So basically, i'm hoping to look for support and some sort of validation that I'm not alone in feeling like this, and thank anyone who has a chance to read and respond.
So I was with an older guy (47 and I'm 23) who is poly. Thing is...our relationship was quite complicated because i refused to have a label and he was fine with that, because i didn't want to admit that i had gotten myself into such an unconventional relationship with no future. Long story short, i was hurting inside every time because he had a girlfriend. We were on and off then for a while.
Then it was the little things; like how i had to leave his house early because his girlfriend was inviting another partner over. Like how we couldn't sleep together because he had to get permission. How if I would ride in the car with them I always sat in the backseat. Like how when I went to bake him some food, he'd message me and insist i had to bring some to his girlfriend too. Like how he would pressure me to try and be closer with her, how i shouldn't leave the house every time she came over, how he asked me to hug her before leaving...then one night he spoke about how they're going to his brother's wedding that weekend, even though he told me last year that i would go with him because i LOVE weddings. i broke down and left. i just felt so shitty and less than someone else and hurt...so i needed time out and let him know about how i felt in a text, particularly about how this is hard for me. He told me that if i feel so lonely i can stay longer but that wasn't the point. so i ignored him because i needed time to process...
since then he unblocked me from fb, and said that he doesn't want to talk to me, after everything we've been through. i'm left feeling heartbroken and so depressed. most of all im mad because this feels so unfair. it was easier for him in the beginning. he may be hurting but he has someone to go home to, someone who can support him and distract him. im left with an empty bed and pain. And somehow i feel like heartbreak in a monogamous relationship would be 10x easier and fairer too...does that make sense?
Anyway, please im looking to feel like i'm not alone here. How do people in poly relationships not feel like their self-esteem is being crushed? How do you not get lonely? Do you feel like the heartbreak hurts more here? I tried to understand this believe me I tried and I was very tolerant, but god it hurts...it was like experiencing heartbreak everyday.
So I was with an older guy (47 and I'm 23) who is poly. Thing is...our relationship was quite complicated because i refused to have a label and he was fine with that, because i didn't want to admit that i had gotten myself into such an unconventional relationship with no future. Long story short, i was hurting inside every time because he had a girlfriend. We were on and off then for a while.
Then it was the little things; like how i had to leave his house early because his girlfriend was inviting another partner over. Like how we couldn't sleep together because he had to get permission. How if I would ride in the car with them I always sat in the backseat. Like how when I went to bake him some food, he'd message me and insist i had to bring some to his girlfriend too. Like how he would pressure me to try and be closer with her, how i shouldn't leave the house every time she came over, how he asked me to hug her before leaving...then one night he spoke about how they're going to his brother's wedding that weekend, even though he told me last year that i would go with him because i LOVE weddings. i broke down and left. i just felt so shitty and less than someone else and hurt...so i needed time out and let him know about how i felt in a text, particularly about how this is hard for me. He told me that if i feel so lonely i can stay longer but that wasn't the point. so i ignored him because i needed time to process...
since then he unblocked me from fb, and said that he doesn't want to talk to me, after everything we've been through. i'm left feeling heartbroken and so depressed. most of all im mad because this feels so unfair. it was easier for him in the beginning. he may be hurting but he has someone to go home to, someone who can support him and distract him. im left with an empty bed and pain. And somehow i feel like heartbreak in a monogamous relationship would be 10x easier and fairer too...does that make sense?
Anyway, please im looking to feel like i'm not alone here. How do people in poly relationships not feel like their self-esteem is being crushed? How do you not get lonely? Do you feel like the heartbreak hurts more here? I tried to understand this believe me I tried and I was very tolerant, but god it hurts...it was like experiencing heartbreak everyday.