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Old 12-16-2010, 11:16 PM
jokutus's Avatar
jokutus jokutus is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 31
Unhappy Advice from my poly peers...

Well, after my encounter with the psycho woman - I decided to stop looking for awhile. Inevitably, when you stop looking for something - it finds you.
My partner and I are members of several communities (atheist and child-free) and are out (from a poly standpoint) to our friends. In fact, "E" tells everyone where sometimes I would rather keep it to ourselves...
Now our atheist group has an overlap with another atheist group that is in the same general area. This is how I met "B". It was well over a year ago at a mutual friends birthday party. I found her attractive, but never gave her a second thought.
We started bumping into each other at certain events and I realized she was kinda growing on me. Each time we would be at the same event and I noticed there was a certain chemistry growing between us. It got to the point where we would be the last ones talking at events. I have caught her staring at me and she has caught me doing the same. She is also friends with "E" and "E"'s group of friends.
So last Sunday, we had breakfast and lunch together with a decent sized group of friends. I walked her to her car and we talked. I asked her what she was looking for romantically...
She started to list several features where I joked "guess I am out of the running"...
She giggled, and I looked into her eyes and said "I really like you "B""... She said "I like you too, but..."
"Its the poly thing" I said, and she agreed. "I just don't want to get between you and "E" ". I nodded (and I was kind of shocked because it felt like everything was going so well) and turned to go to my car.
"Is it just the poly part?" I asked, before I started to walk away.. she said "Yeah" and I said ok...

I have been miserable for the last week over this. I can't sleep or eat because I feel like I am going crazy. My closest friends have both told me to cheer up, that there is still a possibility that she may need time to mull it over. Even my partner "E" has offered to talk to her and let her know that its ok to go out with me. Everyone thinks we are a great match...

I think if it was a simple overnight encounter, I wouldn't be this messed up - but when the fires of romantic interest burn slow, I guess they are harder to extinguish..

So my question to my "poly peers" - what should I do? Should I sit down and talk to her? Should I let "E" talk to her? Should I let it go and maybe bring it up a few months down the road? Do I just forget about it? I don't seem to be thinking in a logical manner, but with pure blinding emotion...

Has anyone had any success in a situation like this? Do people change their minds over time or is this a lost cause... Why does it feel like I have lost a really great relationship when it didn't even start?

Help me guys - I feel like I am going crazy...
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