Going back over this thread, I'm a little leery of the "codependency" thing too. It quickly becomes a filter for (mis)interpreting the situation.
Back in 2000, I moved halfway across the country to spend time with a friend & occasional sexual partner, who had two small businesses at which I fit right in. I'd work long days, then spend the evenings writing & editing book manuscripts.
And I desired her sexually. It seemed for a while to be more than mutual, as she hadn't had a lover for a year previous. But... ever seen
Annie Hall? There's a moment where Woody & Annie are asked by their respective shrinks (in split-screen) "How often do you have sex?" She says, "All the time -- two or three times a week." He says, "Hardly ever -- two or three times a week."
Well, that's kinda how we were. My partner started complaining to her friends about these burdensome demands, & not-so-subtly suggested to me that I should be looking for a secondary relationship. She used the "co-dependent" gambit, which I thought was ludicrous, but at least I didn't laugh in her face.
Circumstances were such that I took this to heart, though not sexually. A book I'd been wanting for years to write was somehow taking shape. A brewpub down the road started putting on more live music mid-week, so I'd go out a few nights with my laptop, sip on great beer, enjoy the tunes, & maybe have their excellent fish tacos. Then I'd go home, slide happily into bed, & be out like a light, without the least interest in "bothering" her. I still adored her, greatly enjoyed working with her, & found her company endlessly rewarding... but stopped even hinting at sex, figuring she's a grown-ass liberated woman & could darned well initiate it too, without the melodrama.
Problem solved, right?
Soon enough, she started complaining to her friends that I was "withholding sex"!! (And to my knowledge
none of her friends had the spine to express curiosity about the situational about-face. They just kept scowling at me when we'd meet.)