Well, nothing much to update, really.
I heard from my old friend and part time lover this week. He and I go way back. We have known each other since I identified as a lesbian and was married to my wife. He married a woman in my community who then identified as bisexual. She and I had dated a bit and although we were surface close, we never really clicked. She is a charming woman who is very manipulative and very intelligent about getting her way. She tends to turn situations on a dime and is very two-faced. One minute she's all sweetness and full of admiration, the next she is scowling and chopping your head off. We have had many moments where I was unsafe emotionally and she used that to her advantage. Needless to say, I have spent most of my time avoiding her due to the pain she has caused me over the years. Funny how when someone is really toxic they can sometimes come up in one's life over and over again.
She is in the process of divorcing my friend. I was the one who introduced them. I went to their wedding. I had my maternity leave with her and have been a huge part of her life and his. Now they are ending what everyone saw as a doomed relationship from the first moment I invited them out to a gay club and they got together. She used to talk constantly about how clueless he was while we raised our babies together that first year.
I have some emotions around this. I don't know what they are, but they are strong. I have some emotions around his being monogamous with another woman and shutting me out. I have some emotions around the fact that he has not responded to my emails for about 6 months now and suddenly did. I have some emotions around the fact that his girlfriend, who apparently has moved in with him, did not recognize me and was very territorial when I went to deliver something I had borrowed over a year ago to his house. I'm also having some emotions around the fact that his almost ex-wife is appearing on my friends' FB walls and in their friends because she is part of several communities where I am a strong participant. I'm breathing through it. I have some strong boundaries and she knows it.
She doesn't understand what she has done and I don't expect her to anymore. We have been down that road several times and I am not going down there again. She has had her last chance and I don't need to answer to her. Still, I am going to find it very hard not to say something if I hear anything about my friend that is untrue or one-sided. Thankfully, I don't involve myself much with lots of stuff or people that would tell me anything, anyway.
I have all but given up on Leo. I told him that he knows where I am and he can find me if he wants to hang out. The making plans all the time for us and him telling me he doesn't like what I plan has worn thin. He didn't see my burlesque show because he has social anxiety. He doesn't like going out for coffee. He doesn't like and can't do a whole lot of things. I just don't have the patience for it right now, if ever, mostly because he doesn't plan, I do. I think he thinks I'm his wife or something; she does everything. Nope, I'm not, and I won't.
The whole swinging thing has worn thin also. I just don't get it and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I'm really quite conservative aren't I?
I don't think I am ever going to be close to anything sexual with him, not only because of Mono, but because of the swinging. It would make me feel dirty and like he is there for a good time, not a connected time. I don't even flirt any more. If he wants flirting he can come and watch a show I do, like everyone else, and pay!
Wow! Am I ever cranky. Please take what I just said there with a huge grain of salt!
I had an awesome weekend and Mother's Day. I treated my mum like a queen. I did her feet and hands; made them look all pretty and supple. I even put some little flowers on her nails. She loved it. She sat against the back massager I brought and soaked her feet beforehand.
Everything with the family is going really well. I couldn't be happier and neither could they. We have worked hard and everyone is settled in now.
I had my tea leaves read today at a country Mother's Day tea. The woman said I have been working hard at something; slowly and methodically. It will come to fruition with time. She also said that I will go to a conference and it will be really good for me. Lastly, someone will be an unexpected surprise, or will give me an unexpected surprise. Interesting.
Derby left a Mother's Day treat at my door-- everything to give myself a pedicure. My favorite part was the cream from her own personal nursing stash.
Heh, love that. I will have to invite her over to do our feet. We had a good swim and a soak in the hot tub this week. I think we will do that again. She went to derby. I did the "extreme cardio" water aerobics (very un-extreme) and then we soaked and chatted. It was lovely. We had a shower together and a friend of mine walked in. Awkward.
Women's group meets at my house this week. We have a new member coming that I met up with last week. She was really having a hard time. Poor thing, she showed up a week early and burst into tears on my doorstep. PN answered the door and she wasn't expecting him to. She expected me to. She ran down the street. I ran after her. She didn't want to talk to me, but I managed to get a hold of her and we went for a sit in the park the next day. I hope she will be okay. I told her to call me whenever she needed to.
Gotta go. I have bad cramps and am cranky and Mono just made me a cup of tea. He's putting a documentary on for me. PN and LB have crashed from their lack of sleep all weekend.
Guess I had lots to say.