Feel Alone in Emotionally Romantic Poly

paramour

New member
Hello,

I have recently been trying to find groups and other people I may know who are poly to hopefully get support from, but so far it seems that groups in my area or people I know are mostly into mainly sexual polyamory as opposed to emotional romantic poly relationships.

I am more of a romantic emotionally poly type and it's hard because I've even had people I've tried reaching out to assume I want to have sex with them. I'm just looking for advice and support!

Does anyone know if the poly community is mainly physical or mainly romantic? Has anyone had this issue with finding others who are romantically poly? Why is it so difficult to find others to understand this? It's not just about the physicality for me but the emotion and romance.
 
It sounds like you are finding those who are polysexual versus polyamorous. It's easy for the lines to get blurred because most people who are polyamorous are polysexual (unless they are asexual), but a lot of people are monoamorous and polysexual and are not looking for a deep connection. So yes, there are people who are truly polyamorous and desire a deep emotional connection with more than one person. I suspect given that the whole "one true love" idea is the default societal view it is easier to run into those who are monoamorous and polysexual.

As to how to locate and differentiate the polyamorous from the polysexual, I will leave someone else to speak to that.
 
What is sexual poly? Isn't the point of separating poly from other types of non monogamy that poly is emotional/romantic?
 
Yes Candiedlove, I think that's exactly the point.

But, semantics are a side issue here. The main thing is that paramour is feeling alone because she's finding it hard to find any (true) romantic polys.

@ paramour ... as far as I know, most polys would say that poly is mainly romantic. The physical part is actually optional. But knowing that doesn't help you to find the romantic polys you are looking for.

Can I ask, what sort of resources have you tapped into to find polys in your area? If there's some more resources you could try, I might be able to point those out to you.

I'm sorry you are having this difficulty right now, it must feel very lonely. It's possible that you'll just have to be patient and "kiss a lot of frogs" before you find your poly "prince." If you're frustrated looking for romantic poly, someone you'll meet in the future may be out there somewhere, feeling just as frustrated too and for the same reason.

I hope Polyamory.com can help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Thank you everyone for your replies! They all give me hope ^.^

I'm glad to know that my idea of polyamory is actually what you think as well, or is even the "official" way to think of it. After all, "Amor" means love.

I guess my real problem isn't necessarily finding a partner so much as finding others to discuss relationship things with someone personally who would understand. Like I said, I've looked at a meetup.com group which had many meets that involved mainly physical things. I've tried looking on Facebook as well, and I've tried contacting people who I am acquainted with via FB who say they're polyamorous but are really just into physical poly relationships :b
 
Alright. I will venture a few further suggestions that may bring you better luck.

What you're looking for is a poly group that doesn't necessarily host "play parties," but rather, more like potlucks with a discussion hour afterwards. A group that's not getting together to play, but rather to have formal relations and discuss the ins and outs of poly.

You may have to do some traveling in order to find that kind of a group. I don't know what major city you are local to. There are additional ways to find poly groups but I am trying (for the moment) to limit my list to those resources that will tend to direct you towards the groups that want to think it through.

Honestly, Polyamory.com is the one true poly group you know you can depend on for the moment. We aren't here to have a big orgy. We're here to discuss serious poly relationship matters. That's what we do. I know it's not flesh-and-blood contact, but you can make friends here, and you will certainly find people who understand and are willing and ready to talk with you about it.

Now if you find a live group that will serve that purpose for you, that's even better, that's like a bonus. If you get there, though, I hope you'll still be an active member here on this forum. Your input is needed here.

Let me know if I can be of further help. I'll give it a try.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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