Hey tonkpaws…I know that's not the outcome you wanted deep down, but in the long run, I think this is the right decision. Your partner has been honest with you about what she has to offer, and I think it was great that you spoke up clearly about what you need too. I think you need to keep honestly looking inwards at what you need and want as you make this transition to either f-w-b or straight up friend. It seems to me like it would be very difficult, if not impossible, for a monogamous person to ever really be content in a poly relationship if they are not primary/co-primary. This is a total generalisation, but unless you've got a whole lot of non-sexual/relationship stuff happening in your life (intense career, close familial connections, serious hobby pursuits, etc.,), or have one of those fiercely independent personality types where you actively enjoy a lot of time on your own, you will often feel as you have done: frustrated that you don't get to see more of your partner, lonely at times, confused about how you see your future with that person developing.
Be careful that your love and affection for this woman doesn't blind you to, or cut you off from meeting others who are potentially more compatible for you relationship-wise. I know a lot of mono folk do enjoy f-w-b arrangements, but they are typically transitory affairs, whereas poly folk like your partner may have in mind something more long-lasting. Be sure not to give her false hope that this is what you want long-term, and be sure not to settle for a f-w-b that is just going to prolong your feelings for this woman. The mono-heart processes love one at a time. If hanging onto love for her cuts you off from having love with another, I'd say you are better off letting this transition to a friendship, as painful and unappealing as that might seem to you now. Think it over, and try to see the bigger picture. What are your goals, relationship-wise in life? What will make you happiest? If this (f-w-b) is compatible with that and not interfering with your long-term happiness, then embrace it. If it's not, then be honest and communicate with her about that. It sounds like she wants the best for you, and understands that sometimes it's better to let things go.
Be careful that your love and affection for this woman doesn't blind you to, or cut you off from meeting others who are potentially more compatible for you relationship-wise. I know a lot of mono folk do enjoy f-w-b arrangements, but they are typically transitory affairs, whereas poly folk like your partner may have in mind something more long-lasting. Be sure not to give her false hope that this is what you want long-term, and be sure not to settle for a f-w-b that is just going to prolong your feelings for this woman. The mono-heart processes love one at a time. If hanging onto love for her cuts you off from having love with another, I'd say you are better off letting this transition to a friendship, as painful and unappealing as that might seem to you now. Think it over, and try to see the bigger picture. What are your goals, relationship-wise in life? What will make you happiest? If this (f-w-b) is compatible with that and not interfering with your long-term happiness, then embrace it. If it's not, then be honest and communicate with her about that. It sounds like she wants the best for you, and understands that sometimes it's better to let things go.