I'm not real sure where to begin.
Let me start with saying that I love my wife.
My wife and I meet back when she was 15 and I was 20. She was in high school and I was just starting college. We were each others real first loves and first sexual partners.
We dated for a couple years then moved in together. We got married after being together almost 4 years. We have now been married 10 years and have two children.
Now our relationship is a bit out of the main normal of marriages. We decided to become swingers (sharing each other sexually with others).
We typically had rules we followed and such. Usually only with couples and with single man with me around. During the early stages of this experience with this lifestyle my wife discovered she is bisexual. I'm ok with that.
After about 5 or so years into our marriage (about 9 years together) we tried her being with a guy alone without me. I didn't really like it. This guy liked to buy gifts for is partners. We never accepted them but my wife thought it was cool and a saw him a view times without my knowledge or permission. I count this as affair one. Also durning this time time she ended up being with the man of a a couple she knew. We as a couple never had meet with them or done anything with them. I count this as affair two.
After I found out about these two we talked and argued a lot. I never could forget about them. They always in the back of my mind. My wife agreed to not ever see or speak with them again (which to my knowledge she has kept up.) We also started an open text and email policy between us and after reading things on this site that sounded like all very correct and wise things.
But we never seemed to be quite the same. My wife at the time worked overnights and I worked day shift. So we rarely see each other. That is hard on me. I love spending time with her and wish for us to do a lot together. During the time after her two affairs she got a girlfriend that I didn't like or approve of but she perused the relationship anyway.
This made things much harder on us and my wife would spend most of her time with her girlfriend and I felt like I was losing time that should be mine to her girlfriend. We would have a lot of fights over her girlfriend and how I didn't like her. After about 9 months my wife and her girlfriend broke up.
We after that her and i would have our good times and bad times but I still couldn't forget her affair or how bad things gotten between us always fighting about her girlfriend.
Now recently in July she met up with another man. I found this by once going in one of her emails. I found this out in like September. I confronted her about it and we got in a fight over it. She said "I was pissed so decided I'd do it"
So that's affair number 3.
She's also gotten a new girlfriend that we've both been with but I don't fully trust the new girlfriend either.
My wife feels she needs privacy and I shouldn't expect to know or have access to all her texts, emails, and facebook to make sure she isn't cheating or lying to me.
She says she feels like she is being controlled, spied on, has no privacy, etc and that isn't right. We should have trust. She's gone as far as to install new programs that I don't know about on her phone in order to chat with her girlfriend (maybe others I'm not sure) that doesn't log and doesn't want me to see.
Now tonight she planned and went out with her girlfriend without even talking to me or asking if I thought it was ok. I'm thinking of this as affair number 4. Since just a week or so ago her and I agreed that cheating (or an affair) is any sexual act or being naked with anyone without each other's knowledge and permission. She doesn't believe this counts since this is her girlfriend she is with and not someone else.
Guess I just don't know how to stop the fighting and get her to stop lying and hiding things from me. I know our marriage is not the typical but I need some advice. I want to get pass all this and make it better for both of us.
I really need some guidance.
Let me start with saying that I love my wife.
My wife and I meet back when she was 15 and I was 20. She was in high school and I was just starting college. We were each others real first loves and first sexual partners.
We dated for a couple years then moved in together. We got married after being together almost 4 years. We have now been married 10 years and have two children.
Now our relationship is a bit out of the main normal of marriages. We decided to become swingers (sharing each other sexually with others).
We typically had rules we followed and such. Usually only with couples and with single man with me around. During the early stages of this experience with this lifestyle my wife discovered she is bisexual. I'm ok with that.
After about 5 or so years into our marriage (about 9 years together) we tried her being with a guy alone without me. I didn't really like it. This guy liked to buy gifts for is partners. We never accepted them but my wife thought it was cool and a saw him a view times without my knowledge or permission. I count this as affair one. Also durning this time time she ended up being with the man of a a couple she knew. We as a couple never had meet with them or done anything with them. I count this as affair two.
After I found out about these two we talked and argued a lot. I never could forget about them. They always in the back of my mind. My wife agreed to not ever see or speak with them again (which to my knowledge she has kept up.) We also started an open text and email policy between us and after reading things on this site that sounded like all very correct and wise things.
But we never seemed to be quite the same. My wife at the time worked overnights and I worked day shift. So we rarely see each other. That is hard on me. I love spending time with her and wish for us to do a lot together. During the time after her two affairs she got a girlfriend that I didn't like or approve of but she perused the relationship anyway.
This made things much harder on us and my wife would spend most of her time with her girlfriend and I felt like I was losing time that should be mine to her girlfriend. We would have a lot of fights over her girlfriend and how I didn't like her. After about 9 months my wife and her girlfriend broke up.
We after that her and i would have our good times and bad times but I still couldn't forget her affair or how bad things gotten between us always fighting about her girlfriend.
Now recently in July she met up with another man. I found this by once going in one of her emails. I found this out in like September. I confronted her about it and we got in a fight over it. She said "I was pissed so decided I'd do it"
So that's affair number 3.
She's also gotten a new girlfriend that we've both been with but I don't fully trust the new girlfriend either.
My wife feels she needs privacy and I shouldn't expect to know or have access to all her texts, emails, and facebook to make sure she isn't cheating or lying to me.
She says she feels like she is being controlled, spied on, has no privacy, etc and that isn't right. We should have trust. She's gone as far as to install new programs that I don't know about on her phone in order to chat with her girlfriend (maybe others I'm not sure) that doesn't log and doesn't want me to see.
Now tonight she planned and went out with her girlfriend without even talking to me or asking if I thought it was ok. I'm thinking of this as affair number 4. Since just a week or so ago her and I agreed that cheating (or an affair) is any sexual act or being naked with anyone without each other's knowledge and permission. She doesn't believe this counts since this is her girlfriend she is with and not someone else.
Guess I just don't know how to stop the fighting and get her to stop lying and hiding things from me. I know our marriage is not the typical but I need some advice. I want to get pass all this and make it better for both of us.
I really need some guidance.