A new poly life and other stuff :)

Raven

New member
So I've decided to start a blog here. I've kind of been wanting a place I could blog and be more open about things for a while now - not just about poly, but about life in general. Most of my family wouldn't exactly approve of a lot of things I think / believe, I don't have a lot of friends at the moment, facebook needs kept clean, and it seems pointless to write a blog that doesn't get posted, so... This seems like the best place to put my thoughts. :)

A bit of a note on names: in my first post, I started by referring to everybody as letters - A, B, C, and D - to keep everything totally anonymous. That was hard to read, so I changed them to names - Adam, Beth, Caleb, and Dakota. But I was in a hurry, and so I didn't put much thought into those names. The thing is, the name Dakota doesn't really "fit" me at all, and the name Adam doesn't "fit" my husband at all. So since I've been pretty well hooked on this forum, I've decided to change the names I use to Keira (instead of Dakota) for myself and Mal (instead of Adam) for my husband. Very sorry if that gets anyone confused, I just couldn't stand the thought of keeping the names for very long. :p

My journey into poly started this last September, and you can read about that here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3831 and here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4215 Suffice it to say, that didn't work out but it did show myself and Mal that we are poly. We both have needs that the other person can't meet, and we don't see any reason why we should be against a third person in our relationship (or someone for each of us). We prefer a triad, but I've read enough on the forums to know that holding out for a person who happens to fall in love with both of us is very unrealistic. If it happens, great, but I'm not going to pass up another possibility just because the person only has romantic interest in either Mal or myself.

I've been moving on and focusing on school, lately, but it's hard. I've always had an issue with procrastinating if I feel I can't succeed - i.e., if I think I'm going to bomb an exam, it turns into a huge struggle to sit down and study for it. My GPA before this semester was about a 3.85, so generally my fears were unfounded. Now I'm having a semester with 3 major classes where I'm almost certainly going to get all C's, and studying has turned in to "bash your head into the concrete wall and hope water comes out." It's mostly mental, I know, and if I can just get past that things will be a lot easier, but for whatever reason knowing I might fail (um - well - get less than an A) and then doing my best anyways is really really hard for me.

I've also decided that I want to join OK Cupid, if only just to chat with people and get my feet wet, so to speak. I'm a little torn about starting any relationships here and now. In about 2.5 years, we'll be moving on to who-knows-where for graduate school. And the sort of relationship I want is long term. So I'd hate to start something and get really invested in someone just to have to move on in a year or two. But at the same time, there's the chance it could work out - depending on the person's situation and how close (relationship-wise) we were to get, the person could move with us. There's also the (fairly good) chance I might go to grad school fairly close (about 2 hrs away), in which case a small move or even a minor LDR could work. And a really slim chance that I won't go to grad school at all. So I don't think it's worth closing off any chance of a relationship for the next couple of years, it's just scary to think about starting something that might have to be cut off for purely geographical reasons. :p I am going to wait till after finals are over to sign up, though, so I don't have an extra place to procrastinate at instead of study. :)

I'm also worrying about Mal, a bit... He has a hard time feeling and expressing his emotions, and it's bothering him a lot, especially with all of the stress we've been through lately. (There's the stuff that happened with Beth and Caleb, plus he's been through a bunch of other unrelated family and school issues this semester.) He's thinking of maybe considering seeing a therapist / psychologist, but he's also planning on going in to a career where any record of mental illness could bar him from every getting a job, so he's frightened of what could happen if he did open himself up to someone. He's not the sort to just open up anyways. :p Plus, there's the cost - we're college students living on scholarships and loans, and because of the career issues (and general incompetence of people who work at his school) he doesn't really want to go to one of the college counselors... I'm starting to think it might do him a lot of good, but even so I'm not sure I can convince Mal to go. It might end up having to wait till I go to grad school and we have more of an income. Just something on my mind.

Comments welcome :)

Keira Raven
 
For some reason, I'm feeling very much like I'm longing badly for something tonight - I'm just not sure what it is. More friends (feeling pretty lonely without a friend group), more time with Mal, more time to myself (we're both really busy right now), another partner, maybe it's just that I'm horny, I don't know. :p It just kind of sucks...
 
Until I read "horny" I was thinking about the human affliction of gravitating towards things that interest us and are interested in us, and the need for events that support and affirm us.

Now that you've tossed sex into the pile, I'm still thinking in that general direction. Except now that poor lonely couple staring up at the same moon is stark naked. Mwehehehehe.

You seem to be coping well with all the stress, even with challenges abound. I think my partner worries about me in a similar way that you do about Mal though. . . have you tried getting him to open up here? Or perhaps somewhere else online? The internet is surprisingly anonymous when you stop using your tax returns as your signature on forums because you want everyone to know that you came this close to getting a pool, except her bills were almost past due and I really wanted to keep our credit looking good so we could spring for that corolla LE next year.

Err, yeah. Even a close friend could help open his world up. I talk to my Dad when I feel confined and need advice (he's like a bottle of ripened Jewish wisdom).
 
lol Company, that was a funny mental picture :D

I ended up just talking with Mal for a couple hours last night (and then relieving some other tensions... :D) and all in all felt a lot better. I definitely agree that I'm craving other human interaction, too. I *know* a lot of people at school, but generally it's more of a business-like interaction. Working on the more friends bit. :p I missed the last couple meetings of the club I've joined here, and this week it won't meet because of Thanksgiving, but maybe next week? There's one girl there I might love to have as a friend, I should ask her if we can meet for coffee to talk about something... This board is great for brainstorming lol. :)

Mal's not very confident in his writing skills, so he's unlikely to get involved online. :rolleyes: I'm encouraging him to try to meet people, but it's something that doesn't come naturally for me and even less so for him. He's trying, but I think it's going to take time. Like almost everything worth waiting for, I guess. :)

I did end up signing up for OK Cupid last night... Had some fun putzing around, may get up the courage to message someone later tonight (a poly woman in our area looking for a unicorn as well - I'm not interested in being a unicorn for a couple, but I'm interested in becoming friends). Also made an agreement with Mal that I won't log on to OK Cupid more than three days a week. I have a tendency to obsess over things, and I think he's right that at this point in our lives, obsessing over a dating website would be bad (definitely for my grades, potentially for my mental health).
 
Unfortunately, Mal's writing skills are beyond MS word - it generally cannot decipher what he writes whatsoever lol. I love him, but his spelling's atrocious. :)
 
Thinking, Looking, Studying Biology :p

I've spent a fair bit of time on OK Cupid lately. Added a lot of people to my "favorites" so I can see when they come online - somehow it's less intimidating to me to try to chat rather than sending a message. Spent a lot of time browsing profiles, looking at people's pictures and survey answers. One thing I've realized: I really am attracted more to the feminine at this point in my life. I don't know, maybe it's because Mal's so masculine that I have more of an overload of that. :p Or maybe it's my bi-curious being REALLY curious. But I'm not really "attracted" to profiles that look androgynous. A lot of them sound like they'd make great friends, but they aren't eliciting that "hmm!" feeling that the more feminine profiles tend to elicit on a regular basis. Not a big deal right now - I'm fishing for friends mostly anyways, hoping to create a network of people that have similar interests and beliefs that I can hang out with and spend time with. Just an interesting realization.

Kind of disappointed - I've missed the last three weeks of the group I joined at school, mostly because of events beyond my control, and now I'm going to miss this week's as well. It's almost looking like I may as well give up on that avenue for more friends until the semester's over. :rolleyes: There's only two meetings left after that, assuming they meet till the end of the semester.

More thinking: I have mixed feelings lately about Mal's and my agreement to a OPP.

On the one hand, it's not something I think is a big deal right now. As I stated above, I'm feeling more and more attracted to femininity. And, I knew to start with that I was more interested in finding a female partner than a male partner - I'm bi curious and really think I would enjoy a same-sex sexual experience.

On the other hand, Mal and I both agree that having an agreement based on gender is, by its very nature, sexual discrimination. And Mal and I agree that it isn't based on logic. I know we're all conditioned by society to certain ideas, and one of the strongest of those ideas are gender roles and how those are supposed to work in relationships. Sure, Mal and I don't agree with them - actually, I really relate to transcending gender, to being a person with certain traits as vs. whether or not I'm appropriately feminine enough or maybe too masculine - but that doesn't mean they don't affect us, sometimes in deep and disturbing ways.

Back to the first hand, I feel for Mal: he had 5 ex's before me and 4 of them left him for another guy after cheating on him with the other guy. When I first started dating him, it had been more than a year since his last ex had left him, and he still was strongly affected by it. When Mal commits to someone, he gives his all, and he had almost given up on making those kinds of commitments because he'd been burned so many times. So I know he isn't faking it or just being pissy when he says that he has a strong emotional reaction to the thought of me being with another guy.

Back to the other hand, there's a part of me that's kind of offended for my gender that Mal would be upset by me being with another guy, but not by me being with a girl: IMNSHO, either type of relationship should be of equal strength and worth. Maybe he *should* feel threatened by me being with a girl.

Back to the first hand, I don't really feel that I need a second male partner, certainly not at the moment; it isn't like there's someone waiting in the wings. Is it really fair of me to push Mal on this issue when it's very painful for him and has no obvious gain? On the other hand, I definitely don't want to wait until there IS someone in the wings - that would make any discussion much more difficult.

Another worry of mine: Mal has said that since he understands that there isn't a good logical reason for the OPP, then he won't have another female partner unless I share her - he wants this to be fair. I've read a lot on here, and I've realized that most triads turn into vee's. I've expressed to him that I'd really hate to start a triad only to have his relationship with the woman turn in to the stronger one, and then to have him break off a perfectly good relationship with someone we both like just because I'm no longer romantically involved and he feels the need to have a "fair" OPP. He's listened, and I don't think either of us have a good answer yet.

I guess it'll probably take a lot of discussion - and time - before we can come to a final conclusion (if there's anything really final about a relationship).

Meanwhile, I'm doing a lot of studying for biology - as mentioned, finals are in three weeks. Wish me luck lol :)
 
I'm just now popping in on your first entry. I have yet to visit the links you provided but will when I have more time.

I really enjoy OKcupid. I've been a member since, I want to say, late December 2009 or January 2010. I originally joined it solely for the questions and quizzes since I really enjoy those sorts of things. Then I realized how much I liked their journal set-up. The people came last. :) I, however, have met a few interesting people on the site, met my current partners on their before the summer, and am currently speaking with a couple of potentials (one of which I have been chatting up since August and one brand new one). I, especially, love the site now that they have added the Explanation field to the questions. Sometimes, yes, no, or maybe just doesn't do it.

I think I am similar to you with the procrastination thing. I have been working on my last six classes towards my B.A. in Accounting but have been discouraged due to my lapse in taking classes and how difficult those last few classes have been.

Regarding counseling for Mal, you should look into sliding scale counseling centers in your area. I'm sure there has to be one or two available to you.

Hmm...I guess a good question would be..how does Mal define 'fair' regarding the additional partner (female in this case). I mean, a defunct triad can still be a great vee with one strong romantic relationship and one strong loving but platonic relationship. I do agree that there should be more discussion regarding the relevance of the gender of the partner since either can give cause for worry but, being that you are bicurious and not pansexual or even bisexual, I can see how he would have greater concern regarding a male partner.

Yay, biology! ... Not. :p
 
I think you may be putting too much thought on the what-ifs. You might be happier working with one hand, since one or both may be empty at this point. What's always worked for me, when I can maintain the position (which isn't always easy), is 'going with the flow'. If a female partner feels right, work with that. When you feel like you want a male partner would be the time to talk about that. If Mal is already struggling, talking about what may not come to pass could just aggravate his situation more.

That doesn't mean it's wrong for you to worry-- the situation does sound sexist, he clearly has some baggage that you want him to get rid of. But is now the time? You may find a better opportunity to have him work on it ahead. Don't take this the wrong way, but are you sure the conflict wouldn't just be another distraction? ;)

Also, were you enjoying your school group? If you were able to attend the meetings more regularly, would that fulfill you as much as other pursuits you could engage in?
 
I really enjoy OKcupid.... I, especially, love the site now that they have added the Explanation field to the questions. Sometimes, yes, no, or maybe just doesn't do it.

I'm liking OK Cupid quite a lot, although I've had mixed success so far - chatted with one person, messaging a poly person (just as potential friends), gave up on chatting with a third person because she never messaged back. Last couple times I was on, no one else was, so I didn't get to chat with anyone... I may just have to get over my shyness and actually message people instead of just chat. I, also, love the explanation field! It really helps, especially with the complex questions, to give a real snapshot of the person's viewpoint. Sometimes the actual answer can be misleading from the person's opinion.

I think I am similar to you with the procrastination thing.

I think fighting procrastination is a life-long battle... I'm in my 5th year of college, and I've determined that I have become an expert at cramming for assignments and exams, mostly because of all the practice lol. This semester has been really crazy for me, so I'm not getting the results I usually get; but as long as I can pass all my classes, I'm really hoping to graduate in two more semesters. Then I'll get a "break" in the working world for three semesters before going on to grad school. I'm not sure how much I'll be willing to go back to the 60-hr weeks of studying after a nice 9-to-5 job - time will tell. :p

Regarding counseling for Mal, you should look into sliding scale counseling centers in your area.

I'm not sure - I know there are two hospitals in the area that offer counseling etc, we may eventually look in to that and see what kind of payment options they offer. We've been talking, and he has some kind-of-related results from a school test coming back later this week; we'll probably make more of a decision after that.

Hmm...I guess a good question would be..how does Mal define 'fair' regarding the additional partner (female in this case).

I think from what he said that he would want both of us to be at least romantically involved, even if not at the same pace / intensity. It's a good question to ask. :)

being that you are bicurious and not pansexual or even bisexual, I can see how he would have greater concern regarding a male partner.

That's a good point - I hadn't really thought of that in relation to Mal's objection to a male partner. I'm pretty sure that I would enjoy having a female partner, but I can't actually KNOW that until I have experience with it. :)

Yay, biology! ... Not. :p

I actually love biology lol :cool: I just hate deadlines and exams :p It would be awesome if I could just geek out all day with no consequences on whether or not I write things up in time or remember details, but unfortunately grades don't work that way lol.

I think you may be putting too much thought on the what-ifs.... When you feel like you want a male partner would be the time to talk about that. If Mal is already struggling, talking about what may not come to pass could just aggravate his situation more.

Some agreement and some disagreement here. :) I do have a tendency to not let go of things - I tend to grab on to an issue and then go over and over and over it until it's resolved. Mal likes resolving things too, but he has a more gradual approach; with him, things work best if we work on an issue for a little bit, then let it drop for a while before picking it up again. It's always good for me to be reminded to not beat something to death before he has a chance to ruminate lol :)

What we've done with discussion so far is that I've talked to him off and on about it for a couple days, and then I dropped the issue, probably for the next few months. I'll probably start thinking about it again at some point in the future and bring it back up, then repeat process until we're at a point where we really agree. Actually, most of my posting here was after our discussion - writing things down helps me let go of them lol. :)

That said... I think I should deal with this issue now (i.e. keep talking about it occasionally), as opposed to some point in the future when I think I want a second male partner. A couple reasons. First, I think Mal has enough of an emotional objection to the idea of me with a male partner that if I was discussing this in the context of, "Hey, I really want a male partner," as vs. "I'd like the option to be available if I ever do feel that I want a male partner," the discussion would be a lot more difficult for him. Second, I can see the possibility of me partially jumping the gun if I just waited - and I think this discussion would explode if it was in the context of "Hey, I want X to be my second male partner, let's talk about that."

At the very least, if we keep talking about it on occasion, I know how he's feeling and what the consequences for both of us are likely to be if I did end up with feelings for a second guy. Right now, he's been through a ton of stress in the last few months, and I think he'd fall apart if I told him that I had feelings for another guy. I might not have known that if I hadn't been discussing it with him.

Also, were you enjoying your school group? If you were able to attend the meetings more regularly, would that fulfill you as much as other pursuits you could engage in?

I was really enjoying the school group. It's a "freethinkers" club - we basically got together once a week and talked about a different subject, discussing different ideas, definitions, opinions, interpretations, evidence, etc. I really love those kinds of discussions, and there were several people there that I think I could become better friends with.

I'm not sure what you mean by fulfilling me as much as other pursuits... I don't really have any other social pursuits right now, with the exception of OK Cupid, and that's not really a major pursuit right now. I'd like to look around for other groups as well (my mom suggested a book club recently, I might look at that); but everything is kind of on hold until after finals / holidays. School etc is very fulfilling for me, but I've definitely realized that I need social interaction as well. :)

Thanks again for the comments :)
 
Just venting really... Recap: on Halloween, Mal and I told Beth and Caleb that we needed a month to have a break, to get ourselves back together and get some space etc, before trying to be friends again. (More backstory is in the links I put up in the first post.) We also told them that, since we'd been initiating a lot of the "trying to be friends," we were going to wait for them to make contact. Over this month, Mal and I have decided that we aren't going to try to be friends. It's really difficult for me - I love Beth, I still have feelings for Beth, but I can't let my life descend into chaos and pain because someone I care about won't make the life choices that they need to make to be safe and happy. I'm absolutely convinced from what we heard and saw during September / October that Caleb will hurt someone again, probably seriously. Beth agrees, she's said so to my face; but she continues to stay with him and support him, and if she's around him or with him everything she says is twisted to keep him happy.

I hate this. I am convinced that Beth has a mentally / emotionally abusive relationship with Caleb. I wanted - want - to help her get out of it. But every time we've tried, she turns around and hurts us and pushes us away. It's even more frustrating that she's the one that initiates "getting away from Caleb"; we never gave her ultimatums, never told her what to do, just supported her when she wanted to leave, and we're the ones that get slammed.

This is the second day since the month is over. We haven't heard from Beth or Caleb yet - not sure if we will. They're still on our fb friends. Beth's on facebook right now, and part of me wants so desperately to message her, to see if she's all right, to try to make up. But I tried that already, multiple times, and she'd make up just to make a complete 180 hours later. I can't do that. It's partly why we decided we needed a break. I need to know that my relationships, even just casual friendships, aren't going to be arbitrarily cut off and then put back together every week or two.

I've read a bit on helping people with abusive relationships, and most of it just comes down to being supportive while not putting yourself in harm's way. In some ways I feel like a selfish coward - couldn't I just put up with a bit of mind games to help someone I really care about? But the thinking part of me knows I can't do this. I'm almost failing multiple classes. I NEVER fail classes - the lowest grade I've EVER received before this semester was a B+, and I'm in my 5th year of college. The drama with Beth and Caleb really messed me up this semester. I love her, I want to make life wonderful and sweet for her, but I have to let her go, or I'm going to self-destruct along with her.

Sorry for the rant. :( Feeling rather emotional right now... I think it'll be a long while before I'm really "over" Beth.
 
Just a little bit of an update... Finals are coming full-blast, three last big assignments, all due next week, and four big exams next week. So I'm pretty busy with school.

I'm feeling a lot better than I was when I last posted. I'm not happy with the situation, certainly, but it's more of a dull ache than the searing unhappiness that it was that night.

I've started talking to a few people now on OK Cupid, one especially. Can't say for sure if anything will come of any of them at this point, but it's encouraging just to be able to talk openly with people who know that I'm poly.

Mal's expressed some discomfort with poly in general over the past few days, but we're definitely still talking about it, and I *think* that it's mostly him dealing with some of the potential realities of poly. I told him that at this point I could drop poly, and move on; I wouldn't like it, but I could do it. Then I told him my fear would be that we would end up having the poly discussion again in the future, only next time there would be a person waiting in the wings, and the discussion would be much more difficult. Mal's conclusion was that, while he still wants to keep talking about poly, he's still cool with me messaging people on OK Cupid. So, hopefully things will keep working out fine. I'm a little frightened that when I actually want to meet a potential partner he's going to object, but there isn't much to do for that but to keep talking, keep being honest with each other about where we're at, and see what happens. I'd much rather hear from him now that he's uncomfortable than to have him hide it until it comes to a point where he's totally uncomfortable and needs me to stop NOW. At least at this point we're mostly on the same page.
 
The one person in particular and I are still messaging on OK Cupid, and I'm seeing the potential for it to move off the computer to an actual meeting, so last night I had another serious talk with Mal. He shared that he's feeling afraid of losing me, but at the same time he realizes that it's not logical / not likely to actually happen, and he doesn't want to be controlled by feelings that he knows aren't rational. And even if finding someone for a triad was likely, he doesn't feel ready to consider adding another relationship to his life right now - he's still hurting too much from losing Beth and all of the associated friends. So he's ok with me meeting this one person, if it comes to that. We'll keep talking about future possibilities. We also talked about ways that I can help him see that I'm not interested in leaving him. He emphasized me *doing* things, like helping with chores or doing something nice for him just because, so I'm going to try extra hard to make sure that sort of thing happens.

I'm also happy that Mal's taking the initiative to spend time with other people as friends. He had a friend over for the night a week ago yesterday, he's been spending more time hanging out with people at school, made some plans with a couple of school friends to start a DnD campaign, and he made a last-minute trip last night to bring up another friend of his - I'll call him J - for the weekend. I don't like J much myself, but... Mal needs friends, he needs people he can talk to and BS with besides just me, and I can deal with a bit of irritation to have J here for the weekend if it means that Mal will be happier. They were up till 5 am this morning playing video games and catching up. I think I'm going to try to get a nice breakfast going for when Mal wakes up. :)
 
A bit of weirdness on OKC - I messaged someone that has a lot of interests in common with me, she messaged me back, etc. She looked vaguely familiar, but that happens to me a lot and I didn't think much of it. Showed her picture to Mal earlier today, and he's like "I know that girl." We're pretty sure she works at the video rental place not a block from our house. If we're right, she's actually someone Mal and I have liked for a long time - pretty much since we moved here - just never talked to outside of the renting-a-movie context. I'll have to just take things a day at a time, same as I would any other person I meet on OKC... Feeling a little embarrassed now about all the times we've messed around (just being goofy) in front of her lol. :p No idea if she recognizes me or not.
 
Loneliness, self-consciousness, and Mal

Last night I was really struggling with loneliness. We had some issues yesterday morning (car troubles) that really brought home to me that I don't have any good friends in the area. And, the first person I'd been really in-depth messaging on OKC hasn't messaged me in over a week, and some things on her profile make me think that she's continuing to message others. I'm looking forward to spending time with family over Christmas, but apprehensive because there is so much (including Poly) that I'm not willing to talk about with them just yet. To top it all off, Mal has found a group of people that he enjoys spending time with on Xbox Live, and he's spent a ton of time on there over the last week. Great for him, I'm really glad that he's socializing and enjoying it, but it just emphasizes even more for me just how little I have in the way of friends.

I journaled a lot last night, mostly about being lonely / wanting close friends and/or a female partner, and I think I hit on something that I'm really going to need to deal with. I have a tendency to think that the slightest sign of dislike towards me from another person means that they hate me, think I'm ugly or dumb or horribly arrogant. It's really hard for me to say that maybe it was just circumstances, or maybe it's not personal, or maybe they do hate, say, science geeks, and I should just move on and not beat myself up about it. I think this is part of the reason that I have such a hard time taking the initiative to make friends and include myself in social groups. I see someone's face quirk when they look in my direction, and I think, "They don't really like me, they think I'm dumb, I should just stay away and not make it awkward." Maybe that's the case sometimes, but I think I spend too much time worrying about what people think of me and not enough time just being myself, being nice to others, and having fun. Mal's said that about me since I knew him lol :p I think it's one of the issues I'm going to have to work on fixing in myself on my journey to develop a social group and maybe another relationship.

I asked Mal again today on how he's feeling with "me looking for a girlfriend." He basically said that he doesn't know how he feels. I could psychoanalyze it for hours, but... I don't think it's really worth it. He seems supportive, he hasn't asked me to stop, I think he's really appreciated the work I've put in to 'acts of love' recently, so I'm not going to worry about it too much unless and until he says otherwise. I'll keep asking him periodically and letting him know how things are going.
 
Have you received you final grades for the semester yet?

I hope you had a great holiday season.

So have you and Mal discussed whether or not you are going to pursue the video store chick?

It is tough when you reflect and realize you don't have many friendships of substance locally. I know the feeling all too well since I move every few years to different cities and/or states. I've been in Colorado for two years and hesitate to identify, maybe, three local people as people I could consider friends. They are all 'great' people but I don't know if I would consider them true 'friends' to me.

Yea...you want to work on that self-image. It's hard not to let your mind create its own reality regarding how others see you but we cannot do that. Mainly, we cannot let others' opinons of us hold that much weight in our lives, first and foremost.

Looking forward to your next posting. *hugs*
 
I haven't been on here or OKC much for a while - mostly I've been busy out doing things, which is a good change of pace. :)

My grades came in better than expected (one A, two Bs, and a C+). It's still my worst-ever semester by far (the second worst would be two B+s and two As), but it's better than it could have been, and I passed every class, so I'm feeling ok with that.

The person who worked at the video store never messaged me back, so I'm assuming that's a dead end. Mal's theory is that she's actually looking for someone who might be interested in both her and her boyfriend, which is possible; she may also just not have been that into me, who knows. :rolleyes: I'm still messaging a few people on OKC, but I'm not too excited about the possibility of actually dating someone from OKC. Too many times people have just stopped writing back, and it's not like there's a ton of profiles of people in my area that generally fit my interests. I'll probably keep the profile up, but otherwise I'm trying to focus my social initiative on more real life pursuits.

In that area, I've had some more success lately; I've taken the initiative to set up times to hang out with a few people I know, introduced myself to people when normally I would have been shy and ignored them, even joined a free group exercise class (I need to get in shape, anyways, and that's part of my poor self image - two birds with one stone!)

Mal and I haven't talked much about poly lately, we've been too busy with everything else, so that sits right where we left it. I'm not really actively pursuing poly right now, more just working on being more sociable and increasing / deepening my friendships.
 
Well, that's a start and a great thing. Congrats on your semester! Yea...I'm not too busy but I plan on busying myself with real life socializing so I am making a conscious effort to take a hiatus from OKc and fb. I am keeping up with this site and my blogspot subscriptions but that's it. Take care...
 
General update... Life is just kind of chugging along. Our ex-roommate (I'll call her V) is staying with us, she's had some issues with her mom (her mom is diagnosed schizophrenic and known to be violent, so I don't blame her at all). She didn't have many good places to go, so we invited her here till she can get a job and a place of her own. The reason we're ex-roommates is because her social needs are WAYYY higher than mine and Mal's - she wants company 24/7 when Mal and I like a few hours of hanging out and the rest of our days to ourselves. In the past, this created conflict. We're trying to be really aware of this, making plans so she can get out and hang out with other people and Mal and I can get some space, and I'm really hoping it works out without any craziness - I *like* V and would like this time to go better than last time. (Just to be clear, V is a friend, but I'm not remotely interested in anything more with her.)

I'm also a bit torn, because I'd like to talk to V about me (and kind of Mal) being poly, but I don't think I should. I think she'd be accepting, she's one of the most open people I know, but she also has a horrible time keeping confidences. It's pretty common for her to tell very personal revelations about one person to another person for no particular reason. I don't think she means anything by it, she just feels like it's no big deal, even when the first person has made a big deal about not sharing that information. She also told us that she had a bad experience recently with a couple, friends of hers, that wanted a threesome / poly-ish thing with her and weren't taking no for an answer. So even if she would refrain from telling everyone she knows that I'm exploring poly, I'm not sure she'd really want to hear it right now. I think the wise thing to do is to keep my mouth shut; it's just hard when I feel so comfortable talking to her.

Otherwise - I've been pretty busy lately, with my winterim class, and a big project I have at school gearing up, and hanging out with people occasionally. Just keeping an open mind and waiting to see what might happen.
 
How long did you tell V she could stay? I think, maybe, you should tell her about you and Mal. Since she doesn't know, it would allow her to discuss more things with you about her experiences and ideas and, in turn, you can do the same. Glad school is still coming along and you are finding the time to continue to socialize.
 
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