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  #1  
Old 09-11-2018, 04:19 PM
ebele ebele is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2018
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Cool Nervous, Needing Advice

New to poly . . . I love the philosophy and the science behind it . . . but the fellow I'm dating appears to be making an emotional connection faster than I am with others. One young lady in particular. I am having a really hard time with this. Advice?
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  #2  
Old 09-11-2018, 06:44 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Location: Yelm, Washington
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Greetings ebele,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you are having a hard time trying to share the guy you're dating, or maybe you're just feeling envious that he seems to make an emotional connection so easily. My advice to you is to sit down and try to analyze what parts of making an emotional connection are challenging for you. There may be something you can do to make things easier. By the way, just out of curiosity, do you use OKCupid? It is a good dating site, and poly friendly.

I'll also respond here to your other post where it says, "I'm having a really hard time when the concept of emotional sharing is becoming real and not just theory. Have you had any issues like that?"

I think just about everyone has that difficulty at one time or another. The thing to do is to not go too fast, perhaps your boyfriend would be willing to slow down a little if you ask him to. Communication is also important, don't be afraid to talk about your feelings. I find it also helps to post updates on your situation, it gives us opportunities to give you new advice.

I hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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  #3  
Old 09-12-2018, 05:03 PM
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polyaccidental91 polyaccidental91 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Maine, USA
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Smile Hi ebele,

hi Ebele, its nice to meet you! i fell into a poly relationship before i even knew such a thing existed, so its interesting to hear about the difficulties from a different point of view.
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  #4  
Old 09-14-2018, 07:51 AM
ebele ebele is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 3
Unhappy

Yeah, I really thought I was a bigger person than this, lol. I dabbled in poly over the years. Then I fell head over heels for a fellow who doesn't believe in traditional relationships. I meditated and read about that for a month and was in. I set an OKC profile. I got him to set one up. I knew I was opening his eyes to that world.

I've gone on a couple of meet and greets. I haven't found a guy I'm attracted to in person. He's out getting laid. I care so much about him, maybe I'm not the right person for him to have this adventure with. The fact I use the word "laid" and not "making love" or "finding a beautiful physical connection,"
. . . Oh, I vomited in my mouth a little.

Everything is difficult for me in finding a deep personal-emotional-connection. I can play the game. He's balls deep. Get it? lol

I might not be able to do this
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Old 09-20-2018, 12:03 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ebele View Post
Yeah, I really thought I was a bigger person than this, lol. I dabbled in poly over the years. Then I fell head over heels for a fellow who doesn't believe in traditional relationships. I meditated and read about that for a month and was in. I set an OKC profile. I got him to set one up. I knew I was opening his eyes to that world.

I've gone on a couple of meet and greets. I haven't found a guy I'm attracted to in person. He's out getting laid. I care so much about him, maybe I'm not the right person for him to have this adventure with. The fact I use the word "laid" and not "making love" or "finding a beautiful physical connection,"
. . . Oh, I vomited in my mouth a little.

Everything is difficult for me in finding a deep personal-emotional-connection. I can play the game. He's balls deep. Get it? lol

I might not be able to do this
Well, if you're poly and he's just looking for casual sex, it sounds like he's not the right guy for you.

I've been on OK Cupid for about 9 years. It is possible to find a real relationship there. But the huge majority of men (if it's men you're seeking) are just looking to get laid... You have to wade through all that to find the ones that want an actual emotional mental spiritual connection, as well as hot sex.
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