Ari's Blog - Beginning

6'4"? I thought you were tall!
Just kidding. Both Ragabash and Seamus are 6'6"...

Maybe Mono was talking about volume... I assume when you're tall you'd have to have broader shoulders too, or you might snap in half :eek:
 
Well I am plugging along. Trying to figure out various things going on in life.

I have a business trip to Arizona that came up suddenly. So it will be good to get away for a few days. Its going to make some long nights. Pengrah is coming with me, hoping to have some R&R...they are considering making me a regional something or other. They have some pretty heavy expansions into the US planned, they want me to head up the IT division.

Relationship wise...it feels like a bit of a farse to be updating a poly site blog with non poly stuff. I am happily married and deeply in love with 2 women.

AA - 15 days sober. Going strong. I have burps but really I am not suffering with the cravings. Yay me. I spend a lot of time on this part. Regardless of career and love. I won't bore anyone with more details.
 
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Halfway to coin one yes?

At any rate, congrats on things going smoothly.


You know-just because there isn't "poly-activity" that doesn't make you any less poly-so why shouldn't you keep updating my friend?

I'm feeling less and less poly as each month goes by...
not good since I'm the "poly-one" of the bunch... but they let me keep posting-whining-pissing-moaning, so I figure you can too.
;)
 
Halfway to coin one yes?

In theory there is a day to day coin but it is a pretty small AA group I am in, so they happen to run out of coins often (its a big ole drunk group in this town)

At any rate, congrats on things going smoothly.

thanks

You know-just because there isn't "poly-activity" that doesn't make you any less poly-so why shouldn't you keep updating my friend?

I'm feeling less and less poly as each month goes by...
not good since I'm the "poly-one" of the bunch... but they let me keep posting-whining-pissing-moaning, so I figure you can too.
;)

haha...thanks.

@nycindie - thanks...:)...thats awesome :D
 
Agreement with LR. We want to hear about your journey, know that you and yours are safe.

As for not being poly, pshaw. I'm not seeing any women, but I'm not heterosexual.
 
I've been told that "love conquers all" was actually supposed to mean "love conquers everyone", not "love conquers everything".
As in "everyone might be affected by love, no need trying to fight it", not "if you're in love, everything will magically fall into place".
I think there is more truth to that interpretation.
 
Lesson I keep forgetting, love doesn't conquer shit. No matter how deep or what it means...

:(...

No, instead it motivates us to do the conquering.
 
Agreed that love conquers individuals and conquers over hate. It forces is to look in a direction that is better for us eventually and is better for the planet I think. Its motivational and compassionate when thought of beyond romance.
 
Ari I love to hear how you are doing. There is no reason to think that all that is acceptable is poly. I tend to think in terms of wholeism. Everything is connected and makes us who we are.
 
Ari I love to hear how you are doing. There is no reason to think that all that is acceptable is poly. I tend to think in terms of wholeism. Everything is connected and makes us who we are.

Would you be willing to elaborate? I am interested to know what you mean specifically. Forgive my slowness, my brain is fried :)

Currently I have a raging headache that came out of no where. I am in arizona and working my ass off, but its good to be busy. :D...I do love being good at what I do.

It is my first time experiencing the end of a relationship...not because we have fallen out of love, but because of reasons that can't be changed, no fault to anyone, it...just can't be a relationship. I flip between sheer rage to acceptance to what the fuck do I do next. My emotional range right now is off the chart.

In all of my feelings, I feel a deeply connected love to sourgirl. Even though it will never live to its fruition.

Its has rocked me to my core, to know that working at a relationship couldn't fix it. Lots of little things off, including my drinking... It has left me wanting more. It feels so unfinished. All the potential in the world, gone.

Same time last year, I was rocked and wrecked discovering I can love more than one. This time, I am rocked because having all the love we have can't make this work. :(

So, forgive angry, pissed off, sad, happy posts. I am all over the place emotionally. I held hope...now I have none. I have to learn how to make someone I love in every primary way possible...I have to make that a friendship. I did this with our ex, I learned to only have her as a friend. It seemed hard at the time, but...I didn't love her, not like this. It was puppy love and foolish. This is much deeper. So many lessons in this last 16 months...:(...the friendship is very worth it to me...but fuck is it hard. Not to mention knowing she is heartbroken and hurting the same way...but neither of us can make this right. Oh and Pengrah is sad too. Compersion has an opposing equally powerful affect.

I was so pissed off at one point - I was prepared to retire the Ariakas name. To hang it up again (I used this name about 20 years ago on bbs's) and say fuck the world and start from scratch. I can't stand logging into fetlife...I can't stand lots of things right now. :mad: I might still do it. In many ways...the name in my head is connected to us...

I am left, intermittently, not believing I can do this again. Not hand my heart to another person to hurt. Poly leaves us badly exposed...further to that, it allows us continued exposure. Monogamy is a simple way to protect the heart. Am I doomed to forever have a broken heart? Is poly a Shakespearean play in continuous loop. Next year this time, when I turn 37...will a new way to break my heart show its head. I need to find my comfort within poly, and figure out how I fit, where...and kind of start from scratch...

I need to travel, I want to go to victoria again, look around, visit friends. I...and this is selfish, really need to see poly working again. I am finding it hard to believe in. *sigh*...I have lots of vacation time coming up, so...who knows.

so thats my rant...thats my... emotional verbal diarrhea. Back to the grind. I have a few more days of work in sunny Arizona. Wish I could move here too, it is a great place to be in.
 
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Currently I have a raging headache that came out of no where. I am in arizona and working my ass off, but its good to be busy. :D...I do love being good at what I do.

First Hugs!

Second - Arizona is allergy central and is brutal on those used to moister climates. Get a hold of an antihistemine (Claritin or such), it should help the headache. Saline nasal sprays help too.
 
Ari-I'm sorry.
Hugs from here too.

All I can say is,
me too.

Completely different reasons-but me too.

I'm proud of you for working so hard to get through the emotions.

XO
 
..........
I need to travel, I want to go to victoria again, look around, visit friends. I...and this is selfish, really need to see poly working again. I am finding it hard to believe in. *sigh*...I have lots of vacation time coming up, so...who knows.

Hey Ari,

I'm so,so sorry to hear you are hurt and struggling.
I hope you can somehow reconcile the fact that your pain is not about love. Or about poly.

It's about attachment.

And THAT is something that can be a constant battle for us.

Non-attachment does not mean not loving. Or not caring. It's only an acceptance that life is fluid and we're just the leaf being swept along in the currents.

If we can ever help in any way please let us know !

GSs
 
Ari I love to hear how you are doing. There is no reason to think that all that is acceptable is poly. I tend to think in terms of wholeism. Everything is connected and makes us who we are.
Would you be willing to elaborate? I am interested to know what you mean specifically. Forgive my slowness, my brain is fried :)
I'm assuming its the second part you are asking for clarification on?

What I mean by wholeism is that any work you do on your self relates to how you will be in your relationships. Finding new ways to learn and grow in order to be a better person and understand ones self more is important. Knowing that you are working on your self is important to who you are becoming and who you could be in your future relationships. Its all connected. Even that love will conquer all.... you are on a path of self love right now... I believe that it will conquer far more than you realize.

I'm sorry for the pain you are going through.. I totally understand right now in terms of my own life. If a relationship doesn't work, it doesn't work... there is no point in carrying on with it.. it might of been best to not go on thinking that it will and work on what you do know. Having an amazing friendship is just as valid and important.
 
Love is nothing 'till you give it away
give it away
give it away
Love is nothing 'til you give it away
then you end up having more

It's just like a magic penny
hold it tight and you won't have any
lend it, spend it, you'll have so many
they roll all over the floor

things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
 
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