Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

I've decided to leave OKC . . . again. This is my second go-around with the site, and I think my separation from it may be permanent.

I deleted all content from my profile, and posted a parting thought:

I'm leaving soon, but am leaving my account up for a short while longer.

In the mean time, a parting thought, by way of explanation, from "How To Be a Poet (to remind myself)" by Wendell Berry:

Shun electric wire.
Communicate slowly. Live
a three-dimensional life;
stay away from screens.
Stay away from anything
that obscures the place it is in.​

Now, I've been on OKC (this time around) for a few months, and have received no messages at all . . . until I posted that I was leaving. Then within minutes I receive this, from a woman whose profile indicates she has recently married:

Congratulations! Maybe now would be a good time to delete your profile and show your wife you are dedicated to her.​

I wrote the following reply:

(Had you read my profile before, you'd have seen that my wife knows I'm on here. She is, too. We are committed to one another, but not to the exclusion of other relationships. Yes, it's unconventional, but there it is.)​

. . . then blocked her.
 
Congratulations! Maybe now would be a good time to delete your profile and show your wife you are dedicated to her.​

LOL

I got a good one on Dec 13

Hello there! I never use this site but I could not help but say hello when I saw your profile. You seem very interesting, I have many of the same interests, eclectic music sort of stuff. I love jazz and hip hop myself; my life passion is poetry. I am in [my city] and study literature. I see you are "looking for" individuals of a slightly younger age, 25-40? I fall shy of the range at 23 (well, in February I will be) but perhaps we can spark a conversation if that isn't a dealbreaker? Have a pleasant day!

And so I wrote back. His 2nd msg was even better.

...My interest is piqued due to your photos and the fact that you are interested in younger men. Very piqued.

You say in your profile you are intruiged by the goddess mythologies/religions? They interest me too, though being male perhaps influences my bias toward the warrior mythologies. I feel like most of the theological systems we have now are half-and-half, usually with the paganistic fertiltiy superceded by warrior values, no doubt because the fertility/goddess culture was invaded by the battling/warrior culture. How well they combine them is a key to their interesting-ness, for me. Christianity isn't graceful with it, between the Virgin Mary and the proselytizing Truth that is Jesus. Hinduism is graceful, with Krishna and his consort Radha being the self-concious unity of the two forces, male and female. And of course, the ancient Greeks did it best, embodied in Pallas Athena, herself a virgin warrior.

Anywho I could rap all day about these things, let me cut to the chase. I am interested in sex with you. I fully am attracted to older women. Your posted photos, show a voluptuous body that really excites me sexually. The fact that your hair is gray is hot because it shows you are comfortable with your naturalness, and I love that sort of confidence. Young women rarely, if ever, are ok with themselves like that. In short I am attracted to you and am extremely interested in your sex.

I apologize for the lack of photos; I have some on another computer, I'd be happy to send some to you at a later date. I am not trying to dick you around in that regard (as it were), I am admittedly a tad shy but I am not trying to be deceptive or elusive, at least not privately. So, if my catharsis hasn't frightened you, I hope to hear from you soon. Tell me about yourself, I am quite sick of focusing on me these past paragraphs. How long have you lived in [my city]? I see you're well-traveled, why the hell do you choose to stay here? What are some of your favorite literary and/or theological ideas? & suchlike etcetera. Hope to hear from you soon!

*swoon*
 
I received a message about a week ago that opened with this:

"Poly Pagan & Weird? SIGN ME UP! ...."

She had my attention completely from the outset. I responded and we've traded numerous messages. We have a date sometime next week (the specific time yet to be decided).
 
First message: hi u wanna meet
My response: Hi. You have nothing in your profile... don't know that we have anything in common... I don't meet people I know nothing about..
Next message: aw common we could probably have fun
My response: Yeah, no. Did you read my profile? Cause I think you missed some parts if you did.
Next message: common u know u wanna hav fun
My response: Not interested
Next message: honey come on dont u want to play
My response: NO

Aaaaannnndddd blocked.

He had a blank profile.

I have a profile that clearly states I'm not looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy.

*sigh*

On the other hand I'm communicting with a cute redhead who I may meet in Jan at MVK :p
 
Aaaaannnndddd blocked.

He had a blank profile.

I have a profile that clearly states I'm not looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy.
Hell, even if someone IS looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy, what you describe is a big red flag to stay away! :eek: I don't think I want someone like that even sharing the same sidewalk as me!
 
You folks actually GET responses/replies/interest? I've been there for I don't know how long. I have plenty of people LOOK at my profile but I have had maybe a handful of people actually reply to something in my profile. I do more replying to other people's profiles & getting no response back than I do responding to anything coming into my inbox! *pout*

I get more private messages here regarding the Toronto meet and greet than I do on OKC about anything!

Not complaining, really, just wondering how come so many people (here and other places I frequent) get all these responses (welcome or not) when I get nothing!
 
Him: Your profile is like an Abilify commercial, 80% disclaimers. I have a hard time believing you use the site. I've got a notion you are some kind of demographer. I first started using okcupid to write a story about it. But things got weird.

I could never imagine an open marriage. I bet a lot of guys will message you little critiques of your circumstance. You'll find a large number of sexually-repressed Catholics in this city.

And this brings me to god. I don't like to talk about it sometimes and now.

------------

Me: I don't get a lot of messages. I'm guessing that's due to the disclaimers. I keep em up just for that. No one has ever messaged me with a critique. Actually, some have messaged me wanting to learn more about polyamory.

Good thing I'm an Atheist.

-------------

Him: Well the notion of god serves a political function that I believe remains very real, American life's greatest contradiction. Contradiction because LGBT-run network television coexists with yuppie culture (*problematic). There is a Built to Spill line from 'Untrustable,' "god is whoever you're performing for / and god is whoever you perform for." Within this open definintion 'god' is family friends fucks social convention academia your mortgage your bossman. This 'network of gods' serves the same function as a god 'who acts in the world.' And I believe this network is more powerful than any external force could wish to be. So if atheism (to me) means withdrawel from social control, polyamory sensibly and naturally follows. I find some flaws in this last statement. Mostly polyamory just diffuses the influence of fucks...

-----------

Me: I can't say your message is very clear.

-----------

Him: Well I'm trying to say that belief in god or atheism is irrelevant since a god-function (the separate but equal mixture of culture, $, tradition, anti-tradition, and nihilism) is embedded in the fabric of American society. I know it's not clear and I'm not clear. I'll blame it on the inadequacies of language, but I know that's a cheap escape.

I try too hard with textual interface. The above treatise is proof. The term 'textual interface' is proof as well. I get started and I can't stop going into narcissistic digressions.

And why am I trying to talk to you about god??

----------

Me: Haha. I fear the act of trying to be clear prevents you from being clear sometimes if you try too hard. It's not uncommon. Or perhaps most Americans are dumbed down to the point that they can't understand anything with lots of words. I promise I'm not dumb, I just believe that I'm most clear when I speak as simply as possible.

I don't know. I took your first message as saying you don't like to talk about god.

I'm still left unclear as to your stance in polyamory.
---------

Him: It's not that I don't like to talk about god. My primary form of entertainment during my pre-collegiate years was deconstructing the Catholic ideal. I've just been having some issues facing my mortality lately. You know, the whole terrifying nothingness.

I'm not even clear as to my stance on love. My treatise on love is better prepared. It's all about meta-messages, intended messages and unintended messages. Begins with the Samuel Beckett quote, "All love is self-love." So I don't know my stance love.

--------

Me: Death reminds me that this life is but a moment that will some day be forever lost. It's a reminder how precious life is and how much each moment should be treasured. I do not believe in an afterlife. So I live and love as though this is it.

-------

Him: Is death a reminder to live without self-control or self-awareness? Do you believe man is a beast? What seperates you from the ape (don't take offense to this) in your nihilistic experience? Is the goal to live instinctively? Is love an instinct? Why am I asking so many questions?

-------

Me: I am a scientist. I don't think there is anything supernatural or special about being human. I don't think we are any different than the animals except that we drew the longer straw and get to be called "top dog". We destroy everything and rarely leave things better than we found them. In all that, death still reminds me that I am absurdly lucky to be able to experience any of this even if only for a brief instant. Is love an instinct? Well I believe in biology and psychology. So I think there are biological things going on when we are attracted to someone. As for why we call it love and choose to stay with them - well that's psychology and sociology. I don't believe love is some unknowable thing that is bigger than we can ever imagine. To me, it's chemicals and sociological events.
 
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By the way, I totally understand if that was a 'too long' didn't read moment.

Am I just really dense? I really find his messages bizarre.

Edit: oh one more!

Him: omg

----------

Me: omg

---------

him: you are flippen hot!!!!
 
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I do more replying to other people's profiles & getting no response back than I do responding to anything coming into my inbox! *pout*
Me too. I get lots of peepers who never answer me, and some real klunkers who send me stupid messages, but once in a while an interesting conversation and some possibility.
 
Vanille, I read the whole thing and found it fascinating. I agree, his message are quite bizarre. Many otherwise intelligent geeks are not great with either written word or communication in general. That feels a little beyond that though. I admire you for continuing ~ I wouldn't have. :D
 
Vanille, I read the whole thing and found it fascinating. I agree, his message are quite bizarre. Many otherwise intelligent geeks are not great with either written word or communication in general. That feels a little beyond that though. I admire you for continuing ~ I wouldn't have. :D
Ain't that the truth. >.< Put me in front of a computer or musical instrument, I'll do some brilliant things. But make me write or throw me into a social situation, I feel so out of place.

I find it odd that a lot of the females are mentioning that they seem to have to do all the work to find people. I find it to be the opposite for me. In fact, I often come across profiles where their messages are so full, I can't even send one myself. I think the majority of females have an easy time finding people wanting to talk with them. Even if most of them are just terrible. =P
 
I received a message about a week ago that opened with this:

"Poly Pagan & Weird? SIGN ME UP! ...."
I'm going to use that (citing whatever adjectives apply to the recipient of such cleverness).

Yay! I just used it! Only I substituted Artsy and Agnostic for Pagan and Weird. Hey, good stuff should be recycled.
 
Yesterday I got this very generic message from someone, not on OKC but at PMM:

"Looks like we would play well while exploring the energies and synergies. Looking forward to the possibilities. [his name & phone number]"​

That was it. No mention of anything in my profile. Looks like we'd play well? I assume he is using the word "play" to mean sex. My profile very specifically states I am not looking for casual sex. Explore energies and synergies? Yeeecccchhhh! And then he actually includes his phone number as if I would run right to my phone and call him up! I wrote back: "What does that mean? Is that your standard form letter you send to everyone?" His reply:

"No form. Looked like we had some compatibility. Seeking to find out if there was some interest in seeing if there was real alignment or not. Was there something off putting?"​

Man, he is full of cliches, but never indicates that he even read any of my profile, such as why he thinks we'd be compatible, which bugs me to no end. I wrote back why that was indeed off-putting and then I blocked him.


Addendum: The "poly, artsy, and agnostic" guy I mentioned having contacted (in my previous post) wrote back! He thinks my gray hair is sexy and likes curvy plus-sized women! He's not into casual sex and is looking for friendships first. And he's totally hawt, from what his pictures reveal. Hopefully there will be more to tell, eventually...
 
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Addendum: The "poly, artsy, and agnostic" guy I mentioned having contacted (in my previous post) wrote back! He thinks my gray hair is sexy and likes curvy plus-sized women! He's not into casual sex and is looking for friendships first. And he's totally hawt, from what his pictures reveal. Hopefully there will be more to tell, eventually...

:) Is he in your city?
 
*fairy dust luck sprinkles*
 
Just got this one

hi im 24m looking for an older bi woman to strapon me. i have done this before

No profile, no pic. What a moron.
 
Hey there Sabariel

I read your profile and found it interesting. I'm hoping to find another four or five women just like yourself to form a family together with. I think from your description of yourself, that would be an environment you would thrive in. I'd like to by you a coffee or soda sometime. When are you usually free for meeting people?

Apparently "polyamorous" actually means I want to belong to a harem...

I replied:

Wow, really?

Ok, first. "My self-summary should be filled in with time." How about you start with that and then start messaging random women who happen to be poly, once we have the vaguest idea who you are, what your interests are (aside from houses full of vagina), and whether you're a real person with real interests and thoughts and feelings, or just some creepy rapist guy.

Second. So you get your own personal harem... What's in it for me? I assume you would expect me to stop dating the other people I'm currently seeing in order to join your household?

Third. Suppose I joined your "family" and then you meet a new woman and you'd like her to join, but when we meet, I absolutely hate her. Do you just drop her? Or do you expect me to suck it up and get over it, and move her in despite the tensions and anxiety that will create in the "family."

Lastly, how do you have any clue what kind of environment I would "thrive" in? Nothing in my profile implied that I'm seeking a poly household or even so much as a roommate, never mind a house full of estrogen and probably babies too. Would you expect me to make babies? I don't particularly like babies, and I'm pretty sure I would be unable to live in a house full of babies and small children. Actually, scratch "pretty sure." I would go absolutely bat-shit crazy living in a house full of babies and small children. Possibly to the extent that the authorities would need to be involved.
 
His reply:

Haha! "... houses full of vagina..." that was awesome!!!

And the "bat-shit" crazy comment was pure gold too... hey, you pick the girls you want in our "harem" ok. The baby thing is only when you feel the absolute need to reproduce right? No need to force that kind of thing.

And no dropping of girls right... this isn't survivor island where you vote off the most unpopular member of the cast or something. Said another way... don't you think it's sensible to expect some estrogen conflict in a poly lifestyle? I think that's just part of the lifestyle and nothing to be afraid of or worry about. It all works itself out.

I like your questions and you are VERY humorous. Sexy and smart is the way I'm going to describe you right now ... is that something you'll let me do for now? ;-)

Well, I am smart and sexy, so at least he got that part right ;) I'm enjoying playing with this guy. I guess that makes me cruel and manipulative, but somehow I don't feel bad about that.

I responded:

Well survivor is where you throw 12 strangers in together, and let them battle it out to decide who stays. If you were to throw 6 female strangers into a house, I think it would be far messier and more dramatic than any episode of reality tv. And you would be caught in the middle of it, and no matter what you did, you'd be "wrong" (with 6 women, you'd have absolutely no chance of ever being "right," somebody would always be mad at you).

But you're talking about building a family. And in any family that I'd ever want to be part of, I would expect a fair and equal say in who else is going to join the family. It's not as simple as "estrogen conflict." Some people just aren't compatible, especially for cohabiting. There are people I work with (as there are for anyone) with whom I don't get along. I tolerate them at work, I'm polite and courteous because I'm grown-up like that, but I would never join them for drinks or invite them to a dinner party, because I don't enjoy their company and I have no desire to become friends.

Just because two women are compatible with the same man does not mean those two women are compatible with each other.

I have to say, I find your entire proposition somewhat selfish and sexist. Do you expect all these women to be monogamous with you? Or would they be free to explore other relationships outside the family? The whole reason I'm poly is that I realized, years ago, that I could not be happy being restricted from exploring my desires. For me, polyfidelity is as limiting as monogamy.
 
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