Wow, some rude posts and lots of judgement...just wow

I dunno, there are times I actually value when other posters in a forum put me in check. Like, if I am hurting feelings with something I am trying to express, well, I want to know that. Maybe it was a miscommunication, in the sense that I only speak for myself and how I see the world in my bubble and not how I expect others to see or be. But maybe, just maybe, I am not understanding something very well at all and I need others to push back until I do. Because I want to. I want to be kind and respectful of other people, I want to understand, and I don't want to blunder around being an ass. So I want to know, if I do.

And likewise, if I am saying "I'm doing this thing with my life, ya'll, what do you think?" and you've seen it a million times and seen how it tends to play out...I would like to know. If you have advice on what pitfalls to avoid or how to play it safer, I want to hear it, even if it's tough love. And if I don't agree with advice given, the very act of arguing why I am NOT going to follow it helps me to check my own motives and reasoning.

There are lines that can be crossed, sure, but I just don't really see a lot of that here in this forum.

In my last forum, I was told that because I was going out and seeking love when I had a husband at home and kids at home, I was a bad wife and mother, I was obviously "exposing" my kids to things they shouldn't be "exposed" to and my husband had every right to be abusive to me because I was provoking him, or maybe because I needed to be put in check for my wild behavior.

EDIT: Important, I was not cheating. My ex and I had broken up at this point, and he was also trying to date (just not doing well at it.) I still lived there for about a year after we broke up because I was helping him get his finances in order before I left.

I was told again and again to stop trying to have relationships and instead work on myself, maybe be all alone a while and eventually when I wasn't a fucked up wreck I'd be deserving of looking for love.... The fact was, in the situation I was in, my poly group was my support group. They gave me the strength to keep my chin up and keep going forward in getting out. If it weren't for them, you know what would have happened? I wouldn't have killed myself, I'm not suicidal. I would have eventually bowed my head, told my ex I was mental and it was all my fault and I was sorry, accepted whatever terms he wanted to lord over me, and gone on being a prisoner in my house and my marriage for some years to come, and frankly I think it's very possible he might eventually have killed me. He still might, but I'm a little safer now just for not being under the same roof.

I NEEDED THEM. And being told that I was a selfish whore for having them, was the last straw. I didn't need that shit.

That was the forum I posted on for YEARS, until early 2016 and I had ENOUGH.

So I know what a hostile forum environment looks like, and this my friends, ain't it.
 
I know a few times I have had an "ow, shit, that burnt" response to some advice I've gotten on here. When that happens, I try to take a step back, wait a day or two, and read it again. Often, upon the second reading, I can acknowledge the "ouch" but also see the point of the post- and the point is often helpful!

In my experience, the "ouch" part is usually something that I am not ready to face yet.
 
We should keep a running countdown: X days since the latest unicorn-hunting couple (with a joint account, of course) left in a huff!
 
Actually, I looked through their posts and I don't think they were unicorn hunters...I have no idea what posts put them off the forum. Oh well.
 
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