Simultaneous NRE

I am sorry to hear you feel crappy. I hope you get feeling better soon.

Thanks, GG! I think my cold has turned the corner. I am no longer feverish and coughing less, blowing my nose more.

Rats. Sorry, Magdlyn. :(
Romance can be such a rollercoaster.

Yes, ma'am, it sure can be.

I went ahead and wrote to R today, just kind of expressing my hurt at him breaking our date with such a vague excuse and "let's chat soon." We'll see if he has the decency and cojones to respond.

So, this photoshoot is actually just part of a fun weekend with old friends that madi's new friend, M and his Lady, LC have planned. So my gf will get to meet several of their best friends, get introduced to the (poly/leather) family, basically. It's a 2 1/2 hr drive to where they are going in Maine. They are leaving in the evening on Friday and won't be back til Sunday night. She asked me to dogsit. I said no. I'm already dealing with her getting to have a fun weekend without me (and probably some intimacy with M), I would feel too used to have to take her dogs back to Lowell with me. I'm not a dog person, and I was looking forward to some peaceful time alone in my apt while she's away and my son is at his dad's.

So, she has to hire a dogsitter and that's that. Boundaries! She'll also need a dogsitter for when we are in Florida, since all her friends are busy with Thanksgiving and aren't available.

There's been no more talk of her seeing M during the week while I am here. She'll have a good full 2 days with him this weekend, that should be enough.

Meanwhile we are cleaning her apt, and having some nice couple time, nothing fancy, just cooking, wine, cuddles, movie watching and talking.
 
It woudlve been more fun if I didnt have this annoying cold. The Fla sun should bake it out of me next wk. :)

So gf was a very good girl and lined up 2 dogsitters, one for the weekend who is the dog trainer at the Petco a few blocks away, who will come here to her apt and play w the dogs 3 times while gf is away. Then another one who will take them to her own house while we're in Florida. :)

Gf is nervous about her trip, she's quite shy, but I'm sure she'll have a great time. I'm kinda envious, but dealing all right. Envy of her fun weekend, not jealousy about her M. These ppl are apparently kinky scenesters, not our usual cup of tea, so it should be... interesting and educational.

No word from R, so far. But I've given up on him. More fish in the semen as my gf tells me! In fact my sweet boytoy, D, has msged me (after only 16 days since our last date, which is soon for him.) He even asked to maybe sleep over, a first! Yum.
 
Still with this lingering cold... I had a busy day yesterday. Gf and I drove 20 miles to meet the 2nd dogsitter, and she was awesome. So, we will drop the dogs off there on Monday.

Then in the evening, I decided to drive gf to her M's place, where she was to meet them so they could take the trip to Maine. That way I figured I could meet him and his gf. And I did, and got a very good feeling. They seem warm and intelligent. And just like everyone says (and I exped the last time gf had a bf) they are cute but not examples of model-like perfection. No reason to feel threatened. M, 35, is tall and on the burly side, with a slight sexy Spanish accent (did I mention he grew up in Spain?). His gf is only 27, pretty face, nice skin, natural blonde hair, quite obese, huge breasts, and covered in beautiful tattoos.

I didnt stay long, just about 10 minutes. Found out more about the place they are going to. Asked M to take good care of my girl and he said, "I promise we'll bring her back in one piece, and if we don't, we'll put all the parts in one box." I said, "OK good, so I can sew her back together again." And then I had this mental image:

the-nightmare-before-christmas-clipsally2.gif


Then I gave my gf a lovely kiss and we parted.

ETA, she texted me at 2AM to say they'd arrived safely and everything was going great. :)
 
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And my evening. After dropping gf off I had the longish drive back to my place, in rush hour traffic. Stopped off for some food and beers. I was expecting my boytoy D to arrive late, after work. (He works at a Domino's and has since high school, but graduated college last spring and was hired by an investment org, starts that in January.)

So he arrived at 11 and we had our usual over the top amazing sex, and we did some things... well, I won't go into detail, but these 2 things had seemed painful when I attempted them in the past ( I did them more to submit for his pleasure), but this time I made sure he went slow and gradually at first, and used lots of lube, and OMG, I actually really enjoyed them.

Afterward, talking on the couch, he said, "It (the sex) just seems to get better and better, how is that possible?" I said, "It's because we know each other better, our tastes and interests." I am happy to let him continue to think we just have a booty call relationship... but he's gotta be noticing how being together now for 19 months, I really mean something to him.

He also called me "so gorgeous" when we were making "love," awwww.

Unfortunately he couldnt stay over. I was disappointed but he told me, "It will happen." He was so tired from making 95 pizzas an hour and had promised to drive his ne'er-do-well brother who has no license from a DUI, but needs work done on his broken nose ( *rolleyes* ) to a Boston hosp first thing in the morning. D is such a good brother! Maybe too nice.

So we had our usual warm cuddly chat on the couch for a half hour and he left, and I collapsed in bed.
 
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And one more serial post (such a busy day!). When I got home I saw there was a return email from R, who bagged on our date last weekend. Basically he pulled the "busy doctor" card, saying he only has 6 discretionary hours in his week, and he is pulled between dating people like me to act on his personal sexual kinks, and dating apparently vanilla girls who will potentially marry him and breed with him.

*rolleyes*

Not sure how to respond, or even if I should. He did say, "I am dividing that time between potential lovers such as yourself and potential mates. All it takes is one potential mate to suck up that six hours and make it so that I have absolutely no time for a perfectly lovely person such as you. I crave your companionship actually, and still think you are one of the most open minded and receptive people I have ever met."

I think I will recommend he find a kinky young woman who can fulfill both roles for him. If he pretends to be vanilla, marries a vanilla girl, they have a couple kids, and then she finds out what a perv he is, wow, I'd feel sorry for their kids.
 
Gf got back from her trip to Maine with M and L on Cloud Nine. There were 5 other people at the house party and everyone accepted her and she felt really comfortable.

She had a couple cuddle sessions with M, just small kisses, nothing real hot and heavy.

There was no kink play on the weekend, mostly the people were geeks and just hung out and talked about sci fi while L was in photo sessions with the hostess.

This group also went to a munch at a local restaurant on Sunday which was attended by about 40 people. She recognized many of them from various kink/queer events (conferences, Pride) we've been to in the past couple years.

So, it was a great self esteem booster for her and I am happy for her. She's been pretty depressed during her transition this year. I've done my ever-lovin' best to support her, but it's hard work, so if she's found some new others to offer support and affirmation, that's great.

However. I am left feeling a few bad things. First of all, envy that she got to go to such a kink and queer positive weekend without me. As I said earlier, I agreed to this before I knew it was a weekend-long event.

Second, and more concerning, the gf/Mistress of her bf turns out to be a celebrity in the East Coast kink scenesters community. She's a semi-pro Domme and event organizer of some repute. All the house party people seemed to take orders from her. At the munch, fans were coming over to her practically bowing and scraping.

And... M introduced my gf to everyone as "their toy." Not his, his and Hers. And here I thought they weren't a package deal. But it's obvious who is the Queen of this power couple. My gf basked in her status as the new "toy" (and possible future slave) of the Queen and her Prince.

So, gf is involved with rockstars now... and I feel like a middle aged housewife frump left behind to sweep her floors, do our dishes, take out her trash and clean her toilet while she primps and travels for dates and events with them.

Sometimes I feel totally lost in the BDSM world. God, I just enjoy giving or getting a nice spanking/flogging now and then, or a little light bondage. This is major league shit. (pony play, play piercings, suspensions, knife play, etc etc)I've never been to a kink play party or dungeon, I don't wear high heels and do not own any leather corsets, latex dresses, or garter belts.

Add to this my own futile search for Mr Right and wonderings whether I've outlived my expiration date to find just the right youthful attentive sexy man to complete my happiness, I am one sad puppy. I could barely sleep the last two nights. And I feel bad to be gloomy and put a damper on my gf's NRE and self-esteem boost.

Partly I am tiring of the short term more or less casual relationships i have found these past 2 years (besides gf). Partly I am wondering if I shouldn't even have a craving for a bf. Maybe that's just a hetero nostalgia from what I once had in marriage to my ex. Just that stupid, "Some day my prince will come..." bs.

Am I greedy? Shouldn't I be content with my gf and my boytoy and just give all the dating and searching a rest? But no! I like socializing and attention!

sigh--- confused
 
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I'm really new to the site but I've read the whole blog and wanted to say thanks for sharing it and giving me some more things to think about.

I wish you well.
 
Magdlyn, you have a very important roll in your gf's life. That of her anchor in reality. She is the "new" toy, and soon enough will be an "old" toy. When that happens, things may not be going as swimmingly for her.

This is her chance to see how these people live and tell you all about it. You get the inside scoop without actually having to spend the money and time and stress of finding out for real... there is something to be said for that....

Most kink and fetish stuff is about pomp and circumstance because that is what we SEE. The real stuff doesn't happen at events. It happens at home and in private. A lot of what she is seeing and being a part of is all an act. Sure, some of it is serious business, but mostly for show.

You are completely worthy of anything you desire. You can fashion anything you want out of this situation with your girlfriend and these new people and the kink they practice and mould it to satisfy that desire... this could be a really amazing learning and deepening opportunity for both of you. The things you could try and make part of your repertoire as a result. You can make it all your own; both for you, and also for your relationship with your girlfriend....

I know the NRE sucks, but hopefully there is a positive spin on it... she loves you dearly, you know that, let her be a little kid in a candy store and when she gets sick off of too much sugar, you are still there to be her "home." That is no small thing. It's much bigger than parties and being a "new toy"
 
RP thanks for your kind and thoughtful and reassuring reply. I was away w/o computer for a week so havent been able to respond. Sorry to be rude!

After a couple days in Florida, I was able to have a long convo w my gf about this "being a new toy" issue. I felt her out about how she'd deal with public scenes and she told me she's not into that until she knows the people really well. So I dont need to fear she's, like, gonna be tied up and whipped, or have sex with strangers in a large scene, anytime soon. Whew. As far as she is concerned, her new guy is just a new bf and she wants normal private intimacy with him, for at least the first few months (if not years, should it work out that long). She is quite shy. I'd imagine she'd go to scenes if it was offered, but she'd be more into watching than doing.

Meanwhile, taking her to Florida with me to meet family was bonding, as were the romantic walks in tropical gardens, swims, moonlight walks on the golf course, cooking together, etc etc. I feel better now and ready to gird my loins and see how her new relationship progresses.
 
Time for an update finally.

I left gf in Boston all week to catch up on her things there, and to try and arrange a date w her M. He works downtown and she was hoping to do lunch. Well, that never transpired, instead he finally got the go-ahead from his Lady to have my gf over tomorrow (Sat) for half a day, lunch, activities, dinner. :) At first I was a bit upset b/c weekends are almost always for the 2 of us, but she hasnt seen him in about 3 wks, so it's OK.

This evening I texted my boytoy to see if he was free this weekend. I took my son back to his dad's this aft so I have my apt free. Offering usually never works w boytoy, he almost always initiates. But lo and behold and gosh and begorrah, he said he could consider either tonight after he gets off work, or tomorrow. He was invited to a party at a buddy's tonight.Finally he decided he better go to the party (after we did some fun sexting) but would come tomorrow. :)

Meanwhile this older man on okc has been msging me all week, v eager to meet. I dont think he's a huge match for me, but I finally PMed him he could come tomorrow night and take me out for drinks or dinner. Could just be a nice way to pass the evening. I'll see if he responds positively tomorrow.

So, hopefully keeping happily busy tomorrow while the gf is out w her man.

Boys boys boys.
 
Gf is out now with her new bf and his gf seeing Tron the Legacy on IMAX. I was invited but declined, as they were going to get there 3 hours early and wait on line. I recently saw the original Tron, and thought it was just OK, but not so exciting I wanted to wait on a line for 3 hours in the cold.

A few days ago gf told me the wait would be inside, so maybe I would've actually had fun getting to talk to M and LC. Oh well, I've got a long trip coming up on Monday and needed to get back to my apartment to take care of some things that needed doing before we go away.

It's weird having weekends free again now and then, since gf started seeing M. We've been in each others' back pockets for close to 2 years and tho I have been dating, I almost always did it during the week or at least on Friday nights so gf and I could be together on the weekend.

Actually, it's kind of nice to have a bit more time to myself. I found myself with time to write out Xmas cards, for example, which I hadn't done in 2 or 3 years (combination of reasons, divorce, ill daughter, NRE with gf, dating). I'm also coming out of my fog of being busily "single" again and have found I now have more interest in current events and other interests of mine that have taken a back seat.

Gf texted me a few times while she was waiting in the theater, which was nice.
 
Well, thanks for asking, Music Man!

miss pixi was in a sort of slave relationship with M for about 10 months. But his gf was always up in their grills... Pretty much always around when miss pixi would go over to clean their apartment (kink for her), and the bf never made an effort to arrange alone time for them, they'd just do sex kind of on the sly.

I don't think that couple is truly poly, just scene kinksters. And their communication skills, with each other and with miss pixi, basically sucked. So, she let it all drift away... Still interested in friendship.

So, that ended last November. She's chatted with a few likely prospects online, but is not really motivated to actually meet anyone, rather she is still focusing on being her own primary, personal growth, therapy, reading self help books. Transitioning to living as a woman, after presenting as an effeminate male for 32 years, is tons of work.

Meanwhile, as I've mentioned around the boards, things started an upswing for me, as far as men in my life, late last summer. The Gentleman contacted me in August and we met in October. The Hottie contacted me in November. The Ginger contacted me in December.

I've been running between all 4 lovers, a surfeit of affection and attention. :) Thanking Aphrodite and Asherah last year was just an extended dry spell and there actually are men out there who appreciate me and are worthy of my trust, love and lust.

After several busy months, including my annual trip to see family in FLA just before xmas, a Yule party at miss pixi's, and tons of sex, I finally took this week off, turning down all requests for dates (I've got 3 men on a waiting list as well, it never rains but it pours), for "me time," clothes shopping, a haircut and just chilling at home with my hobbies, plus my parttime nannying job.

Both miss pixi and The Ginger have colds this week. Somehow I do not. miss pixi and I were supposed to go to the Ginger's place tomorrow to see his (solar) house and land (50+ acres), for her to meet him, and both of us to meet his wife, R. Then the 3 of us (not R) were going to go to a drum/dance event.... but maybe The Ginger won't be up for it. Perhaps we'll just go visit him and skip the dancing. He might come with us up to my place that evening tho. He still seems to be horny, as usual! And of course, since I am now rested and recharged, so am I.

Next weekend I am going to the Fetish Flea Fair in RI with miss pixi AND The Gentleman. He booked a suite and is excited for what is a real vacation for him.

I am sensing a lack of emotional commitment from The Hottie. I don't think he's in a place to be a true bf... so after our last (hot) date, I am gonna let him make the next move. It's fine, I really need to concentrate on miss pixi. And I am falling hard for The Ginger... sigh, what a great guy, practically perfect for me. We having sweet interesting chats online twice a day, morning and evening. He speaks warmly of his 3 ex gfs but isn't seeing anyone else right now, besides his wife.
 
meeting the metamours

It went really great.

miss pixi and I got to The Ginger's house around 4:30 on Saturday. Walked around his woods, saw his firepit and the outdoor studio he is building. Then went into his house and got a tour and met his wife, R.

She popped in and out while we got the tour of the amazing underground solar and wood heated house. The Ginger and R designed and built the whole thing themselves back in the 80s, woodwork, electric, everything except the plumbing (which wasnt allowed by code).

So after the tour, miss pixi and Ginger and I sat on his bed and had a glass of wine and then we cooked and ate dinner. R didnt eat the food (not to her taste), but stayed and chatted with us. Then I asked for a demo of Ginger's player piano. His dad used to renovate player pianos, and Ginger had dozens of rolls of music. We took turns pumping the foot pedals, and finally Ginger and I sang a medley of West Side Story songs while miss pixi pumped the pedals. He has a nice strong voice. What a guy... so smitten.

Then a bit more chat. R was nice, cute, friendly, and everyone seemed as relaxed as could be for a first meeting, all 4 "spouses" together.

Then Ginger and miss pixi and I went to the drum circle, held in a UU church in a nearby town. I split my time between dancing around the circle with/near Ginger, and sitting out with miss pixi. (Ginger is such a good dancer... sigh...) Interesting challenge, to be on a date with 2 at once, new for me. It was sexy and fun, altho we all refrained from overt PDAs... I really felt like a nice triad/V. The room was lit by the candles in the center of the circle, it was a good sized crowd, about 40 people. We did some hugging and cuddling now and then, in couples or all 3.

After that ended at 11, Ginger drove us back to his place, miss pixi and I got back in my van and he followed us to Boston. He and I had sex while miss pixi rambled around making herself a sandwich and so on before she went to bed. Ginger and I slept on the pull out couch in the living room.

After our sex was over, I got up and cuddled miss pixi to make sure she was OK. She was fine. She said we were surprisingly quiet. heh

Next morning Ginger and I had more sex, then made us all pancakes and then he and I showered (mmmm) and then he and I walked the dogs along the Charles River. miss pixi didnt want to come.

After that, he left around 1pm.

Anyway, with all the stressful convos here on the board about first meeting of metamours, our meetup went great... everyone meeting at once! Yesterday I asked Ginger how R said she felt about meeting us and he said, she didnt say, but she did hang out with us more than when he's had previous gfs over, so I guess that is a good thing. :)
 
Last weekend, miss pixi and The Gentleman and I went to the Fetish Flea Fair. Gentleman paid for a big suite in the hotel for us. We had a great time, sharing a bed and time at the Flea.

Nice to be out in that community, as a V.

Then I saw the Ginger at my place on Tuesday night into Wednesday. This weekend miss pixi understandably wanted me to herself, after 2 weekends with the metamours. We went to Northampton yesterday (known as a very liberal gay friendly town), walked around the greenhouses and botanical gardens at Smith College, had dinner at a brew pub, lots of walking around cool stores, a little shopping. It was romantic.

While we were waiting for our food to arrive, The Hottie texted me to say he has decided to be mono with his other gf. So, that's that. I hadnt seen him in a month. We'd only had 4 dates. Just as well, I am plenty busy enough with my 2 guys and my woman. I wished him well. He's never been great at communicating between dates, so breaking up by text was typical for him.
 
After a lovely 5 days with miss pixi, today The Ginger is coming into town and we will go to the Harvard Natural History Museum. Then we will drive back to my place in Lowell and he will spend the night. Mmmm... he's so much fun to walk around museums with, he makes such interesting comments. And then, of course, the SEX. Excellent warm sensuous sex.

I'm not nannying for the twins and their big sister this week, so I will have time to myself on Wednesday after Ginger leaves, and then on Thursday as well. I've got plans to have my son spend the night on Thursday. I am babysitting for a new family on Friday morning for 4 hours, my La Leche League co-Leader's little 3 year old son. Just sitting for one kid should feel restful after a year of watching baby twins and a 5 year old.

Later on Friday, back to Boston. miss pixi and I are invited to a birthday party at an old Boston restaurant downtown. On Sunday I plan to see the Gentleman at his place.

Sometimes I'm so happy I could just cry.
 
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