicorns. More examples: people looking to buy their dream home could say, "We're looking for our unicorn." Someone hoping to win the lottery could say "I'm looking for my unicorn" when they buy their ticket. I know I have posted about this before.
Now in poly circles, the phrase has come to be used most often to point out to partnered male-female couples how ridiculously unrealistic their fantasies are about finding a bisexual girlfriend to equally love them both. It is a response to pie-in-the-sky expectations - that is all! The phrase is not meant to say that triads, in and of themselves, are impossible. Nor does it mean that bisexual women who are into couples do not exist. No, it simply means that someone, most often a new-to-poly couple, has expectations that are so unrealistic to the point that they can never be more than a fantasy. "See here, newbie couple, you are chasing a unicorn if you think you can get everything on your wish list." It is NOT about triads, per se. It does not mean that a bi woman into couples is automatically a unicorn. Furthermore it is nonsensical for a woman to call herself a unicorn because that would mean she is a myth and not real.
Effectively, I (a straight woman) could say I am chasing a unicorn for wanting four boyfriends. It is a term that can be applied to many situations. So, let's just remember this, shall we? Calling people unicorn hunters simply means they are hoping for and pursuing an ideal which is a highly unrealistic fantasy. That is all.
/English lesson
PS - and yes, UrbanDictionary is just like Wikipedia, which means it is user-contributed. So, not a reliable source. And I say this as someone who regularly volunteers to edit articles at Wikipedia.
If I am being accused of promoting the idea there is only one right way to do poly, I completely reject that characterization.
Natja.. I think if you search the forum, a few unicorn named members were self identified single unicorns at the time (they may not be now).
If anything what always happens
"Unicorn" doesn't simply mean someone who dates couples. It means...
We hear about a lot of couples who are looking for someone who doesn't have their own personhood and exists only to fill a role in a relationship -- not as a human being with thoughts and feelings, but as a placeholder. It sounds like your couple was expecting you to be that, and broke up with you when they were faced with the reality that you weren't that.
They expected you to enjoy being tossed around and having your emotions played with and the on-again-off-again. They didn't expect you have grown closer to one of the couple, because they wanted someone to always love both people equally. They hoped you would wait at their beck and call whenever they have couple-issues to work out, and then you would rush back when they show the slightest interest in allowing you. And they didn't expect you to want to have alone time with either of the partners, because they were concerned more with someone for sex and intimacy in threesomes.
Cut them loose. They're not ready for this. They practice avoidance rather than confronting their problems. A break from a relationship can be useful to see if you really want to be together, not as a constant coping mechanism to avoid dealing with problems when they get to be overwhelming.
I will do that, thank you.
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7024
That's the one I found Natja. I haven't read it recently. I just remembered the log in name.
I will link to the "So Someone Called You a Unicorn Hunter?" and "Secondary's Bill of Rights" articles if I feel a poster has no clue of what is wrong with their Unicorn trap and expectations. Why not? They are full of great info. Have you read them?
And besides, I don't know for sure she's going to fall into the manhole. Maybe she's the kind who can walk on air!)
. . . There are a couple regulars who always defend triads, and there is confusion about triads growing organically as opposed to being forced, as a prescribed "box" for a unicorn to fit in.
I hope we can discuss this, use this space for venting for those of us who are tired of the same old issues with forced triads and unicorn hunting that we see day after day.
Triads, an established couple looking for a single woman for a poly fidelitous 3way, we all share sex together thing, is NOT the only way to do poly. Why do so many people think that is THE way to do poly? It's odd, really.