I decided not to go. I would just be miserable and angry.
My friend had already offered to celebrate her birthday with me another time. So that's what we are doing.
And I'm seeing who's around to hang out with the day of the party.
I know that I have great friends. But it's been really reinforced for me - my 'IRL' friends and my online friends here have stepped up for me.
I am grateful.
I realized that my life is a mess, that I don't know why I'm here, what I should do with my life and I have no idea how to figure this out. Work is not fun, I have no romantic relationships right now, and relying on them for meaning is a fool's game anyway, I've learned. My friends are great but having friends is not a life purpose. I don't know why I am here.
So for starters, I'm shutting down my dating accounts. I'm in no shape to date right now anyway.
Ugh.
Yeah, I may focus on getting rid of some possessions I don't need or use. Something to do that's positive anyway. And I'm getting appointments with my therapist.
"Yeah, I may focus on getting rid of some possessions I don't need or use. Something to do that's positive anyway. And I'm getting appointments with my therapist."