Forums: Help or Hinder?

I have gained mountains of knowledge, insight and perspective from these forums. I've also been able to speak to people privately about my situation who have had similar things happen to their relationships. I think the forums help me, because I don't feel alone with whatever is happening. If I am really going through it, or I am super pumped, I find others experiencing similar things here.

As far as privacy, has phpbb 3 been considered? I'm pretty sure it has a mechanism to keep all registered users and forums private. I can't pull any information on this other site searching google with my username and the url of the site.

On here, my profile pops up as number 3 on the google hit list. Icky.

One suggestion I have is to make viewing and posting in the forums require the viewer to be registered. Have unregistered forums for site intro and rules for posting, then make all registration, and registered forum info hidden from the websearch world.

Just a thought.
 
One suggestion I have is to make viewing and posting in the forums require the viewer to be registered. Have unregistered forums for site intro and rules for posting, then make all registration, and registered forum info hidden from the websearch world.

We'd already made some portions non-viewable by unregistered guests and those members not logged in. Now most of the boards are non-viewable with being logged in, so that might shut out the search engines. Nothing in the help files mentions it specifically, so I hope it works.
 
Thoughts

I think from what I've seen thus far that there's been good communications and educational value in the forum (overall).
I do agree with what a couple of people have mentioned in that it's on occasion taken a Jerry Springer-ish turn, which in my opinion doesn't really contribute to the whole in any real meaningful way. Maybe this is kind of what some are feeling when they feel a need for some way to "privatize" some of the conversations ? Maybe one solution to that would be simply to create a section called "The Hot Seat" or somesuch and to encourage people, when they get this private back & forth thing going that distracts from the OP, to just take it to the Hot Seat and work out their differences there. I think that would leave the OP thread cleaner and more valuable for either visitors, folks new to the whole concept & curious, or people who just want to soak up theory & practice rather than debate. I guess I question the value for the greater number in watching 2 or 3 strong personalities hash out their differences in public. By giving them a place to do that and allowing those people interested to go there and engage or follow along maybe everyone's needs could be met.
But overall I think the forum has much potential for both educating people new to the experience or acting as a sounding board for more experienced people who may have just come into a circumstance that is new to THEM and would call out for insights from others.

GS
 
How does writing on this forum affect your relationships?

Good thread, Mono! ;)

I find myself putting things in black and white, narrative confessional form, or just sort of yelling out into the Universe at all of you. I have told lots of people about this site. I don't really know who's reading and am not too worried about it. Feels good to hear and tell stories.

For me, there is always a conversation following any post that Charlie, CF, or I make. We write road maps for each other in our questions and reporting, sharing with you and each other, and it makes it easier to talk about things and focus. The feedback from others takes off the pressure and backs down our egos. Great way to start a conversation and a bounty of good information.

One positive/negative yin-yang aspect is that the three of us are all fantastic writers. We are the dreaded creative types. :) We get carried away with the spirit. We can accelerate from random to grandiose in the time it takes to craft a daring sentence with intriguing verbs.

Sometimes this results in misunderstandings or a feeling of being obligated to respond, and write to the others' posts, like an artistic collaboration. This leads us ahead of ourselves sometimes. It reveals the epiphany without having done the work.

-R
 
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In summary from my perspective:
Positives -

- The forum has given me an outlet for my self-analysis and by thinking about the issues of others I have been pushed to look at my own inner workings.
- The forum has also been a way of communicating with Redpepper as we discuss each other’s responses.
- Some people make a comment that indirectly answers questions I have but did not even identify yet!

Negatives -

- Sometimes I take on the issues of others and end up putting myself in their shoes so to speak. There is not a lot of poly dynamics I could be healthy in so this happened a lot LOL!!
- Sometimes Redpepper and I read too much into our responses or misinterpret each other which leads to a lot of discussion about non-issues.
- There have been times where I became so frustrated or disillusioned by the stories or ideas of others that I felt like surrendering. I forgot that although this is real life, this is not my life.
 
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I wish I had another forum name some days ;)

Mono and I have been here since "we" began almost. I doubt we would still be together if we did not have this place to come to... I am dedicated to it because of this and give as much as I receive.

PN and I don't have this place and I notice a marked difference in our relationship. He has taught me stuff in a different way and I him. We discuss things from here often and he is always fascinated, but the emotional turmoil he just cannot deal with if he is here.
 
I wish I had another forum name some days ;)

God, I understand that!
There are times when I just want to get some UNBIASED feedback on something I'm feeling/needing whatever-but I don't feel like I can do that because I'm too "well-known".
I imagine it's worse for both of you-cause you are so much more regular on here!

It's been good for me to find people that helped me not feel like I'm a total fuck-up.

It's been bad because like others have said, sometimes I take on other people's stories/situations as though they are my own.
 
I haven't posted much on here yet, but I do read a lot of the posts - and the biggest benefit of this forum for me is that I makes me feel as though I am not alone in choice to live an "alternative" lifestyle with my fiance and our fantastic girlfriend. Just knowing that there is a vast community of real people who I can fall back on for support, guidance and for reassurance that living my life the way I feel is right isn't "wrong" is a huge positive.
 
Old thread resurfaced - good !

I think this forum has grown and matured over the last couple years to a point it's making significant positive contributions.
I was just discussing this with a potential new member the other day - remarking how it's rare a day goes by that you don't see a big "thank gawd I found this place" post somewhere in some thread.
The Springer Effect seems to have pretty much disappeared - seems only a couple of spaniels left in the pen. And hell - we all need a little amusement and relief from the struggles sometimes.

GS
 
This forum has helped me a lot. Basically it just showed me that I should relax and see where any given situation was going before I overreacted.
Although as a mono I neither advocate nor denigrate poly as a lifestyle (We are just trying to live our life) I have felt a sense of community here.
I have been able to give back some support for a couple of other people off forum (who contacted me) who are in the same situation. That's enough for me.
 
I forgot one:

The feeling of being told on to the world, in a good or bad way, but one that pushes privacy, even if I am the initiator.

Itchy trigger finger. The camaraderie I receive from folks on here causes me to over-share at times. It's certainly not uncommon for members to want to take something back.

Been thinking a lot about distinguishing between what is felt right now and what has been decided and won with free will.

-R

P.S. I really like this conversation.
 
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Itchy trigger finger. The camaraderie I receive from folks on here causes me to over-share at times. It's certainly not uncommon for members to want to take something back.
I have thought about this too. I share just about everything. The stuff I don't I talk to people outside the forum about. I don't regret a thing. Even the stuff that I say and it has caused drama I don't regret. I figure that I have brought something to light that others will or do struggle with so I ama sacrificial lamb sometimes for others.

I prefer vulnerable people on here though and its what I like about myself too. I do get how sometimes stuff is just too vulnerable because often people hold stuff I said ages ago as my truth now and it isn't. I move on. Also emotions make me say shit in the moment that is left for all eternaty. That sucks sometimes, but I still think its helpful to see my journey and to see where I am now. Somewhere along the line it will help someone.
 
This forum has been a life saver to me when it comes to polyamory. I had read lots and lots of books and articles on it....but this forum gave me exposure and information about poly from those who are living it, or considering living it. That has been invaluable. It's not like I can find lots of role models in the world or discuss it with most of my friends and/or family members like I could a mono relationship.
 
This forum has certainly helped me a lot. At times I find it difficult to be a witness to so much struggle...At times, it hurts me to think there are so many people here struggling and having difficult times.

It helps me to actually look up the definition of struggle and examples.

Struggle;
- to exert strenuous effort against opposition; "he struggled to get free from the rope"
- an energetic attempt to achieve something; "getting through the crowd was a real struggle"; "he fought a battle for recognition"
- to make great efforts or attempts; strive; labor


And then I feel calmed as I'm reminded struggle is also a good thing :)
 
I really like this forum. In my first post I said it felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff with the fresh clean wind blowing in my face and that remains true to this day. I think there should be some kind of banner disclaimer on the front page saying words to the effect:
WARNING: Reading the printed word without voice and body mannerisms can lead to miscommunication!!! Please someone invent a qwerty keyboard with built in emoticons.
I really value the insights and comments of all the members and the senior members have done an excellent job of keeping the forum focused on staying open minded and fair. Personality conflicts are almost inevitable but imho I think the mod’s and senior members have been good about reminding people that we are all entitled to our own opinions and to keep personal attacks at bay. Keeping in mind that this forum is dealing with one of the most emotionally charged topics of human behaviour I think the forum has done fantastic. Among my many personal flaws is a tendency to over think things and also to get tunnel vision and see my own viewpoint as the only valid one. Input from the members here usually puts that nonsense to an end fairly quick. :)
We are very isolated here physically as well as we do not fit the usual demographic for Poly people. Okay...that is just a “small” generalization and I apologize but I did not know how else to phrase it. Finding someone to share and learn about Poly has been an almost impossible task here so the forum fills a huge void for me. The Poly groups I found are either dead in the water or seem intent that everyone must “go public” and join media surveys, university thesis papers or parades downtown.
I would love to be able to sit around in a group of Poly people and drink some coffee and share stories etc face to face and perhaps make some lifelong friends that “get it” but the distances tend to be huge and lives tend to be busy. Many years ago there used to be Chat rooms on MSN and sometimes I wonder if a live private chat room within this forum might provide some more intimate contact and sharing that some people appear to desire. It also might be a can of worms no one wants to open. I suppose there are always e-mail and/or messenger for those who want to communicate in a bit more private setting.
So thank you to the mod.’s for the Poly forum and to all those who contribute and help keep it “alive”.
I would feel a bit lost without it now.
IThink.​
 
Ithink-
great post. ;)
Private messaging works well for many of us and there are those of us who talk on facebook or through email as well. ;)

But-I do see your point in the possiiblity of having a chat room.
 
One suggestion I have is to make viewing and posting in the forums require the viewer to be registered. Have unregistered forums for site intro and rules for posting, then make all registration, and registered forum info hidden from the websearch world.

Just a thought.

This sort of request would perhaps make more sense if people in the fora were required to use their actual name, but since most all of us are using pseudonyms there seems little need to protect privacy by hiding behind a search engine / topic search firewall. What is the concern behind this request?

I find search engine accessibility here useful to the fora in various ways. But I'm certainly open to a discussion on the matter (as a former and early moderator / administrator on the site).
 
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