TheExplorer
Member
Hello All,
Well so after being married for 20 years, I figured I'd give a try at an open marriage. My wife and I have no kids together, she is bi and even made the claim that she had no interest in dating other men so possibly almost lesbian. I was extremely supportive of her from the very start. I always felt compersion and sympathized any time she had issues with her relationship. When things went well I was always happy for her. On her end, she is being supportive because I'd like to have kids someday.
Now on her end the relationship has been up and down. Her partner clearly wants full ownership and has been pressing her to divorce. It's been on again, off again since December 2015. Another thing which makes this more complicated is I am now long distance with my wife - saw her occasionally in November/December 2016, March 2017, and a few days in May 2017 for our anniversary, but otherwise live apart.
On my end, I started dating December 2016. I have met another lady who is very sweet and even my wife likes her although she's a bit scared that my wife is not keen on the idea. I thought I would feel some sort of relief, happiness, and euphoria. But I feel like I've been on a downward spiral from that point on. I started out slightly depressed and now I'm in this scary cycle of occasionally feeling ok and sometimes feeling so weak, down, and dark that I have to fight to survive. I try to exercise (bike, surf, dance) and eat well and it's a struggle, plus my ability to work and concentrate is suffering.
It feels like this whole experiment with polyamory has gone terribly wrong for me. Especially after she got on the plane in March 2017, I've been a total mess. It feels like a living nightmare, like we're only married on paper because we've allowed each other the freedom to enjoy our lives, but in effect we're going through hell because I'm feeling separation and pain typical of people going through divorce. Just this morning, I talked with my wife on Skype and all I could do is cry while she listened sympathetically
Any thoughts? Seems there must be a better way...It feels like in effect what we've done is allowed ourselves so much freedom that we've neglected our primary relationship.
Well so after being married for 20 years, I figured I'd give a try at an open marriage. My wife and I have no kids together, she is bi and even made the claim that she had no interest in dating other men so possibly almost lesbian. I was extremely supportive of her from the very start. I always felt compersion and sympathized any time she had issues with her relationship. When things went well I was always happy for her. On her end, she is being supportive because I'd like to have kids someday.
Now on her end the relationship has been up and down. Her partner clearly wants full ownership and has been pressing her to divorce. It's been on again, off again since December 2015. Another thing which makes this more complicated is I am now long distance with my wife - saw her occasionally in November/December 2016, March 2017, and a few days in May 2017 for our anniversary, but otherwise live apart.
On my end, I started dating December 2016. I have met another lady who is very sweet and even my wife likes her although she's a bit scared that my wife is not keen on the idea. I thought I would feel some sort of relief, happiness, and euphoria. But I feel like I've been on a downward spiral from that point on. I started out slightly depressed and now I'm in this scary cycle of occasionally feeling ok and sometimes feeling so weak, down, and dark that I have to fight to survive. I try to exercise (bike, surf, dance) and eat well and it's a struggle, plus my ability to work and concentrate is suffering.
It feels like this whole experiment with polyamory has gone terribly wrong for me. Especially after she got on the plane in March 2017, I've been a total mess. It feels like a living nightmare, like we're only married on paper because we've allowed each other the freedom to enjoy our lives, but in effect we're going through hell because I'm feeling separation and pain typical of people going through divorce. Just this morning, I talked with my wife on Skype and all I could do is cry while she listened sympathetically
Any thoughts? Seems there must be a better way...It feels like in effect what we've done is allowed ourselves so much freedom that we've neglected our primary relationship.