I mostly agree with you, but that is a lot of overreach in the context of this thread.
Let's say that I was in a longterm monogamous relationship.
From some magazine article, the topic of nonmonogamy comes up. I feel that I might be okay if she were to have another guy in her life, so long as she continues to love me & come home to me, but Beka says she can't imagine herself being okay if I have sex elsewhere. I'm fine with that, case closed, & we go on happily as before.
To me, it's a leap to say that Beka is somehow controlling or "stifling" me. And it's a HUGE leap to equate this to violence, or even that it's somehow leading to violence.
And I understand what YOU are saying.
Allow me to clarify re: the perceived overreach in my response.
My comment was in direct response to MeeraReed's OP, which addresses the existence of a misogynistic double standard - even among poly males (and in the case of this forum, usually a new-to-poly, male primary partner's) - visceral distaste at the very thought of "his" woman desiring, or actually taking, another male as a lover, despite the fact that HE may be seeking or actively engaging with other females in a like fashion...
...and the man's subsequent inability to get past the fact that another penis has been inside of "his" woman; and the condemnation (voiced or unvoiced) of his female partner as somehow "less than", impure, a whore, "used goods" etc., due to that fact ALONE.
It was noted that this can be a problematic issue for even relatively "enlightened" non-monogamous males, in the event that the female partner decides she desires another MALE lover, rather than (the generally more easily-accepted option) a FEMALE lover.
(And yes, I know I'm playing with stereotypes here, and that females can be "guilty" of similar double standards... which I also addressed somewhere... but I was attempting to respond to the topic at hand.)
The controlling behaviours, extreme jealousy and violence against such women that I spoke of, spring from this double standard - and have literally occurred countless thousands of times throughout world history - are most often the preserve of monogamous or polygamous males, regardless of race, creed or culture, true... though I'm sure you'd find some examples within poly circles too.
It is this hypocritical, misogynistic stance (that holds that woman and her vagina are for the exclusive use of her husband/partner, and become "tainted" should she choose to sleep with another man, even if said husband/partner has other wives, lovers, or mistresses) that was at the heart of MeeraReed's OP - and which has seemingly resulted in a "hangover" effect among SOME males who attempt polyamory with the best of intentions, that causes them to become rage-filled, squeamish wrecks when confronted with the fact that their female partner would like to, or is, fucking another guy.