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Old 01-23-2016, 07:15 PM
BreeB BreeB is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1
Default Hello? Is this thing on?

Heya! My name is Bree. I'm 31 years of age & this is the first time I have ever posted to a forum. (So if I botch it, forgive me!) I live in a rural town in North Carolina, where there is a lack of like-minds. Hence my being driven to this site.
I have been with my husband for 4 years. I have 4 dogs whom I adore. I have never been in a serious relationship with a woman, but I crave it immensely. A few months ago, my husband & I discussed it. Being the amazing man he is, he told me to go out & find someone. At first it was ok with going outside of the relationship. But the more I think about how it would be, the more I am interested in a triad. I want to share the love my husband & I have for one another, with another woman. I've been on okcupid & have had no luck with that. So, let's give it a go here! If anything I'd like to talk with like minded people & learn about your experiences!
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Old 01-23-2016, 11:03 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by BreeB View Post
I want to share the love my husband & I have for one another, with another woman. I've been on okcupid & have had no luck with that.
Well, it's no surprise that you've had no luck. In general, most people wouldn't want to be inserted into your relationship like a puzzle piece expected to fit in. You may not realize how your idea presents itself. How, exactly, would you share your love for your husband with someone else, anyway? It makes me picture kids doing double-dutch jump rope and swinging the ropes until a new person jumps in. You love your hubs, and he loves you, and then... what happens? Love doesn't switch on and off like a faucet. If you grow to love another person, you love that person. It can't be the same love you have for your husband, because -- different person.

Most triads that actually work well are the ones that occur on their own, naturally, organically after a relationship is established one-on-one with one of the people in a couple, but without the expectation in the beginning that a woman has to be involved with their partner. How would there be instant compatibility? Just because you and your husband have such an awesome love for each other, doesn't mean another person will hit it off with both of you, even if they are bi and into couples. Most women will avoid that kind of situation if it's pre-made and pre-measured for them before they even know one of you. You can read many stories here of couples who went looking for someone to "join" their relationship only to see it all explode spectacularly in their faces.

What I'm saying doesn't mean it's impossible, but rather that you'll probably do best if you adjust your expectations and goals.

Read these threads for some valuable insight:

Added to, Joining In

Ask a triad - advice column

Unicorns & Unicorn Hunters - Merged Threads, General Discussion

What's in it for a unicorn?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 01-23-2016 at 11:30 PM.
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Old 02-13-2016, 01:10 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida, USA
Posts: 477

Lots of bisexual women (myself included) won't engage with couples that come as a "package deal." Why? Because I don't want to get dumped if I' only really interested in one of you, nor do I want to "share" anyone else's love, I want my own. Also, as a bi woman, I pretty much always have a man (or two) in my life, so yours is extraneous.

Plus, your arrangement completely excludes lesbians, who will not want your husband. I highly recommend, if you want a relationship with a woman, do not try to make her be with your man, too.
Female, bi-amorous, mid 40's

on the spectrum between monogam-ish and poly-amorous
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Old 02-15-2016, 03:55 PM
sobebicouple sobebicouple is offline
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: West Palm Beach, FL
Posts: 44

I have to agree. Finding a single bi women to join you and your hubby might be a challenge. We basically gave up on that dream. Since we are both bi we are open to bi couples n singles.
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Old 02-18-2016, 06:50 AM
MartianSky MartianSky is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 2
Default I understand Sort Of

My Wife gave me permission after 30 years when I told her of my poly feelings. I've discovered that it is about friendship, love and romance first, sex later. Poly is very odd to most, I think perhaps even more of a minority than being gay. I'm not gay but still open to all romance.

When spouse gives permission it is quite bizarre. You don't really know what to think and feel and want to honor spouse. She does not want to know details, seriously. I move very slowly and easily.

I think when you got permission it was not a request for a threesome. But discuss it with him. I know it's hard. I really do understand.
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bisexual female, married and dating, new to polyamory, open mind, open relationship, queer, triad, unicorn, unicorn hunting

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