Love Language Profile

I'm bilingual between quality time and acts of service...

23% Words of Affirmation
27% Quality Time
20% Receiving Gifts
27% Acts of Service
3% Physical Touch
 
40% physical touch
27% quality time
17% words of affirmation
13% acts of service
3% receiving gifts

I am very tactile and do not expect anything from my SO in the way of gifts...interesting!
 
23% Words of Affirmation 7
23% Quality Time 7
0% Receiving Gifts
30% Acts of Service 9
23% Physical Touch 7


I guess it does change over time, last I took it Acts of service and words of affirmation were reversed. But after Karma and I talked about the things he does to help me being his way of showing he loves me, not just something he does because he has to, I have started to take notice of all the little things and it's changed my view a bit. Very interesting.
 
I am very physical touch, so is nll who I cuddle with a lot more than anything else.

I also value quality time - sometimes just companionably each doing our thing in the same room, reading, rocking out, web surfing...

My husband nll is very acts of service, except when he is overextended - then he tends to yell b/c he goes into crisis that he wants to be of service but can't.

He is also very cuddly oriented.
 
Love Test

My Scores

Physical Touch 12
Words of Affirmation 7

Receiving Gifts 4
Acts of Service 4
Quality Time 3
 
11 Quality Time
7 Words of Affirmation
7 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch
0 Receiving Gifts

Which is good because one of my spice speaks Quality time and the other speaks Acts of service, and Words of Affirmation. I'm covered.:D
 
Just wanted to say thanks MG for starting this thread and thanks Ariakis for the link to the test. I did the test and have fired it around to friends and family. It's the subtleties that are important I think.

Poly relationships require more attention to detail and this gives us another tool in which to do this. I have bent over backwards to be "of service" to Z, because it is high on my love language list but is actually quite low in his. To some extent we give as we want to receive.
 
This test is very helpful and can tell one so much about oneself in such a short time :D Thanks for the link to it. My scores are:

33% Physical Touch 10
27% Quality Time 8
20% Words of Affirmation 6
13% Acts of Service 4
7% Receiving Gifts 2

I was very surprised to find Acts of Service down so low on my love languages - with a few physically limiting medical conditions, I need a lot of help with daily chores and whatnot. Very surprised to find it so low on the list.

*And having physical touch so high on the list makes my LDR even more amazing, and even more amazing that both the men I love are in another country :p guess I must be a glutton for punishment :p
 
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This test is very helpful and can tell one so much about oneself in such a short time :D Thanks for the link to it. My scores are:

33% Physical Touch 10
27% Quality Time 8
20% Words of Affirmation 6
13% Acts of Service 4
7% Receiving Gifts 2

I was very surprised to find Acts of Service down so low on my love languages - with a few physically limiting medical conditions, I need a lot of help with daily chores and whatnot. Very surprised to find it so low on the list.

*And having physical touch so high on the list makes my LDR even more amazing, and even more amazing that both the men I love are in another country :p guess I must be a glutton for punishment :p

Well having PT high on the list may indicate that when you are most content and feeling loved is when you are physically intimate. LDRs may require more of the other aspects to equal PT and QT. Acts of Service may not rank because while you may require assistance once in a while you do not expect it. Just a thought. And I agree it is an interesting little quiz! Wish 2Rings would take it!!!:p
 
Poly relationships require more attention to detail and this gives us another tool in which to do this. I have bent over backwards to be "of service" to Z, because it is high on my love language list but is actually quite low in his. To some extent we give as we want to receive.
Not to sound off topic but it is kind of related. Funny you should mention the give and receive idea Sage. With Christmas approaching we were talking about the really puzzling gifts we have received over the years- from really good friends or close family, you know, the people that should know you best. Anyway, as you know while receiving gifts is low on my Love Language, I always appreciate gifts that are well thought out. Not more expensive or extravagant, on the contrary. The best gift I have received in the last couple of years was a garage sale find...I love old typewriters, it was a late 1920s Underwood. I never appreciate girly gifts...perfume or flowers or fluffy things and it always amazes me when people with whom I have relationships buy those things for me. I take great care in listening to my loved ones and choosing special things or surprises that they would NEVER buy for themselves. Things that he/she have always wanted. I love cookbooks...not everyone loves to cook, why would I buy something I like for someone who may not find that same thing interesting?
Anyway, back on point, instead of thinking of ourselves when showing love...how much better would our relationships be if we really started every thought or action with that other person's love language in mind? Not a great revelation here, but one so many of us overlook. ;)
 
This was an interesting test. I did it for my primary only, maybe later I would have all my lovelies give it a try. That would take quite some quality time. ;)

Words of Affirmation: 13%
Quality Time: 33%
Receiving Gifts: 10%
Acts of Service: 13%
Physical Touch: 30%
 
Five Love Lanaguages

nycindie's posting of "Everyday Commitments To Loving Kindness" inspired me to start a thread about the Five Love Languages. (I did a search and didn't find it, so if this is a repeat, I apologize.) It's also not specifically poly (in fact, the creator is an Evangelical Christian and the website is heavily focused on monogamous relationships), but it has a lot of value. A poly-friendly therapist friend of mine suggested it to me. It's a tool that's been very helpful to me and my partners.

5lovelanguages.com

The idea is that we all have a predominant love language from one of the five (Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts). This is the way we express and interpret love. And if we aren't aware of our partners' love languages, we will give them love the way we want to receive it. This was an epiphany for me. Knowing that my predominant love language is Words of Affirmation really helped my partner for whom Acts of Service means love...and vice versa.

There's a quiz on the website and you have to choose to take it as a husband, a wife, or a single. It's the same set of questions framed differently by role. Definitely worth your time. :)

JG
 
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thanks julia. i was not surprised by my love language. and i think the misses's's's (i hate apostrophes) might be different.

oh great.... now i am having an epiphany! sheesh now i have to think.... about relationship schtuff, and emotions. (not easy for us emotionally stunted men).

ok seriously... i need to have her take the quiz, unfortunately i think we might be polar opposites on this thing. i mean, that would mean that we complete one another in a yin yang sort of co-existence, and we both believe in balance, karma, justice, and an influence from the universe.... but if i am right, i believe my lowest scores 1 or 2 (acts, gifts) would be her highest scores.

ha ha... now i have to be introspective too!!!! carp!<spell check cant fix everything. for someone who puts stock in balance, my scores were anything but.... i was 8,8,1,2,11. of course there is the redhead influence kicking in there at the end, and a somewhat abusive childhood (red headed step child) causing a need to be reassured and bumping the front scores.... oh great.... now i am self analyzing, i feel like i should be billing myself for this session, but i cant afford my own rates!

thanks julia for throwing a monkey wrench into my day. :p
he he he.

seriously thank you, it was very informative, and it could seriously boost a level of communication between loving adults.

schtuff.
 
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Hi! This book is pretty popular with people here. I haven't read it yet. It's mentioned in lots of threads, but I don't think there are many that are devoted to the book/concept. Here is one:

My Love Language Profile

You might also like this thread, where lots of people posted their love languages, too:

Myers Briggs and polyamory.
 
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8 Words of Affirmation
6 Quality Time
0 Receiving Gifts
8 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch

Apparently the only thing I don't need in a relationship is gifts. :)
 
ok seriously... i need to have her take the quiz, unfortunately i think we might be polar opposites on this thing. i mean, that would mean that we complete one another in a yin yang sort of co-existence, and we both believe in balance, karma, justice, and an influence from the universe.... but if i am right, i believe my lowest scores 1 or 2 (acts, gifts) would be her highest scores. .

Having different love languages is expected and no biggie, really. :) The point is that some miscommunications happen when one person is trying to show they love the person in a way that doesn't communicate love for their partner. For example a man for whom "Acts of Service" is how he feels love, might do a lot of things like fix the car, mow the lawn, etc. and that's how he shows love to his wife. If his wife's love language is "Quality Time", then she's not "feeling" any love from him, because he's spending all of his time doing things instead of with her! :)

The book is good, I just finished it, but yes it is focused on monogamy and there is one line about having more than one partner diminishing the relationship, so anti-poly statement right there. But... I'm really good at glossing over that stuff.

Basically you don't really need to read the book. Just having each of you take the quiz, find out what the major love language(s) are, and then making the effort to communicate your love through your partner's love language is really all there is to it.
 
There are a few talks about this test already, but I think its popular enough, there will always be more. :) I hope you don`t mind my following, nay-saying, its not personal :D

That said, while I think Gary Chapman has some good info about many things, I have never been a fan of this test for poly or open relationships.

Like the test shows, It is divided for husbands, and wives, versus, 'singles'.

Odds are your 'love style' with one partner, will not carry over to be exactly the same with every partner. This is not a representation always of WHO you are. It is a representation of who you are as a individual, once mingled with someone else, in the case of married people.

In the cause of single and higher autonomy, you will have a very different viewpoint.

Also take into account, that for married people,...your state of mind is different person to person. So while one person might be a 'glass-is-half-full' kind of person and counting their blessings with their spouse, they will check off the answers that they routinely feel cherished on.
A 'glass-is-half-empty' person will check off the things they crave.

It seems people take this test to heart, and then define how they want to be loved by it. So I have not been a very big fan of this test for the flaws of logic.

If people are really fans of the test, I would suggest that they take it a few times. Both as a married or person in a relationship, and then clear their mind, feel independent, and take it as a single. Vice-versa for singles. If you are single, think of your last long-term relationship you were in, and take the spouse side.

Then take it on different days, depending on various moods.

It might be more accurate then, if people understand the various things that can change how they feel loved.
 
We can agree to disagree, SourGirl. :) Just because I've found something to be helpful doesn't mean everyone will. And I realize that it's not the end all and be all of relationship tools. It's just one among many. :)

JG
 
I just viewed the test as an indicator (as I do most tests). I was a bit surprised at how high my secondary language scored (didn't really realize I had one), but as I put much more thought into it, it made sense. SourGirl is right in that the test should not be taken as absolute, your love language can change and evolve over time and from relationship to relationship. My top three tend to rotate order of importance.

I found the book EXTREMELY helpful, especially as we went over it together. It's so much easier to say to my husband, "Hey, I need some quality time" or to make sure that I express my gratitude when he cleans up the kitchen. It gave the both of us a lot of insight into each other.
 
I don't know... I may love other people differently depending on what they need, but my love language doesn't change with each person I'm in a relationship with. It's the same whether it's a love relationship, friendship, family, etc. In order to feel loved and close with someone I require the same things-- quality time and physical touch, though obviously that's expressed differently with hubs than with my kidlets or my friends! :D
 
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