Thanks for all this. I appreciate it. Our friend is at Derby's house as of yesterday and I saw her today. I told her that she is loved and that we are their for her.
It's time to find a reason to live now. I agree, some goals need setting. I am willing to be a pillar for her to lean on while she does that. I will tell her that. I can't do it for her, but can do my best to remind her of the track to a healthy life.
I needed goals when I tried to end my life. Once I decided what they were, there was no stopping me. I changed everything, location, friends, school. It saved me to completely turn myself around and look at the options. I think that might help our friend. I suggested she find other friends today, as the ones she has seem to remind her of her loneliness. They are all in relationships and talk shop constantly.
I also asked her to think of what we might be feeling. She kept apologizing to me. I asked her if she were in my position what I would be feeling. She agreed that she also would want to help, would want to give as much love as she could, would want to know what to do and how to support.
It's been a long day, and I can't sleep because of it. Mono has passed out beside me. I spent some time with the rest of the family today, but mostly Mono followed me around and I him. We talked at one point today about our sadness. I asked him for support. He is not able to support people sometimes, but will always support me.
I am able to support others and need support also. It trickles down, doesn't it? We all support one another.
When someone falls out of the that support system, it's then that trouble begins for them, I think. He is my rock, as is PN. PN quietly found out some information when I told him angrily I have no answers to his questions about how to help. I told him to go and find out for himself what can be done, and he did. He has been calm and supportive also, in his own way.
I am so grateful that Derby's husband is home for her right now. Derby is an incredible woman with a HUGE heart and is fearless when it comes to someone in need. I admire her so much. Her strength is lessened when her hubby is away, as she needs him to support her, and be strong so that she can be the amazing caregiver she is. I am not able to do that for her like he does. I suck at it, actually.
I can stand by her and help, but I am not good at being supportive to her. I don't know how to be, I don't think. I fumble somehow. I am trying, but my emotions get in the way.
Tomorrow's New Years Eve. Big party at Derby and husband's place. Lots of friends there, and lots of support for our friend. Also the women's group is meeting early this month in order to be extra supportive. I hope my friend is willing to allow others to help. I gave her homework before I left. I will be asking her what her plans are and how she is going to move forward from this.
I was really firm with her today and gave her lots of hugs and love. I am not usually good at that, but I have lost one trans friend already, in the same way. I am not going to sit around and be scared of this.
I visited another friend while away, who almost died the same way. I went there just before I left. She is well enough now and made the change to leave her senior's home and move to the country with her daughter. She is content and happy to die there with family around her. She's 87, so who knows how long that will be? But at least she will be happy when she goes.