Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

"Happy Wednesday
I have the day off I hope you do too
I have some ideas
love to spread joy for the holidays"
 
I didn't say yes... I didn't say anything. I don't take orders well in general.

I'm imagining this person doing the Jedi hand wave as he types:

"I'm not interested."

~~~~~"We should know each other. Say yes."~~~~

... <blink blink> ...

"Yes. We should know each other"

:rolleyes:
 
And the next time I see you, Mags, I will be sure to comment on your GREAT BREASTS!!

Both of them, even! :D

(OMG, how do you even slog through this stuff!?)
 
And the next time I see you, Mags, I will be sure to comment on your GREAT BREASTS!!

Both of them, even! :D

(OMG, how do you even slog through this stuff!?)

hehe, it's just part of my daily housekeeping, YAH. And I am a good '50's housewife.

LIST

Wash Pyrex
Delete inappropriate OKC messages
Grocery shop
Iron aprons
Wash kitchen floor
Assemble casserole
 
:D
 
so I exchange a couple of messages with OKC guy. He is not poly, but interested, and asks good questions, seems honest, smart and attractive. 89% match. I go check out his questions and look at the 'unacceptable answers' category. Yeah, should've done that sooner. I usually do - I have a couple of questions I search for, the ones about open relationships, and the famous 'do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?'

he thinks, yes. He also says he would't mind dating someone who's expressed negative bias towards someone of another race.

Ok, next!
 
First message:


All the way from Tel Aviv, Israel. He must be very lonely, lol
 
I see your age range stops at 35. How concrete is this number?​

From a 29-year-old. It is a reasonable question, but the phrasing amuses me for some reason.

(My response was that it's very concrete and that I actually *prefer* older than 35... My personal, though unstated in dating profiles, standard is that if they're closer to Alt's age than mine, I don't touch 'em. So in theory, my minimum age right now would be 33 (12 years younger than me, 13 years older than Alt). In reality, I feel creepy and weird with guys who are more than 4-5 years younger, plus I like to feel like a partner can take care of me--I don't necessarily need them to actually do it, I just want to *feel* like they could--and with a guy who's a lot younger I feel like I'm supposed to take care of him.)
 
Heh, when you get to be my age (60), it's the older guys that need more care than the younger ones! lol I feel very well taken care of by Punk, who is 41. ;)
 
LOL!

I think with me, part of what I mean by being taken care of is that while I don't identify as "a little", I definitely have "little" aspects to my personality. I need to be with someone that those internal "children" can trust to care for them, and I don't usually have that trust when a guy is younger than me by more than a couple of years.

It's hard to explain... then again, having fragmented "child" pieces of my consciousness living in my brain is hard to explain by itself. One of the things I love about Woody is that not only does he understand, he intentionally engages with those aspects because he knows it helps me feel more comfortable and trust him more. (And one of the things about S2 that contributed to how much I trusted him and is still making it difficult to let go of him is that even though he *didn't* know about those fragments until several months into the relationship, right from the beginning he unknowingly engaged with "them", and "they" felt completely safe with him.)
 
I'm not 100% sure, but I think "a little" is an adult that likes to roleplay the part of a child.
 
Sometimes it's about roleplay. Sometimes it's more how you feel or how you identify...Basically, though, Kevin has it right, and it usually shows up in a D/s context in which the Dominant partner acts as a parent, in a way, while the submissive is the child. The "little" wants/needs to be cared for the way a child would be. It is emphatically NOT a sexual kink; when in "little" mode, the person is treated exactly as one would treat a real child the age the "little" identifies as. For example, the Dominant might give the "little" coloring books and crayons, or read them a bedtime story, or brush and braid their hair, or that kind of thing.

It's hard to explain thoroughly, and attempts to google the definition I'm trying to give were unsuccessful. LittleStuffies, one of our newer members, has a blog thread in which she discusses being a "little", so that's a resource that might explain it. LovingRadiance also references the concept in her blog.

In my case, *I* am not a little, but because of the traumas in my past, fragments of my personality essentially broke off and froze at the ages I was when the most severe traumas occurred. As part of my therapy early on, I was told to address those aspects as if I were speaking to *myself* at those ages and tell "them" the abuse wasn't their fault...and I couldn't do it. I was too angry and too hurt, because I was only just realizing that all those things were WRONG, and only just accepting the impact those things had had on my life to that point (I was 36; it was after I left my kids' father), and even though I knew the abuse wasn't my fault, I was furious with the "children" pieces of me.

The therapist asked if I would be angry with a real child who had experienced trauma, and I said of course not. The problem was that I was angry with myself for being "fucked up", and I focused the anger on the fragments of myself left from those times. So the therapist suggested addressing the fragments as if they were separate children, and that worked. I still do it sometimes, though of course they're not separate, because sometimes it's still a therapeutic thing.

Because of all that, sometimes instead of feeling like the 45-year-old me, I feel like the 4-year-old me. Or the 6-year-old. Or the 8-year-old, or the 11-year-old. I don't *act* like it such that anyone would realize that's what's going on, but some of the people I've known, like Woody and S2, recognize it anyway. Woody can tell because I told him about "them" the day we met; I never figured out how S2 was consistently able to engage with "them" even though he didn't know "they" were there.
 
It sounds like your "little" experience is more of the feel/identify kind.
 
In some ways, yeah, but not entirely. I don't identify as a child at any time, but sometimes I feel considerably younger than I am.

Like I said, it's hard to explain...
 
Heh, well the feel kind, anyway.

I like your description of how past abuses become snapshots that bits of you were frozen into. You could certainly do worse as far as survival mechanisms go.
 
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