So, as my title suggests, this is the start of a journey, that has been 18 months in the making. No names in the below
So, some background. As I write this, I am a 46 year old Englishman, an Ex-Pat who has spent 4 years in Germany, and now 17 years in South Florida.
I married a Miami girl, who had previously introduced herself as Lesbian, (but now acknowledges she would now ID as Pansexual), and have been together for 16 years, most of that monogamously married.
Rewind a little under 18months. My wife and I are long time performers at local renaissance festivals. We meet a girl (part of a Lesbian couple)at the end of the festival who thinks the comedy troupe we perform with is great, and that openly let's us know she has a huge crush on my wife. I become Facebook friends with the girl, and my wife and I speculate on what it would be like to let my wife have a bit of fun.
This year, the girl is back, this year with a boyfriend, and we sit and discuss a little more, and the lass and my wife start to flirt, and I realise this makes me happy. I let my wife know that if she wants to, go ahead. The girl discusses with her boyfriend, and he says go ahead.
Whilst they spend time flirting, the girl and I start to talk on FB Messenger, and we realise that what was originally just going to be a bit of fun is turning into a solid friendship on our part. We talk a lot, chat a lot in the three of my wife and I and her. We help her move apartment.
We are some of the people she turns to when she splits from her boyfriend, both before and after, and we stay friends. We agree with her choice of taking time out, getting used to being single again, but continue to chat all the time, and occasionally go out to do things as part of larger groups, all while my wife and her flirt, and while the girl helps me through a bad depressive episode that took me out of work.
Whilst Wiki surfing one day, I come across a word. 'Compersion', and I realise that this is what we feel. I feel happy that my wife flirts with the girl, and I can feel her happiness. My wife feels happy that I have a new, deep friend, and our friend is happy that what she thought was honestly just going to be a bit of fun has blossomed.
We all go to Disney, with a larger group, for Gay Days. When my wife feels ill, part way through a day, our girl doesn't hesitate. She just reacts, and together, we look after my wife that evening. The next day, whilst waiting for the fireworks in Magic Kingdom, our entire group lies down in a pile, but it is noticeable that my wife and the girl are lying together, with me on the other side of my wife. Then, the girl comes out and asks where I am, am I included, and actively includes me and we lie, part of a larger group,but together.
Over the next couple of days, the girl and I reveal that what went on in the trip surprised us both. There was more feeling around than expected, and when I come out and say that I have been reading for a couple of days, and feel that this feels like a nascent polyam relationship, she doesn't disagree,and doesn't back off. I make it clear that we know she isn't ready to date anyone, but she does admit that something may happen one night, and that we are right to be ready
Last weekend, we went out, with another friend of hers. After a party, we settle back to watch her friend's suggested movie... Prof. Marston and the Wonder Women... (her friend is not subtle). We settle down on the couch. I'm lying with the girls head on my shoulders, arms around her, and she's holding my wife, and that is how we drift to sleep. At other times on the next day, we loop around each other.
And this is where we are right now. Everything I've seen and read suggests take it slow and talk, and we have. Nothing overtly sexual has happened, but I personally feel that this nascent triad is orbiting slowly gathering the thrust for take off.
I've looked long and hard at the web, and ignored those sites that just mention sex. We want a close knit friendship, as much, if maybe not more, than just the sex. Emotional intimacy, as much as physical, and open communication and trust.
What I also need is a guide... The girl let us know she has been in a polyam relationship before, and she seems genuinely impressed that I've taken the time to learn, and to discuss.
However, there are so many 'superficial' articles, that siftng the gold from the dross is tiring.
So, any advice as to where to go. I think I'm doing this right, but with so few guides out there, how do I really know? Any thoughts?
So, some background. As I write this, I am a 46 year old Englishman, an Ex-Pat who has spent 4 years in Germany, and now 17 years in South Florida.
I married a Miami girl, who had previously introduced herself as Lesbian, (but now acknowledges she would now ID as Pansexual), and have been together for 16 years, most of that monogamously married.
Rewind a little under 18months. My wife and I are long time performers at local renaissance festivals. We meet a girl (part of a Lesbian couple)at the end of the festival who thinks the comedy troupe we perform with is great, and that openly let's us know she has a huge crush on my wife. I become Facebook friends with the girl, and my wife and I speculate on what it would be like to let my wife have a bit of fun.
This year, the girl is back, this year with a boyfriend, and we sit and discuss a little more, and the lass and my wife start to flirt, and I realise this makes me happy. I let my wife know that if she wants to, go ahead. The girl discusses with her boyfriend, and he says go ahead.
Whilst they spend time flirting, the girl and I start to talk on FB Messenger, and we realise that what was originally just going to be a bit of fun is turning into a solid friendship on our part. We talk a lot, chat a lot in the three of my wife and I and her. We help her move apartment.
We are some of the people she turns to when she splits from her boyfriend, both before and after, and we stay friends. We agree with her choice of taking time out, getting used to being single again, but continue to chat all the time, and occasionally go out to do things as part of larger groups, all while my wife and her flirt, and while the girl helps me through a bad depressive episode that took me out of work.
Whilst Wiki surfing one day, I come across a word. 'Compersion', and I realise that this is what we feel. I feel happy that my wife flirts with the girl, and I can feel her happiness. My wife feels happy that I have a new, deep friend, and our friend is happy that what she thought was honestly just going to be a bit of fun has blossomed.
We all go to Disney, with a larger group, for Gay Days. When my wife feels ill, part way through a day, our girl doesn't hesitate. She just reacts, and together, we look after my wife that evening. The next day, whilst waiting for the fireworks in Magic Kingdom, our entire group lies down in a pile, but it is noticeable that my wife and the girl are lying together, with me on the other side of my wife. Then, the girl comes out and asks where I am, am I included, and actively includes me and we lie, part of a larger group,but together.
Over the next couple of days, the girl and I reveal that what went on in the trip surprised us both. There was more feeling around than expected, and when I come out and say that I have been reading for a couple of days, and feel that this feels like a nascent polyam relationship, she doesn't disagree,and doesn't back off. I make it clear that we know she isn't ready to date anyone, but she does admit that something may happen one night, and that we are right to be ready
Last weekend, we went out, with another friend of hers. After a party, we settle back to watch her friend's suggested movie... Prof. Marston and the Wonder Women... (her friend is not subtle). We settle down on the couch. I'm lying with the girls head on my shoulders, arms around her, and she's holding my wife, and that is how we drift to sleep. At other times on the next day, we loop around each other.
And this is where we are right now. Everything I've seen and read suggests take it slow and talk, and we have. Nothing overtly sexual has happened, but I personally feel that this nascent triad is orbiting slowly gathering the thrust for take off.
I've looked long and hard at the web, and ignored those sites that just mention sex. We want a close knit friendship, as much, if maybe not more, than just the sex. Emotional intimacy, as much as physical, and open communication and trust.
What I also need is a guide... The girl let us know she has been in a polyam relationship before, and she seems genuinely impressed that I've taken the time to learn, and to discuss.
However, there are so many 'superficial' articles, that siftng the gold from the dross is tiring.
So, any advice as to where to go. I think I'm doing this right, but with so few guides out there, how do I really know? Any thoughts?
Last edited: