After careful examination of the "flow chart" linked to in post 17 [
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showpost.php?p=5076&postcount=17], I've decided that either (a) the author of that flow chart is decidedly NOT a polyamorist or (b) the author of the flow chart is simply cracking a joke about people who are not polyamorists and yet pretend to be polyamorists.
I'd say that flowchart is spot on. Unicorn hunters are couples looking for a single (unattached to anybody), bi babe, who is looking to hook up with a couple (equally to each, mind you), and have no interest in anybody else, usually while being more of a marital accessory or marital aid than actual living, breathing, equal partner.
There are lots of triads to be found. Most of those did not involve unicorn hunting, however. The triad came together without the couple necessarily looking for a unicorn or the other woman necessarily looking for a couple, things just worked out that way. (So, just because a woman joined an existing couple doesn't make her a unicorn.)
The flowchart describes accurately what I've seen in many different places. So many couples declare they want to try out polyamory, but only if they can find a unicorn--there's no allowance for the wife finding a girlfriend who doesn't hit it off with him, or the husband finding a girlfriend who doesn't hook up with her, or for a woman interested in both of them who also happens to be involved with others. Far too many of them do expect that the girlfriend would essentially be a live-in maid or nanny. It's ugly and dysfunctional...but that's the way it is.
Now, most unicorn hunters seem to figure out the lay of the land quickly and realize there aren't many women just waiting for a perfect couple to come along. Some never do. We're just like any other segment of society--some of us are just really dysfunctional. You can try to label those dysfunctional folk as "not real polyamorists" and then you only sound like the people who claims others aren't "real Christians" and so forth. They're poly--dysfunctional, yes, though still poly.
When unicorn hunters do find unicorns and the triad works well, with everybody accorded equal status...well, that sort of thing would warm my heart, anyway (and if it wouldn't warm yours, you're a heartless philistine!). I've not met any such triad, to date. None of the triads I've met involved unicorn hunting or a unicorn, the triad just fell together without planning.
Sheesh! That just gushed out...I'm just so chatty right now.