sfindependent
New member
After a while of living a life that basically rail roaded a lot of good relationships, I decided to keep my relationships open. casual. painfully honest.
I think because of this, I've been having wonderful relationships. I met wonderful people. Had short but fulfilling relationships. I even still at this time, have been seeing one that as lasted for over a year. Nothing serious. We just have fun, sometimes dates. But nothing that calls upon anything more than dates and a bit of a connection. A few friends even agree, my destiny so to speak, may be to lead a polyamorous life. A few close friends mentioned I looked happier and more content with my relationships.
I met Farmer's Daughter about Mid June or so. And it was great. She was beautiful. She was funny. She was inclusive. She included me in her day. And we were very communicative with each other. We had the same humor. The same music preferences. And we both wanted kids in the end. We also had the same values. She always said "we'll figure it out", "we'll be good" and the like.
But 3 weeks ago, we had a talk. We planned to go camping (in the short amount of time we were together, we had a couple of day long, out of the city drives amongst other things) and went out hanging with my friends the night before. That morning, I decided to "have the talk". Not the define the relationship talk, but rather, talk about what we wanted. I decided to stick with my guns, try out the poly life, and she wanted to be monogamous. It was a defining moment. No crying was involved. We decided to break up. After we decided to break up, we carried our way through out the day. I made her breakfast, watched a movie, had sex. Stayed in bed. Then we decided to have lunch. We held hands. Kissed. PDA'd. Then we went to get ice cream, stopped by a pharmacy, then went window shopping. We carried about our day. We got back to my place, watched another movie, then had sex again. She said, as she left that she's not the type to let things linger. She implied that she didn't talk to ex lovers, and wanted a clean break. She teared up in the end, but otherwise it was amicable.
i went about my life, aside from my other life situations. Saw my other lovers. But this time, they felt different. I keep thinking of Farmer's. We were friends. We had great chemistry. But we had to end it because of something i'm going through, or at least feel whom I should be. I'm not sure.
I feel conflicted. I'm worried that my old life, or rather, my "poly life" (i put quotation marks on it, because i'm still in doubt as to who I am") would get in the way. Her concerns are valid, but i think so is mine.
We haven't talked since we parted ways. I have other things to focus on, and as much as i want to compartmentalize my life, such like this post I can't.
Did i do the right thing? How do I make up my mind? I feel we left things on such a good note, I feel this is up to me.
Lastly, a friend of mine asked me "are these people important to you?". They're not. Not at least future wise. Farmer knows this.
I'm confused.
I think because of this, I've been having wonderful relationships. I met wonderful people. Had short but fulfilling relationships. I even still at this time, have been seeing one that as lasted for over a year. Nothing serious. We just have fun, sometimes dates. But nothing that calls upon anything more than dates and a bit of a connection. A few friends even agree, my destiny so to speak, may be to lead a polyamorous life. A few close friends mentioned I looked happier and more content with my relationships.
I met Farmer's Daughter about Mid June or so. And it was great. She was beautiful. She was funny. She was inclusive. She included me in her day. And we were very communicative with each other. We had the same humor. The same music preferences. And we both wanted kids in the end. We also had the same values. She always said "we'll figure it out", "we'll be good" and the like.
But 3 weeks ago, we had a talk. We planned to go camping (in the short amount of time we were together, we had a couple of day long, out of the city drives amongst other things) and went out hanging with my friends the night before. That morning, I decided to "have the talk". Not the define the relationship talk, but rather, talk about what we wanted. I decided to stick with my guns, try out the poly life, and she wanted to be monogamous. It was a defining moment. No crying was involved. We decided to break up. After we decided to break up, we carried our way through out the day. I made her breakfast, watched a movie, had sex. Stayed in bed. Then we decided to have lunch. We held hands. Kissed. PDA'd. Then we went to get ice cream, stopped by a pharmacy, then went window shopping. We carried about our day. We got back to my place, watched another movie, then had sex again. She said, as she left that she's not the type to let things linger. She implied that she didn't talk to ex lovers, and wanted a clean break. She teared up in the end, but otherwise it was amicable.
i went about my life, aside from my other life situations. Saw my other lovers. But this time, they felt different. I keep thinking of Farmer's. We were friends. We had great chemistry. But we had to end it because of something i'm going through, or at least feel whom I should be. I'm not sure.
I feel conflicted. I'm worried that my old life, or rather, my "poly life" (i put quotation marks on it, because i'm still in doubt as to who I am") would get in the way. Her concerns are valid, but i think so is mine.
We haven't talked since we parted ways. I have other things to focus on, and as much as i want to compartmentalize my life, such like this post I can't.
Did i do the right thing? How do I make up my mind? I feel we left things on such a good note, I feel this is up to me.
Lastly, a friend of mine asked me "are these people important to you?". They're not. Not at least future wise. Farmer knows this.
I'm confused.