Is it the start or an end? So excited I might barf.

Polyglamorous

New member
So I am super excited, nervous and scared. I've posted a little bit about the situation I am in before. I have a crush on my partners friend. He has said he isn't interested but my partner says that its just a weird situation and he thinks if that was different he would like me. So I have held out hope for two years. Sometimes it seems like he might like me and sometimes he ignores my text and stuff. He still does stuff with my partner and I a lot like go to the movies and stuff but the dynamic of it doesn't give me a clear cut idea if hes doing it to spend time with his friend (which is probably the reasoning and I am just being to hopeful) I have posted in a poly environment about the situation before and received a lot of negative replies about how no means no and about how I am creepy. I hope that doesn't happen here. Partly because my partner has stated that he would prefer this relationship to work, opposed to others and because I honestly do like him. So the perfect situation arrived!! I think the will be the best way to resolve what has been a two year rocky thing. They put a show on netflix about something he really likes and my boyfriend will be working tomorrow. I invited him to come watch the show with me. So if he says yes then I think there is hope, and if he ignores me or says no then I will have my answer. Sometimes he takes awhile to text back though. So blahhhhhh I am nervous and excited. I thought I would share. Either way I am honestly excited because even if it is a no, that means it really is time to put these feelings and ideas and hopes in a box and let them die. haha.
 
He has said he isn't interested but my partner says that its just a weird situation and he thinks if that was different he would like me.

How did you get this information? Was this a conversation that you had with him (the friend, not the partner) and he told you point blank that he didn't dig you sexually?
 
I told him about polyamory and fast forward awhile told him that I liked him (and his friend was ok with me liking him) and it sounded more like he wasn't down with dating someone who was with his friend. Every time I say this out loud or talk about it I feel stupid. He has said he considers it friends hanging out and that is whats best for everyone. Even if it is creepy or wrong or whatever I guess it will stop after this, so no one berate me to hard please.
 
He has said he considers it friends hanging out and that is whats best for everyone.

Sounds pretty clear. You might just be setting yourself up for a fall.

Even if it is creepy or wrong or whatever I guess it will stop after this, so no one berate me to hard please.

Infatuation makes us the creepiest version of ourselves.
 
Hi Polyglamorous,

I don't know whether to tell you to get your hopes up, but I hope this crush/partner's friend says yes to your proposition. Although even if he does, that's only saying yes to a Netflix show, so don't get too excited too easily.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Thank you for saying that about infatuation, it is so true. I don't know, he hasn't text back which is his M.O. I'll probably give it another hour. What I'm not looking forward to, is explaining to my partner that I will probably set my sights elsewhere. He isn't going to be happy. I think that he will then feel like he isn't enough because all along I've said I wanted it this certain way, and it's not going to happen.
 
Okay, update. He said yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im super excited. I know he said yes to a Netflix show, but to me it represents more because my intention are out there and my partner won't be there. So he isn't obligated to hang out with me because I'm with his friend. If he isn't entertaining the idea at all then it would have been a no because he could watch the show by himself. I'm so freaking excited.
 
If he isn't entertaining the idea at all then it would have been a no because he could watch the show by himself. I'm so freaking excited.

While I hope there will be wildly inappropriate groping and slobbering going on during your Netflix viewing, it is always possible that he accepted because he's trying to have a deeper personal connection with you (not fuck you).

So be hopeful, but also be realistic and make sure you are respecting his wishes. Have fun :)
 
Haha there will be no fucking or even touching. I don't want that yet. I haven't ever even hugged him. I'm kinda scared. Maybe I'll hug him when he leaves. I'm not a touchy person, and he says he's not either. So I guess we will see.
 
Welp. It was an end. He ended up falling asleep and not coming over. This was worse I think then him just saying no. I cleaned and turned down work and put on make up. I guess the main thing that sucks is my music. I have complied my happy playlist over the last few years on YouTube and like 80% of the songs kinda make me think of him. So I have been searching for music that makes me happy still.
 
Honestly, if he were that excited to see you, he probably wouldn't have just fallen asleep and not come over (though, sure, I guess he could have been excited but just exhausted... but that seems like a long shot).

It sounds to me like you're interest in him is just causing you to read WAY too much into his every little action. If he's known you for years, then he probably considers you not just his friend's g/f, but also his friend too. Friends hang out, and on top of that it was a show he was interested in.

If you really want to know if he still feels the same way and isn't interested in dating, I think you're better off just asking and saying "no pressure, but it's been a long time since I first stated that I was interested in you and I'd just like to know if your stance has remained unchanged about not being comfortable dating a friend's partner?" If the stance is unchanged, drop it. If not, then you know that you can pursue something.

But just hanging on to his every text as some sort of "sign" is just setting yourself up for a horrible emotional rollercoaster that it sounds like you're already on anyway. It would probably be way less stressful to get off that ride!
 
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