SuddenlyStoneElf
New member
Hi everyone,
(Darnit, I'd written a whole long post about this and it disappeared into ether!
Just as a quick opening... I'd like to have your opinions on how you treat and deal with comparisons within your relationships.
I think I got started off on the wrong foot on this topic with my s2bx, who was unable to reassure me that I wouldn't fall off his radar completely when he entered the throes of NRE. It never got to that point, and I wanted to talk about it before anything had the chance to happen, but s2bx was either unwilling or unable to talk about boundaries, respect, timing, etc.
My current point of view is that everyone compares because it's natural; I figure some of you trained yourselves out of it because it has a negative aura, and some of you worked through it and made it into something positive.
I read Franklin Veaux's post about the topic and I find myself unable to attain such purity of thought at the moment... I feel comparisons probably arise left and right, all the time, due to highs and lows in every relationship. And I can't find in myself the ability to believe that Franklin doesn't have a preference for his taller GF if he likes tall women more in general!
Sounds petty? Well... why wouldn't anyone go for their preferences? How I see it feels pretty horrible at this point because a Game Changer can come along at any time. I'm told I should be happy for that, because "the person who leaves you didn't love you enough". Oh that's very reassuring. Can I have some advice on how to troubleshoot this so I can stay AWAY from people who'd drop me in a hot minute for someone they find hotter, please?
Not wanting to put poly-exploration on hold because I am imperfect, I'd like to confront the reality of what comparison means for you guys.
How do you react to them, be those your own, or someone else's?
Do you explicitly discuss them with everyone involved?
Or is the topic swept underneath the rug?
(Darnit, I'd written a whole long post about this and it disappeared into ether!
Just as a quick opening... I'd like to have your opinions on how you treat and deal with comparisons within your relationships.
I think I got started off on the wrong foot on this topic with my s2bx, who was unable to reassure me that I wouldn't fall off his radar completely when he entered the throes of NRE. It never got to that point, and I wanted to talk about it before anything had the chance to happen, but s2bx was either unwilling or unable to talk about boundaries, respect, timing, etc.
My current point of view is that everyone compares because it's natural; I figure some of you trained yourselves out of it because it has a negative aura, and some of you worked through it and made it into something positive.
I read Franklin Veaux's post about the topic and I find myself unable to attain such purity of thought at the moment... I feel comparisons probably arise left and right, all the time, due to highs and lows in every relationship. And I can't find in myself the ability to believe that Franklin doesn't have a preference for his taller GF if he likes tall women more in general!
Sounds petty? Well... why wouldn't anyone go for their preferences? How I see it feels pretty horrible at this point because a Game Changer can come along at any time. I'm told I should be happy for that, because "the person who leaves you didn't love you enough". Oh that's very reassuring. Can I have some advice on how to troubleshoot this so I can stay AWAY from people who'd drop me in a hot minute for someone they find hotter, please?
Not wanting to put poly-exploration on hold because I am imperfect, I'd like to confront the reality of what comparison means for you guys.
How do you react to them, be those your own, or someone else's?
Do you explicitly discuss them with everyone involved?
Or is the topic swept underneath the rug?