Redpepper's journey

There has been a shift in the universe. I think it's the embracing of change that is doing it.

*peeking around the corner*

It's kinda weird. I think that it's just that I have waited for so long for change to occur that I am overjoyed it is coming, regardless of what it brings.

Everyone is content and happy with the routine right now, planning slowly for things to come, being patient with each other and cautiously getting excited.
 
There has been a shift in the universe.

I think it's the embracing of change that is doing it...

*peaking around the corner*

It's kinda weird.

I think that it's just that I have waited for so long for change to occur that I am over joyed it is coming. Regardless of what it brings.

Everyone is content and happy with the routine right now, planning slowly for things to come, being patient with each other and cautiously getting excited.

nice to hear :) and beautiful mental image (peeking) bon chance :)
 
I keep wanting to write a thread or something about the debate I went to, and have nothing to say, really! It was on whether or not monogamy is natural. It wasn't all that exciting, if you can believe it.

Guess what, the monogamist won! Not a big shocker, really. Although it was kind of agreed that cheating is morally wrong, that there is a continuum between NM and M, and that the "sex at dawn" book proves that, but isn't all there on some stuff. Oh yeah, and there are a lot of primates out there that do all kinds of kinky sex stuff that we also do. All to make babies. :rolleyes:
 
I keep wanting to write a thread or something about the debate I went to and have nothing to say really! It was on whether or not monogamy is natural. It wasn't all that exciting if you can believe it.

Guess what, the monogamist won! Not a big shocker really. Although it was kind of agreed that cheating is morally wrong, that there is a continuum between NM and M, and that the "sex at dawn" proves that, but isn't all there on some stuff. Oh ya and there are a lot of primates out there that do all kinds of kinky sex stuff that we also do. All to make babies. :rolleyes:


I'll try to get back to this once this stuffy nose/foggy head thing goes away. I have some definite thoughts but can't seem to get them to gel into some communicable form right now :(
 
I keep wanting to write a thread or something about the debate I went to and have nothing to say really! It was on whether or not monogamy is natural. It wasn't all that exciting if you can believe it.

Guess what, the monogamist won! Not a big shocker really. Although it was kind of agreed that cheating is morally wrong, that there is a continum between NM and M, and that the "sex at dawn" proves that, but isn't all there on some stuff. Oh ya and there are a lot of primates out there that do all kinds of kinky sex stuff that we also do. All to make babies. :rolleyes:

Were there minutes taken? I would be curious to see the debate log, could be a fun read. :)
 
There has been a shift in the universe.

I think it's the embracing of change that is doing it...

*peaking around the corner*

It's kinda weird.

I think that it's just that I have waited for so long for change to occur that I am over joyed it is coming. Regardless of what it brings.

Everyone is content and happy with the routine right now, planning slowly for things to come, being patient with each other and cautiously getting excited.

This is so good to hear!

Anotherbo :D
 
Sigh... I think I need to back out of this depression thing with PN, and more than I did before. It worries me that Mono is moving into this house and will have to deal with PN's depression more.

Last night, we had a really great party with a bunch of friends. Derby and I cooked for them a complete British teatime meal and had such a good time doing it. PN hid and was moody and quiet all night, pretty much. I went into the kitchen to see how he was and he was on the verge of tears. Over what he didn't know, or wouldn't tell me.

Today, the same. I told him tonight that this has been going on for awhile, and that if it's a perfectly nice day, he had a perfectly lovely walk up a mountain at a park, and has a been a perfectly good weekend, then why does this feeling last? "PERHAPS YOU ARE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED< HELLLLOOO!!!???" I get so fucking frustrated. I can't do much more. I really don't know what else to do!

Of course, I put all of this on myself, and do the what if thing-- what if I had no other loves, what if Mono weren't moving in, what if I spent every moment with him, what if there is something going on that I don't know about?

It's really not up to me. I just need to leave him alone when he is like this, cause he takes me right down with him. I have had my own struggles with depression and have done everything in my power not to go on meds. I have been to therapy, work on my shit constantly, make myself herbal remedies, get out and exercise, keep busy, make sure I have things to look forward to, create downtime, seek out nature and moments of complete joy with it, organize events, try new things, and more, to stay mentally healthy. I can't make him do these things. I just have to adjust and move forward, dragging him along, it feels like.

It's a bit of a Catch 22, I think. He gets like he has been this weekend, and I avoid him because it drives me insane that he seemingly does nothing, and so i don't get down also. then he gets sad that I am not around. I hang out with Mono and Derby who, by their very natures, are more cheery and fun to be around.

He gets sad because I seemingly don't want to spend time with him. I feel bad, miss him, spend time with him and he thinks it's out of pity and that we really have no connection at all, because we are doomed. So I get pissed off and don't want to hang out with him because I am not a doom and gloom person. I am positive and convinced things will be awesome and work out about just about everything. He is by nature what he calls a realist, and I call negative. ;):p

Anyway, this is what goes on, as i see it. I haven't checked in to see if that is what is going on this time. It has gone like this in the past, though.

Sigh, I love the silly old man. (He's 8 years younger than me, but acts 8 years older.) I'm going to get brain damage from banging my head against the wall because of him. But I do love him. :eek:

On another note, I tease Mono that he is my little boy. I have an old man and a little boy...

And a Mrs. G, the sexy British lady, :D ;) She's taken to calling me Mrs. B. (Well, once. I like to think that is "taken to" but perhaps not.) I LOVE that. It feels so dirty somehow, and kinda granny-pantiesesque. (Sorry, for those of you who don't know, I have a granny panty fetish. Large white control-top cotton panties on women... *meeeeelt* I know. I'm a freak, but you love me.) :D
 
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RP...it's tough to NOT feel that it is you when someone you love is going through a tough time, BUT you have to BELIEVE that and give them space. It is important that PN communicate to you that it is NOT you and that it is HIM. It is VERY hard to hug someone who is so distant, and most likely, he doesn't want that anyhow (I know that you do!! :) ).

Tough time....find some space.....
Good luck
P2
 
This is a good example of how integrated our lives can become. It's hard to fully enjoy my relationship with Redpepper when I know her husband is not doing well. Regardless of the reason for his sadness/depression it's hard for me not to take some of that on. It does motivate me to do my best to not let my moving in cause too many ripples. I'm already worried about him feeling that Redpepper will be downstairs too much simply because that is the physical location of the room. I am also going to be very conscious of not spending too much time upstairs so he knows his space is respected. I am a huge personal safe space advocate. He will have to be reminded through action that that is his primary family' space.
 
It's so hard to do anything for someone who is depressed. The worst part of depression is feeling completely detached and numb to everything around you. PN was likely on the verge of tears on Saturday because he knew that he was "supposed" to be having fun, but couldn't feel it. I really hope that he goes and talks to someone. It can take some time to get to the root cause of what set the depression off, and the longer it gets left, the more little things build on that root cause and take longer to work through.

When I get back from being away I think I'm going to see if I can get him out for a coffee and talk to him about what it's like to be depressed. Maybe he isn't, but I do know what it's like, since I've been there. I also know that it is fixable, and if I start feeling that way again I'm going to be right on it before it gets to the point where every little thing is just too much.

You are a good wife, RP. You need to take care of yourself, as well. If you are able to keep yourself strong and healthy (mind-wise as well as body-wise) you'll be more help to him in the long run. He's the only one that can fix what's going on for him. It will happen in time. It just takes time to realize that there is something that needs fixing.

-Derby
 
I found out tonight that our tenant is moving next door! What the fuck...??

Now she will be around all the time and be wondering what is going on with us. The woman that owns that house has stopped talking to us and is wondering already what we are up to. Who is that man that parks his truck and bike outside there at odd hours??

PN is freaking and I am trying not to. I think when I go through the suite I will tell her after keys are passed back and damage deposit given, that I intend to live down there with Mono and that we will be opening the house up.

What the hell, say it like it is... kind of. They don't need to know that it is Mono's place and that I will simply have a room. For the sake of not being accused of booting them out for Mono to move in, I think that might be best. We could be taken to court if they think it's his place, as by law we aren't supposed to do that.

Friday is their last day and then the place will be mine, all mine for one month! Wahahahahaaaaaa! :cool:

I can't wait. I have a burlesque show coming up and I need the practice room and space to sew. I will be able to spread out like crazy for a bit until November 1st... or earlier.

On another note, Mono had people come through his place this weekend and he is hoping that the place he lives in is rented so he doesn't have to pay double rent.
 
Let em think whatever they want to think! The people who matter in your life already know what's going on. You have more than enough reason for not wanting tenants anymore. It's not just about having Mono move in. Plus, since it is 2 suites, you are following the law. It will be Mono's place and he's just going to have you there as a visitor (which is totally allowed). Let the neighbours talk. It just means they have dull and uninteresting lives. If they had stuff going on for themselves they wouldn't care about your personal life. :mad:
 
You have more than enough reason for not wanting teanants anymore, it's not just about having Mono move in. Plus since it is 2 suites you are following the law, it will be Mono's place and he's just going to have you there as a visitor (which is totally allowed).

It's totally legal to rent a suite. What wasn't legal was giving them their notice to move out if we are getting another tenant in. We could only do that by saying that family was going to move in. Mono is family, but not family, right? Besides, he is paying us for the space. Tricky.
 
The big difference is that you, as the homeowner are using the space, even if it is just a portion of it dedicated your your use only. There is no rule that a homeowner has to use everyroom in their house every day.
 
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