My (Bi)Sexuality
I have brought up in two (unrelated) posts today that I am extremely selective about my interactions with penises (penes?) and am now thinking about what that means in terms of my sexuality. I identify as bisexual (not pan - another struggle to be discussed another day) but have only had romantic relationships with men (2 specifically - MrS and Dude). I have had a roughly equal number of male and female sexual partners (a dozen or so of each - all cis-gendered). I have occasionally wondered if I am bisexual but hetero-romantic, but I think that I am just really slow at acknowledging romantic/emotional connections.
Anyway, back to the penis thing...
I'm a fan of PIV, under the right circumstances - which have little to do with my emotional attachment and more to do with my general level of horny (and, to be honest, intoxication - I love drunk sex!). The visual appearance of a penis is not sexual stimulating to me - veiny looking and kind of stuck on as an afterthought (women's genitals are much more fascinating and neatly packaged), even fully erect they bounce around weirdly. I do like the feel of them through clothing though - in my hand or pressing against me, trying to get out. I'm not really interested in any penis-substitutes in my vagina though - I'm indifferent to dildoes (unless my female partner is turned-on by using them) and use vibrators for clitoral stimulation only. Even with desired PIV, I have a limited time tolerance, after the initial stimulation then I might as well be having a gyne exam - not painful but not interesting.
PIA is off the table. Nope, not doing it. Penetration by a penis is already not a given and I am not much into anal anything. Also, there is shit back there...gross. A finger or small stimulator I will tolerate for a bit but nothing larger. I don't enjoy stimulating others anally either but can do it with enough hygiene measures if requested - it does nothing for me but the enjoyment that I am giving them.
Similarly with oral - performing fellatio is not something that turns me on in any way. I'm willing to return the favor for a partner's enjoyment or to help with an erection but it makes my jaw hurt and it's boring for me. Ejaculation is not the issue - I'd rather a guy come in my mouth than on my face. Cunnilungus on the other hand...yes, please! Giving or receiving, this is definitely my favorite. Best. Thing. Ever.
Manual stimulation - with men, I'd put this in the same category as fellatio. It's a favor. I get nothing out of it but your enjoyment and my hand gets tired. With women, it pairs nicely with oral and I can imagine what it feels like if it were being done to me. Yet, I find that this is something that I personally only enjoy for a limited period of time (unless paired with cunnilingus).
I've voiced these preferences at times in other threads - with varying responses, usually from men who wouldn't want to have sex with me if I am performing certain acts without actually enjoying them. OK, fair enough.
Honestly, my ideal sexual scenarios - me and a female enjoying each other in many ways including manually and orally and then getting "finished off" by a PIV male partner that is so turned on that he fucks me hard and comes quickly. Alternately, a male partner who is super into stimulating me orally for his own enjoyment (I am a "squirter" - which some men enjoy) and then PIV (which is what MrClean has learned to do). I can also finish myself off clitorally with a Magic Wand while a partner watches.
A few caveats. For me sex =/= love. These are separate but not mutually exclusive concepts for me. Sex is a biological urge that can be satisfied by friends, lovers, partners, or strangers. (This is not true for my grey-ace, demisexual husband.) Love is a complex emotional state that I do not understand despite being married for 27 years and living with my other romantic partner for 9 of those. (My husband, for the record, is satisfied enough with my expression of "love" even if I don't understand it myself - he knows how to ask for anything that he needs, and his "asks" are always specific and practical.)
With regards to BLOG comments:
Generally I am open to any and all comments, however, this is a topic with which I am struggling right now. If you have something contructive to say that might help me understand myself and my sexuality better, or a resource that I might find helpful, feel free to post. If you only want to say that I am a selfish lover and you would never want to be in a sexual or romantic relationship with me then please refrain from posting - I know that I am not every person's cup of tea.