books relevant to nonmonogamy

Ravenscroft

Banned
I'm weeding out my (rather too extensive) library, & re-reading a few books that influenced my personal formulation of "responsible nonmonogamy" decades ago.

Compared to then, 2005 onward is like the Poly Renaissance, with lots & lots of books specific to the topic. Before 1990, there was pretty much NOTHING out there.

Many of my books are about interpersonal relating, the socalled "Sexual Revolution" (which I believe we lost :(), community-building, problem-solving, & economics.

When I look around at all the books presently relating to polyamory, there's a surfeit of "Poly 1-01" books, & some "Poly 1-02."

...but, really, anything beyond "freshman level" is rare.

ALmost entirely, it's a matter of "follow this checklist, & if it doesn't work, then dump their sorry ass & try again, or twist your hopes until you can cram everything into standard packaging."

To me, that's distressingly close to Monogamism -- one size SHOULD fit all, & what's wrong with YOU?

I'd enjoy seeing (maybe even teaching) seminars in creative problem-solving, in deep multilateral communication skills, in self-awareness, in group-therapy dynamics, in community-building. In classes at the "senior level" & beyond.

Maybe I'll start a thread to demonstrate how a book about developing corporate management skills is directly relevant to polyamory specifically & nonmonogamy in general.

Meantime, has anyone else experienced such hopes, to continue learning & evolving?
 
I guess I don't feel the need for any advanced how-to guides ... my relationships are satisfactory to me already, so why fix it if it ain't broke. Plus I'm not much of a reader.
 
I'd enjoy seeing (maybe even teaching) seminars in creative problem-solving, in deep multilateral communication skills, in self-awareness, in group-therapy dynamics, in community-building. In classes at the "senior level" & beyond.
Do it, Ravenscroft. Speak to the advanced. I probably won't attend your seminar since it would be across the ocean, but I might read your book on creative problem-solving.
I'm sure more and more people are getting interested in personal development and ready to take such a seminar.
 
I don't find books on "relationshipping" all that useful. After all, they are just someone's opinion of how relationships should be.
 
I'm weeding out my (rather too extensive) library

I can relate - I've probably given away and donated more books over the years than I currently have in my "physical book" library - there's just not enough space, and interests evolve over the years, so it becomes easier to part with books from prior interests - to make room for books on current interests. Almost all the books I have purchased in the last few years are digital - primarily due to storage space, but - while I still enjoy the feel of a real book - I've come to find that using an e-reader is actually easier most of the time - especially lying in bed. Now, there has to be a special reason to purchase a physical book for my library - I know the author, autographed copy, it's just that good, etc....

When I look around at all the books presently relating to polyamory, there's a surfeit of "Poly 1-01" books, & some "Poly 1-02."...but, really, anything beyond "freshman level" is rare.

Since I abruptly stumbled into the world of poly 18 months ago, I have made it a point to read a dozen books on the subject (not including rereading four of Heinlein's novels for the express purpose of rereading them with an eye to his alternative marriage themes). I don't have time to break them down - although I may later in a different thread - but, all in all, I would have to agree with you - they were generally freshman level survey at best - including "Ethical Slut" and "Opening Up". "More Than Two" might deserve to be sophomore level despite its significant flaws - just because of the subject matter it covers - the ethics of polyamory - and possibly "Designer Relationships" which takes a somewhat more sophisticated look at poly and CNM in general (or so it seemed to me).

But, Raven, I really do think you should consider writing a book along the lines of "Reflections on a Polyamorous Life" that gets into some of the more "advanced" stuff. Sign me up for an autographed copy. (seriously). Al
 
I actually really liked "Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator" as a book I'd hand new-to-poly people - less woo in a lot of ways than _ethical slut_, not so sex focused as _opening up_.

Not sure where I'd consider it to fall in the poly 101/201 etc scale, since in some ways it isn't JUST focused on poly.

Thanks for the recommendation - I will add it to my queue. I hadn't decided what would be next on the poly list - so perhaps I will move it to the front. I'm still keep considering Sheff's Polyamorists Next Door as I've seen it referenced a number of times in the polysphere, but I wasn't overly impressed with Sheff's style when I read her booklet, When Someone You Love is Polyamorous. Still, I will probably read it one day.

Your description of Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator reminds me a bit of Designer Relationships (Mark Michaels). I found it informative and engaging, although it is not strictly about poly. I would still recommend "Opening Up" (Taormino needs to do an update!) to someone who just wants to know about poly or is possibly considering poly. Designer Relationships is a book that I would recommend for those who are definitely transitioning to poly to help them navigate their transition - along with Minx's Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory: Before I Tried It and Frakked It Up.

While Opening Up definitely talks about the sex in CNM, I felt it did less so when the book moved into the focus on poly - and much less so than Ethical Slut.

Thanks again for the recommendation. Al
 
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