What remains to be worked out is this. The bf of this other woman with whom he had a date is really jealous too, and reacted very strongly when he found out about the intimacy.
Wow. A lot happened this weekend regarding all this! First off, the bf (Mark) of gf #1 (Lori) apparently did NOT know about the extent of the intimacy, because she did not tell him, as we all thought she had. A lot of mess happened with that, anger and fighting (as you can well imagine) on their end.
Now, a lot of doors have been opening. I actually emailed Lori and gf #2 (Bree) and I feel like I am so enlightened! It's amazing how my imagination had been filling in the blanks. When I finally connected with these girls (which I had been avoiding like the plague, living in total denial) and heard about the situation from everyone else's perspective (not just Nick's), I realized that reality was far different from what I thought it was.
Mark (the other bf) and I have been having lovely conversations. We feel so similarly about the whole thing, it's been really great to have someone who understands. I wrote a very long email to all involved, and talked about what I would like to see happen as far as communication, 100% honesty, and safety during sex. Unfortunately, Mark said that Lori was angered by it. I haven't talked to her about it yet, but Nick was in agreement, for the most part.
It is a major breakthrough to have all this communication happening all of a sudden. And, although obviously there is a serious issue here what with Lori's deception, I feel way more relaxed being In The Know. Whatever comes of this situation, even if I have to walk away because it doesn't feel safe, I am so glad I have experienced this, as it has been a major lesson learned about how my imagination runs wild and my reactions to those imaginings can really screw things up.
I feel like, if we can get to a point where we are all friends and respect each other, things could really be great. I already feel very connected with Mark. We haven't met in person yet, but I just feel like we have bared our souls to each other over the last few days. Lori has said she thinks we could be great friends and wants that to happen.
It's like the terror and insecurity and anger I have been feeling has just melted away. I feel love for these people. I feel tenderness towards them. I realize they are not things to fear. They are not taking anything from me, and in fact, have a lot to give. This, I am learning, is the beauty of polyamory at work.
I just wanted to share this major event. Even though it occurred because of dishonesty, I really feel like it split everyone open and was the catalyst for these lines of communication to begin.