I think that would probably be the only way to address the issues in order to resolve and get past them. I mean, if you can't discuss your fears with him, which are a direct result of things that happened between you, what would be the point of getting back together?I guess I just need to tell him that I feel this way.
Frankly, I don't understand this dichotomy. Are you saying you are both just pretending a perfect world when together? If that brings you joy, yes, why not, but there should be a way to talk about what each of you feels. Time to chill and time to problem solve. Your insecurity seem to be caused much by that "I don't know where I stand with him" thing. If he could just admit to you what he hesitates about - wouldn't that help?When we are together, all these insecurities disappear. He's loving, attentive, interested, tells me he loves me, kisses me passionately (no sex yet though which is a whole other topic). I feel great while I'm with him and the next day but then I get no loving language from him...
I guess in that case, I would be turning it around. Without demanding specifics, you could be asking: What would YOU like to do about us? Do you see a path to rebuild trust? Perhaps he has some good ideas himself. And you will see what effort he does already put in and what effort he's willing to try.
Frankly, I don't understand this dichotomy. Are you saying you are both just pretending a perfect world when together? If that brings you joy, yes, why not, but there should be a way to talk about what each of you feels. Time to chill and time to problem solve. Your insecurity seem to be caused much by that "I don't know where I stand with him" thing. If he could just admit to you what he hesitates about - wouldn't that help?
Yes! It seems you've been effective. And you have done that huge leap towards tending to yourself first. I hope things will keep lightening up for youHonestly, what I had been doing is considering his wants and needs before considering my own. I have been doing a lot of self work and seeing a counselor, these have been helping a lot. But just finally getting to a place where I realised that I didn't want to continue living like I was, being so angry, sad and frustrated all the time, really was the catalyst. My self work and counselling gave me the tools to actually state my needs in a way that was heard and acted on. I was prepared to end my relationship with Wolf on Sunday night. I was so done with feeling awful about myself. I can't tell you how great I feel about myself now. I took back my power instead of giving it all to him.
I told him that I couldn't continue on like we were going. I couldn't maintain a connection with him if I was getting no loving language from him at all between the times that I was seeing him. He told me that this was so hard for him and that he didn't want to just make stuff up. I told him that it was hard for me too. I have a lot of anger and resentment over what happened and how he was hanging his end of our relationship. I told him that I didn't want to be the unfun one. I didn't want to always bring up the crappy stuff but that we had to deal with it.
I basically said that if he didn't start giving me more loving language I could not be in a relationship with him anymore. I didn't not want to continue to be his friend either because, in my mind, he was not being a particularly good friend. I set my hard boundary. Either he does the thing I need or we aren't in a relationship.