Unbearable lonliness

I cannot picture my life without him in it some people call me co-dependant but I'm not I simply love him to distraction at some times and then he opens his mouth and the asshole crawls out.;)
 
I hope you feel better for the vent.

I am not clear on what help you are asking for or what your desired outcome is.

some people call me co-dependant but I'm not

Are these people close to you that you trust? Are they seeing something you do not want to see?

Because to me you sound like you a riding a merry-go-round where you aren't especially happy, but you haven't quite hit your fed up place. But you are living on the camel hump. And each spin around takes a slice off your love for him, shaving it down bit by bit. You don't sound like you LOVE fighting all the time or being policed. You state you suffer from unbearable loneliness partnered with this person.

Sounds like he's a HUGE drain. :(

Like you love him, but not the poor behavior and you wish it would stop.

Galagirl
 
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I hear you saying good things about him in your second post; yet, every other post says things about him that alarm me. Are you sure this man is a good match for you?

I agree there seems to be a lot of concerns here. And I am also wondering what you would like for your outcome.
Do you see a way to fix the problem's you see in your current relationship?
Once it's in a better place you can re approach the poly question.
Constantly pushing the point with the way he seems now may re affirm to him you want to sex everyone you see.
 
I try every day to assure him that he is my life partner and that there is no one I would rather spend my entire life with and that noone can ever take his place and my feelings for other people do not replace my feelings for him, they are different feelings and dont signify anything is wrong with him but he thinks my love has a limit and he gets jealous of anyone who asks for it
 
I can't continue to live my life acting out the role everyone expects

What are you willing to do to get this part of your life back on track?

You mention he is your provider. Could you need to seek employment so you are no longer his dependent? Would seeing coworkers each week help with the isolation?

Galagirl
 
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Just checking, when you say he gets jealous of anyone seeking love from you does that include friends and family?

Leetah
 
So, how much time do you spend with him? since we're on the subject ...
 
Or reading books, right?

I mean there must be other things that you do. Aren't there?

What all do you do when you're with him? (if you don't mind sharing)
 
and i feel it everyday but today was better, calmer than its been in awhile, he was out and some hot chick tried to take him home and he came home happy
Normally its like living on an active volcano but nothing set him off today, I didnt have to be on my guard today we were just us like before
 
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I am so sorry you live on the edge of a volcano. :(

You are not his emotional punching bag to abuse. You have worth, value and dignity.

Again... what would you like to happen?

Galagirl
 
i would like to love on my terms if that makes sense. i just want to be me i want to flirt with the girl at shoppers or the guy in the movies on my terms without my spouse thinking i want to have sex with them or they are stealing my feelings for him away
 
Becibedore, did you look over the pages GalaGirl shared a link to?

Does he know you are online seeking advice?

Leetah
 
I hope you are doing Ok and that you get help from someone nearby to get your own time and your husband get his own time without all the uncomfortable hovering and mistrust. If he feels broken he needs to get expert help, not just more togetherness with you. He could get every scrap of your time and attention and it will never, ever, fix him.

Leetah
 
i would like to love on my terms if that makes sense. i just want to be me i want to flirt with the girl at shoppers or the guy in the movies on my terms without my spouse thinking i want to have sex with them or they are stealing my feelings for him away

These are the only two ways I can think of to have that:

  • You change the spouse. This man is no longer your spouse. You are single and there is no spouse to be thinking weird stuff or policing you any more. While not a choice you may love, it is a choice you have control over and can do.
  • Spouse changes the thinking. He has to get the professional help with his wonky thinking and he has to stop behaving toward you in this policing, controlling, suffocating manner. He is not willing to take personal responsibility over this at this time.

If he will not go to professional help of his own volition? You can either see if there's enough to apply for involuntary commitment (Baker Act or by whatever name in your area) or you can stop being with him.

Shrinking yourself forever is not an answer and you seem to know that already. He's draining you. You are responsible for your own well being. You have to care for you first, to make sure you are not burned out or stretched thin. Then you can gift help to others in meeting their reasonable, rational wants and needs.

Him wanting you to make him a person is not rational or reasonable.

Here is another list you might want to think over in case anything resonates.

http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Top100Traits.html

I'm not entirely sure what you have on your hands over there, but for sure you deserve to be treated WELL. Not treated poorly.

This situation with him policing you is not healthy sounding. I hope being able to vent some of your story here is helping you find some small relief as you figure out what your next steps might be.

Galagirl
 
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hi there i'm Kyle Beci's spouse

Evening everyone I'm Kyle. Beci's spouse and I'd like to have my say on this because she is not telling everyone the entire truth. First off she refuses to leave. I've asked her in the beginning to leave. Cause I really don;t want to be in a poly relationship or be in a relationship with someone who is. we went 6 years with it never being mentioned.

This is something people may not get we had a relationship for 6 years, with no indication of her being Poly or there being any rift between us. This pretty much started out of no where with no warning or for thought.

So yes its hard to understand and accept. So i asked her to leave. she is the one unhappy with me. she is the one feeling need to have other partners. then stop stringing me along and leave. I've dropped to my knees and begged her to leave to stop but she refuses to. No she rather i leave. loose her . my home and my kids all because I don't want to share me wife. I feel if she loves me as much as she says she dose. she would leave and go make her self happy. cause she is not happy with me.

Yes don'y let her fool you. she is unhappy with me. she feels not sexual desire or want from me. but stays anyways and seeks out others. I don't know why but i feel if she is that unhappy and wants to be with other men. she should be the one to leave and not me.

If i make her so unhappy sexually the door is open leave don;t comeback.
Also the lack of trust is because she never keeps her word. we make agreements with me and she never fellows them. her first partner she promised to wear condoms. we agreed with this but she refused to. lord knows she could have contracted a disease and killed me and out 2 beautiful little girls i get home from work to find out she is planning on leaving when I got to sleep to go fuck some guy. She dose this a lot, I work nights so I'm tired when I come home in the morning. she uses that time to go find guys while I sleep instead of being with me and working on us she would rather choose them over me. Like i'm the secondary relationship and their the primary. she has ignored me so she can be with another person. It hurts to think I work all night to come home to my family only to have the love of my life demand i go to sleep so she can go out and meet guys. and I find out when i wake up. Yeah that is really fair.

This has been what lead me to police her she dose not discuss or disclose anything with me. She used the poly term only to her advantage and dose not understand what it fully means or refuses to teat me correctly by it. I don't want to shadow or police her but if I don"t I wake up finding out things I don't want to. She never communicates anything with me. but hides and sneaks using my work and my sleep as a tool to hurt me.

All because of sexual issues. because i gained a lot of weight. i gave up on life and ate and ate and hid my pain away insted of talking about it I killed my self. I know its not great but I happened and I'm trying to fix it. but she claims she loves me and dose all these thing with me but she dose not. she is lying to you people. she pushes me away and spends her time with others. I understand I'm fat but i deserve love as well Mrs poly. you have no issue giving love and sex and happyness to others just not me.

your right its not her job to make me happy, but she should want to knowing the ammount of hurt she puts me through. i feel she should want to work on us make us a stronger unit so i can be more accepting, i can fight my jealousy and my worries kicking them aside, not allowing them to judge or control my fears or my self. But she refuses to put any work at all.

For that reason I act the way I do. I know its not right but its very hard to control. I want t i just don't feel our relationship is where its need to be. I don't feel safe or sacure in us. because she is never willing to work on us

These are simply a few things, so now you know both sides
 
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