newandexcited
New member
Hello all!
I could use a little insight.
I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by friends who are poly, open relationships and everything in between.
So this lifestyle is not a new concept to me and my husband, but this is the first time we have decided to move forward.
We met another couple and we have all been really good friends and getting closer over the past couple years. They also have never tried any kind of open relationship, but are familiar with the concept.
I read all the books and forums and felt like I was prepared.
OMG This is so much harder than I expected.
We have all agreed to move slow.
We want to be able to deal with any issues that arise, talk everything out.
We have spent so much time talking to each other about how we're feeling, different scenarios, boundaries, expectations... you name it!
All before we decided to put anything sexual in the mix.
We all feel like we have grown closer and were prepared.
We live a few hours away from each other and got together for a weekend.
It ended up being an emotional roller coaster. It was a ton of fun, but I was so burned out emotionally after all that.
I'll spare you all the details since this is already incredibly long.
But I'm feeling like one of the biggest issues here is that the other couple is very worried about what the other one is doing at all times and how they are feeling.
My husband and I decided that we trust the other one completely to do whatever they want sexually and emotionally this weekend. We trust the other one to be honest and communicate if we have anything we need to talk about or if there is anything wrong.
Basically we told the other one "have fun this weekend, let me know if you need anything".
The other couple is way more cautious.
The other girl is super nervous about her husband being sexual with another woman. We allayed her fears. Neither of us are ready to jump in and have sex yet so that fact that she doesnt want us to yet is fine. We want to go slow.
But she feels horrible because she feels like we are limiting our relationship to make her feel better.
On my end, thats not true.
I'm not having sex yet because I don't want to.
Her and my husband did decide to have sex this weekend. Which is fine with me. I'm glad they had fun. Her husband is fine with it.
Him and I are both fine with the fact that we didn't have sex yet.
However the other girl feels horrible that its her fault.
Then there is the fact that the rest of the weekend was a little awkward because I didn't know how to talk to the other husband after all the intimacy we shared the first time.
We all had fun and hung out as a group the whole weekend afterwards, but him and I barely talked. When we did, he was worrying about if his wife was doing OK.
The other wife told me afterwards that he was just super worried about making her jealous and to just give him time. She does struggle with jealousy a lot and this weekend was rough for her with that.
She urged me to text him and talk to him more often and work on building our friendship / relationship for the next few weeks until we can all get together again.
I also talked things out with him and told him how I was feeling about it all.
Then he texts me a confusing message about how he wants us to be able to talk and have a good relationship going, but he also wants to make sure I have a good relationship with his wife. In the future, I should go to her first if I need to talk to someone before coming to him. Just to make sure she is included.
On one hand, I understand why he is feeling the way he is. He doesnt want this all to end and wants to make sure his wife is 100% comfortable with everything going on every step of the way.
On the other, I am getting sick of both of them telling me who I should be talking to, what sexual boundaries are OK with their significant other, etc. I feel like its so much back and forth.
I am almost tempted to call off the whole thing since I am not sure they are ready for this.
I feel like they need to stop worrying so much.
I could use a little insight.
I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by friends who are poly, open relationships and everything in between.
So this lifestyle is not a new concept to me and my husband, but this is the first time we have decided to move forward.
We met another couple and we have all been really good friends and getting closer over the past couple years. They also have never tried any kind of open relationship, but are familiar with the concept.
I read all the books and forums and felt like I was prepared.
OMG This is so much harder than I expected.
We have all agreed to move slow.
We want to be able to deal with any issues that arise, talk everything out.
We have spent so much time talking to each other about how we're feeling, different scenarios, boundaries, expectations... you name it!
All before we decided to put anything sexual in the mix.
We all feel like we have grown closer and were prepared.
We live a few hours away from each other and got together for a weekend.
It ended up being an emotional roller coaster. It was a ton of fun, but I was so burned out emotionally after all that.
I'll spare you all the details since this is already incredibly long.
But I'm feeling like one of the biggest issues here is that the other couple is very worried about what the other one is doing at all times and how they are feeling.
My husband and I decided that we trust the other one completely to do whatever they want sexually and emotionally this weekend. We trust the other one to be honest and communicate if we have anything we need to talk about or if there is anything wrong.
Basically we told the other one "have fun this weekend, let me know if you need anything".
The other couple is way more cautious.
The other girl is super nervous about her husband being sexual with another woman. We allayed her fears. Neither of us are ready to jump in and have sex yet so that fact that she doesnt want us to yet is fine. We want to go slow.
But she feels horrible because she feels like we are limiting our relationship to make her feel better.
On my end, thats not true.
I'm not having sex yet because I don't want to.
Her and my husband did decide to have sex this weekend. Which is fine with me. I'm glad they had fun. Her husband is fine with it.
Him and I are both fine with the fact that we didn't have sex yet.
However the other girl feels horrible that its her fault.
Then there is the fact that the rest of the weekend was a little awkward because I didn't know how to talk to the other husband after all the intimacy we shared the first time.
We all had fun and hung out as a group the whole weekend afterwards, but him and I barely talked. When we did, he was worrying about if his wife was doing OK.
The other wife told me afterwards that he was just super worried about making her jealous and to just give him time. She does struggle with jealousy a lot and this weekend was rough for her with that.
She urged me to text him and talk to him more often and work on building our friendship / relationship for the next few weeks until we can all get together again.
I also talked things out with him and told him how I was feeling about it all.
Then he texts me a confusing message about how he wants us to be able to talk and have a good relationship going, but he also wants to make sure I have a good relationship with his wife. In the future, I should go to her first if I need to talk to someone before coming to him. Just to make sure she is included.
On one hand, I understand why he is feeling the way he is. He doesnt want this all to end and wants to make sure his wife is 100% comfortable with everything going on every step of the way.
On the other, I am getting sick of both of them telling me who I should be talking to, what sexual boundaries are OK with their significant other, etc. I feel like its so much back and forth.
I am almost tempted to call off the whole thing since I am not sure they are ready for this.
I feel like they need to stop worrying so much.