i skipped over most the entire thread after the first page
i don't get the concern about focusing on condom use.
why is everyone so self-concious about it ?
why do people take it to be such a personal attack ?
why is it so personal "you don't trust me?" instead of "maybe you do, maybe i do, maybe it's just because to ease both of your minds so no one has to worry about the possibilities and just get down to enjoying each other" the unspoken consideration because no one wants to be called out on what they may or may not have. and instead of making it an issue, just play it safe, ... if no one has anything fine, then there's nothing to worry about, it's just habit, one of those "we just met, here's the bedroom, here's the bed, here's my body, here's a condom, ... now we can get to enjoying each other, the feel, the warmth, the closeness, the intense passion"
why make it a issue or think of it like a personal attack ?
i am 99% sure i don't have anything, but 1%, ... that's a huge number. so it's nothing against me, and i'm not bringing it up to say 'well i don't think your safe', just something to think about as 'you don't know who else i've been with' so to ease your mind, we don't have to question what either of us has or doesn't have.
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personally, i've only got one lady i'm with.
and she is very safe about insisting the people she's with wear a condom, it's not an affront to say "i don't trust you", it's "just to make sure"
because it gets really scary if one person refuses to wear a condom, and he's seeing other people without a condom, and they're seeing other people without a condom, ... testing every 6mo, or testing every 3mo, ... how safe are you if 2 weeks after you get tested the other person didn't know they have something ? because they were tested a month before and it came up clean.
so it's not about trust, but thinking about it as "with this here rubber i hope to ease your conscious that things are going to be alright"
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i see lots on these poly forums about insecurities being issues the person who is insecure needs to get over and deal with. having something isn't an insecurity, being insulted when no one said anything, nothing was implied, and no reason was given, ... that sounds like a huge insecurity to me.