One week
M checked herself into the psychiatric ward last Wednesday, the 1st. We didn't hear anything until a day later, and then it took another day before we heard about visiting hours and such.
She has suffered from chronic depression since she was a child. She also has fibromyalgia/chronic pain. She said that she's been on a downward spiral for the past two months with her depression deepening and her chronic pain escalating. She didn't like that she was making end of life plans and knew it was time to get a brain tune-up.
I admire that she did that. It's not easy to draw a line in the sand and say today is the day I am going to disrupt my life and do something to change it.
She sent Bond a message saying that it wasn't due to recent events and that she'd like for all of us (Bond, Golden, and myself) to visit, but that she wanted a visit from him by himself some time. Bond visited her daily from Saturday to Tuesday (discharged Wednesday.) Golden didn't get there at all, and I had to postpone visiting until Tuesday when I went with Bond because I came down with a nasty cold on Saturday.
It appears that she used the time well while she was there. The doctors adjusted her meds and added a new one. She got out yesterday. She goes back to work in a week, and I think she's going to ask for a lighter schedule for a while. I have no idea what that will do to our calendar as she's expressed that she wants to spend as much time as possible with Bond.
She has reached out on Facebook for help.
THANK YOU for all of the well wishes. I really appreciate them. People have asked what they can do. Here's my super short list for right now: 1. visits (not sure how long I'll be here - Tuesday day at least) M-F 11:45-12:30 and 5-9:00 - 2. donuts (seriously - Greenbush or People's Bakery!) - 3. when I get home I'd like a cleaning partner for my kitchen at least - having my environment around me neat and clean helps my brain feel more organized
:::hugs::: peeps - you all rock — feeling grateful.
I offered to help clean, but another friend who lives closer posted right before me to do the same so I expect I won't be tagged for that.
She told Bond that she'd like to freeze some meals so that she has healthy, easy to grab meals for work. I sent her a message saying I'd be happy to do this with her.
Bond said you wanted to cook meals up to freeze. I like doing that too. Maybe we can do a joint effort some time. I should pick up more storage containers. My friend, Michelle, always kept our freezer stocked with soup and it was so convenient and healthy. She has some really good recipes that I think she'd share. I have a recipe for turkey and spinach meatballs that are delicious and freeze/thaw well. It's nice to bag them up by 4 pieces to take for lunch. If you're interested in doing this together, we could spend a couple of hours before Beatdown working on it and let things simmer/bake/cool while you are doing that and then finish up afterwards.
Overall I have several concerns:
1.) Even before visiting her and hearing her say how the doctors and therapists were all praising her and saying how excellent she deals with everything and how she has her head on her shoulders, etc., I wonder if they see the real M. She talks a good line, but doesn't walk it. And she doesn't even see that she's not walking it, because she either can't be honest enough with herself, or doesn't have the capacity to see things from more than one perspective. This isn't the first time I've had that thought. I expect a therapist wouldn't get much to work with until s/he saw her in couple's therapy where another's perspective would expose opposing viewpoints.
2.) My other big concern is that Bond will feel responsible for her mental health and will not make tough relationship decisions when needed.
We talked about the second one as we left the hospital. He thinks she won't let her depression obfuscate their relationship, that she tries to keep it separate, and that he will be able to make hard decisions regardless.
I hope so.
I am being supportive and have sent M supporting messages, links to Brene Brown's Power of Vulnerability TED talk, kick ass songs, etc. to help in any measure I can. She's been very receptive and reciprocal with kindness.
It's too soon to know if this will have any lasting power. I think she's viewing me in Bond's life in a different manner since their break-up/non-break-up event. She said she wouldn't be a secondary to me, but either she has accepted that role (thus the non-break-up) or she has shifted how she views each of our roles in his life and has found some peace with it, or something else that is unknown to me at this time. It seems different, but I'm not sure exactly what that is yet.