metandwessy
New member
Hello all,
I tried to look through old threads as I thought this would be a relatively common issue but I didn't find any recent ones.
My partner and I are at an impasse about his FWB interest Steph. We met her together as a couple about 6 months ago with her boyfriend and we had a nice swap experience with them. It was fun but at that time, my partner and I processed and I shared some of my concerns about her mental state. We decided that it might be interesting to play again but with caution as she seemed to have a bit of chaos in her life.
Shortly after that, she started texting my partner daily and they started talking about sexual things that seemed like they were leaning towards trying to get their own thing going. I felt my partner was being a little guarded and even secretive about their conversations. when I brought it up it turned into a fight and he told her that they needed to stop talking because I was insecure about their conversations. I was upset that he kind of "threw me under the bus" like that and we actually worked through it and realized that we want to move forward with people when we are on the same page or supportive of each other not when we are in opposition to each other.
After a few months, a few things happened: she and her boyfriend got pregnant (what would be her 4th child by 4th father) but lost the baby. Over the next few months, they broke up but got back together a few times. When they were broken up she would often message my partner about hanging out. At one point, I even encouraged it but he laughed and said "oh no she's way to crazy to meet up with on my own".
Then my partner had a long conversation with her about her tumultuous relationship, how she was in therapy and trying to take care of her long history of mental health issues. She said that her therapist advised her not to be with her boyfriend anymore as he was not healthy and even abusive but she did not take this advice. She also said that she wanted to meet up to play with both my partner and I again. We suggested she talk to her therapist about it before but that we were open to meeting up with her to sort of see what our read on her was since it had been months since we saw her.
Then I went out of town and she messaged my partner saying that her boyfriend was in jail due to a probation violation and she found out he cheated on her recently. Naturally, this made my partner want to meet up with her so he set up a private date with her and asked me how I felt about it. I told him i was uncomfortable but that if he felt strongly about doing it then he should do whatever he wants. Over the next couple days I shared my major concerns about her and then the day of I told him I really didn't like this. He said he was going to assess the situation and see how he felt about her and if he thought it was a good idea to have sex with her or not and that he would update me as the night progressed. I admit I was not being clear and was not immediately aware and therefore not able to clearly articulate how uncomfortable I was with this person.
After she was over at our house and I hadn't heard from him for a while, I asked how it was going and I got a text that things are great, he's really attracted to her and wants to have sex with her. I said something passive aggressive and didn't hear back, then I asked if he just started messing around with her before hearing back from me and he said no they just made out (which ended up being a lie) but now they were about to go have sex. I said "gross" which I admit is an immature way of handling my strong emotions that were coming up but then he proceeded to go fuck her. And now we have been fighting about it for the last couple weeks.
We already know where our communication broke down, where we will both make different decisions and take different actions next time but where we still disagree is on whether or not this girl is a good FWB situation moving forward. I feel that she is very unhealthy, has a lot of chaos in her life and it seriously turns me off that I'm even associated with a person like this even if it is "by proxy". My partner admits that yes this person has chaos but defends her by saying she's "working on herself" and saying that he only wants a FWB situation with her and nothing more. He thinks I should meet up with her and try to see that she is a person trying to improve her life. I have compassion for people like that and I don't wish her harm but I just think there are plenty of other people to have FWB situations that don't have all this drama going on. Any advice!?
I tried to look through old threads as I thought this would be a relatively common issue but I didn't find any recent ones.
My partner and I are at an impasse about his FWB interest Steph. We met her together as a couple about 6 months ago with her boyfriend and we had a nice swap experience with them. It was fun but at that time, my partner and I processed and I shared some of my concerns about her mental state. We decided that it might be interesting to play again but with caution as she seemed to have a bit of chaos in her life.
Shortly after that, she started texting my partner daily and they started talking about sexual things that seemed like they were leaning towards trying to get their own thing going. I felt my partner was being a little guarded and even secretive about their conversations. when I brought it up it turned into a fight and he told her that they needed to stop talking because I was insecure about their conversations. I was upset that he kind of "threw me under the bus" like that and we actually worked through it and realized that we want to move forward with people when we are on the same page or supportive of each other not when we are in opposition to each other.
After a few months, a few things happened: she and her boyfriend got pregnant (what would be her 4th child by 4th father) but lost the baby. Over the next few months, they broke up but got back together a few times. When they were broken up she would often message my partner about hanging out. At one point, I even encouraged it but he laughed and said "oh no she's way to crazy to meet up with on my own".
Then my partner had a long conversation with her about her tumultuous relationship, how she was in therapy and trying to take care of her long history of mental health issues. She said that her therapist advised her not to be with her boyfriend anymore as he was not healthy and even abusive but she did not take this advice. She also said that she wanted to meet up to play with both my partner and I again. We suggested she talk to her therapist about it before but that we were open to meeting up with her to sort of see what our read on her was since it had been months since we saw her.
Then I went out of town and she messaged my partner saying that her boyfriend was in jail due to a probation violation and she found out he cheated on her recently. Naturally, this made my partner want to meet up with her so he set up a private date with her and asked me how I felt about it. I told him i was uncomfortable but that if he felt strongly about doing it then he should do whatever he wants. Over the next couple days I shared my major concerns about her and then the day of I told him I really didn't like this. He said he was going to assess the situation and see how he felt about her and if he thought it was a good idea to have sex with her or not and that he would update me as the night progressed. I admit I was not being clear and was not immediately aware and therefore not able to clearly articulate how uncomfortable I was with this person.
After she was over at our house and I hadn't heard from him for a while, I asked how it was going and I got a text that things are great, he's really attracted to her and wants to have sex with her. I said something passive aggressive and didn't hear back, then I asked if he just started messing around with her before hearing back from me and he said no they just made out (which ended up being a lie) but now they were about to go have sex. I said "gross" which I admit is an immature way of handling my strong emotions that were coming up but then he proceeded to go fuck her. And now we have been fighting about it for the last couple weeks.
We already know where our communication broke down, where we will both make different decisions and take different actions next time but where we still disagree is on whether or not this girl is a good FWB situation moving forward. I feel that she is very unhealthy, has a lot of chaos in her life and it seriously turns me off that I'm even associated with a person like this even if it is "by proxy". My partner admits that yes this person has chaos but defends her by saying she's "working on herself" and saying that he only wants a FWB situation with her and nothing more. He thinks I should meet up with her and try to see that she is a person trying to improve her life. I have compassion for people like that and I don't wish her harm but I just think there are plenty of other people to have FWB situations that don't have all this drama going on. Any advice!?