Polylogical
New member
Ok... So my wife and I talked about having an open relationship for a while, we had read Sex at Dawn and it all made a lot of sense to us. But we didn't really make it official. We live in a place where there isn't much opprotunity to pursue other relationships, so it didn't really happen. And my wife was a little hesitant, but the philosophy made sense to us. Then this guy from Europe came to work on the farm and my wife was all for it, she wanted to pursue something with him. I was ok with it, because, well, I wanted the same freedom.
So we had 2 rules: always use protection, and always be honest with each other. My wife pretty much broke both those rules right away. She was having sex with him long before she actually told me they were having sex... and worse, they weren't using protection... and worse again, she would come home and have sex with me... I commented once on how much more "wet" she was lately. Never even considering that I was getting sloppy seconds. It never even crossed my mind that she would be dishonest with me, or do something like that to me. I though it was just a new spark becuase of the open relationship, but nope I was just fucking some other guys cum inside her.
This all came to light later when she found out she was pregnant (I've had a vasectomy so it wasn't me). The guy had recently left back to Europe (and his unknowing girlfriend). My wife chose to have an abortion, which took a hard toll on her and ended up causing her depression.
This all left a bit of a bitter taste in our mouths... and obviously some conflict between us. But I was still not opposed to an open relationship, since it wasn't the open relationship thing that caused all this, it was her failure to follow our rules. She says go ahead to me, but that she wasn't going to pursue it any longer because it "caused her nothing but pain". Cut to a few years later and I finally meet a girl that I'm into, and who is into me, and who is ok with the open relationship. This is the first time everything lined up right for me. It's sort of the same situation in reverse, she's from Europe - but she's leaving the next day so I only have one chance to visit with her. So I'm out with her and I get frantic angry text from my wife. She's having a panic attack, so I have to go home. My wife says she can't handle the thought of me with someone else. So I missed out...
I'm pretty pissed about it. She was totally happy to sleep with another guy and totally endorsed the open relationship philosophy in every discussion we've had, including discussions with other people. So it was a complete shock to me. And now she says she doesn't want an open relationship anymore. She is suffering from depression so it's hard to even discuss it with her because she says it's to hard on her. She acknowledges that it wasn't fair, and that she should logically be ok with it but she doesn't know how to be. In any case, I missed out on that girl, and as I said where we live, this opportunity doesn't come often. It might never come again. It's all very frustrating, since none of this would have happened if she had only followed our damned rules...
So I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I don't feel like I can mentally go back to being monogamous, and if I did I think I would end up resenting her for the way things happened since she'd be restricting me. But on the other hand, I love her, I have 2 children with her, we built a business together, I don't know if I could be without her, and I don't know if she could be without me.
Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest and share with someone (it's not something I can really discuss with friends or family). Anyone have any advice, or been through something similar?
So we had 2 rules: always use protection, and always be honest with each other. My wife pretty much broke both those rules right away. She was having sex with him long before she actually told me they were having sex... and worse, they weren't using protection... and worse again, she would come home and have sex with me... I commented once on how much more "wet" she was lately. Never even considering that I was getting sloppy seconds. It never even crossed my mind that she would be dishonest with me, or do something like that to me. I though it was just a new spark becuase of the open relationship, but nope I was just fucking some other guys cum inside her.
This all came to light later when she found out she was pregnant (I've had a vasectomy so it wasn't me). The guy had recently left back to Europe (and his unknowing girlfriend). My wife chose to have an abortion, which took a hard toll on her and ended up causing her depression.
This all left a bit of a bitter taste in our mouths... and obviously some conflict between us. But I was still not opposed to an open relationship, since it wasn't the open relationship thing that caused all this, it was her failure to follow our rules. She says go ahead to me, but that she wasn't going to pursue it any longer because it "caused her nothing but pain". Cut to a few years later and I finally meet a girl that I'm into, and who is into me, and who is ok with the open relationship. This is the first time everything lined up right for me. It's sort of the same situation in reverse, she's from Europe - but she's leaving the next day so I only have one chance to visit with her. So I'm out with her and I get frantic angry text from my wife. She's having a panic attack, so I have to go home. My wife says she can't handle the thought of me with someone else. So I missed out...
I'm pretty pissed about it. She was totally happy to sleep with another guy and totally endorsed the open relationship philosophy in every discussion we've had, including discussions with other people. So it was a complete shock to me. And now she says she doesn't want an open relationship anymore. She is suffering from depression so it's hard to even discuss it with her because she says it's to hard on her. She acknowledges that it wasn't fair, and that she should logically be ok with it but she doesn't know how to be. In any case, I missed out on that girl, and as I said where we live, this opportunity doesn't come often. It might never come again. It's all very frustrating, since none of this would have happened if she had only followed our damned rules...
So I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I don't feel like I can mentally go back to being monogamous, and if I did I think I would end up resenting her for the way things happened since she'd be restricting me. But on the other hand, I love her, I have 2 children with her, we built a business together, I don't know if I could be without her, and I don't know if she could be without me.
Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest and share with someone (it's not something I can really discuss with friends or family). Anyone have any advice, or been through something similar?