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  #11  
Old 06-17-2016, 01:19 PM
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I also wonder how far he will push this control. After he has a date, and you are finally allowed to have one as well, is your relationship then on hold until he is able to kiss his new partner, tell her "I love you," have a sleepover and fuck? Does he have to do all that stuff first, before you are allowed to progress your new relationship? I really doubt that both will move at the exact same pace.
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  #12  
Old 06-17-2016, 09:30 PM
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Default Different perspective

When I first started dating a poly woman (Celia), I was not poly. She proposed the rule that she would not date me unless I was actively pursuing & dating other women. For the first year, she did not date anyone else (again, her decision).

The difference being that she was the one to propose this willingly. I didn't suggest it or demand it. I thought it was pretty creative of her and it allowed me to get my feet wet before taking on my (delicate) male ego.

After a year, she started dating. The experiences I had during that year definitely helped me deal with my feelings when she started going out dating.

Not for everyone but it worked well for us.
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  #13  
Old 06-17-2016, 11:30 PM
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nate and I started out as basically just being sexually open but he was going off by himself before I was. it wasn't discussed really, he just happened to find people he wanted to have sex with and I didn't. at first it was really hard, it was like a punch in the gut when he'd go off and i'd go to bed early to avoid dealing with the feelings I was having. times when i'd wake up in he middle of the night with him still gone was agonizing. eventually I just go over it. then he had a 2 year casual relationship with jane, I liked her as friend so it was great having her around. 5 years into our relationship I met someone and even the he wont admit that he was jealous I believe that he was e fought f0r several months and he played a lot of mind games. I think that he eventually felt secure that iwouldnt leave him and he was totally fine with my relationship with my boyfriend.

honestly if my husband demanded that I wait until he started dating before I could I would just call the whole thing off and not open the relationship, it's pretty telling on how he's going to act when you do meet someone
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  #14  
Old 06-18-2016, 12:57 AM
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Either you're both ready or you're not.

Giselle, why not invite your hubs to join here, read this thread, and post his side? We won't gang up on him!
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  #15  
Old 06-18-2016, 01:30 AM
Giselle21 Giselle21 is offline
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Default It's come to mind

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Either you're both ready or you're not.

Giselle, why not invite your hubs to join here, read this thread, and post his side? We won't gang up on him!
I do think he needs to join here. I've read lots of great stuff here just on others experiences. I'll bring it up.

I did bring up how this is an emotional thing and the restrictions aren't ok. This is more about communication and agreements.
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  #16  
Old 06-19-2016, 02:02 AM
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It's good that you brought it up.
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boundaries, dating dynamics, dating issues, married and dating, married and polyamorous, negotiating boundaries, negotiation, new to polyamory

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