PixieKitten
New member
Hi. Newbee here, though not new to poly. Just this situation is different and I just need advice on how to handle it.
I have a connection with an amazing guy. Friendship and mutual interest for years, then things became more intimate a few months ago. We are crazy about each other. Thing is, he lives over 900 kms away from me. But hey, this is the day of internet apps like skype and txting, so we can still connect and we do daily. We fool around on line too. And when we have been around each other in RL, the chemistry is there and not just sexual - we are close friends and are on the same page about some very fundamental things in life. So I have no doubt that this is based on something real and solid. If we weren't so far apart I have no doubt that we would be just doing our thing together.
So here's the thing. I'm one of 3 which isn't an issue in itself - as I've said this isn't the first poly situation I've been in. But in my previous situations, there wasn't this distance. And that is kicking me in the guts because that isn't a hurdle that the other connections in this situation face. One woman is in the same town as him, the other is a short cheap plane trip away. Also, unlike the other women, I have solo care of my kids so can't just jump on a plane when ever I feel the need. He also has job commitments which limit his free time, plus my town isn't a main centre so travelling to it is horrendously expensive. I'm finding this hard. Really really hard.
I keep trying to think about how this situation would work if we were trad mono. I do think the poly dynamic does make things different. He has others in his life that are equally important to him as I am, and so those relationships need to also be respected. This isn't jealousy of the others as such, in that I actually don't feel any less valued/wanted/respected... I have no issue with these other relationships in the "hands off my man" sense. But I am scared. I'm scared that simply because of the distance and limitations, that even though we are both mad crazy about each other (and it seems to be getting stronger even after 8 months since things first started), I'm scared that distance will actually be what breaks this. He simply gets to spend more time physically with the others, and so there is an intimacy building in those relationships that we're just not getting a chance to build in ours. It's also hard to not feel envious of that time he gets to physically spend with the other two, which is just not fair to anyone. I don't want to feel negative towards the others at all, they are both fantastic wonderful women.
So yeah. Advice? Anyone else been in this sort of situation, and how did you deal with it? And yes, I have talked about this with him.
I have a connection with an amazing guy. Friendship and mutual interest for years, then things became more intimate a few months ago. We are crazy about each other. Thing is, he lives over 900 kms away from me. But hey, this is the day of internet apps like skype and txting, so we can still connect and we do daily. We fool around on line too. And when we have been around each other in RL, the chemistry is there and not just sexual - we are close friends and are on the same page about some very fundamental things in life. So I have no doubt that this is based on something real and solid. If we weren't so far apart I have no doubt that we would be just doing our thing together.
So here's the thing. I'm one of 3 which isn't an issue in itself - as I've said this isn't the first poly situation I've been in. But in my previous situations, there wasn't this distance. And that is kicking me in the guts because that isn't a hurdle that the other connections in this situation face. One woman is in the same town as him, the other is a short cheap plane trip away. Also, unlike the other women, I have solo care of my kids so can't just jump on a plane when ever I feel the need. He also has job commitments which limit his free time, plus my town isn't a main centre so travelling to it is horrendously expensive. I'm finding this hard. Really really hard.
I keep trying to think about how this situation would work if we were trad mono. I do think the poly dynamic does make things different. He has others in his life that are equally important to him as I am, and so those relationships need to also be respected. This isn't jealousy of the others as such, in that I actually don't feel any less valued/wanted/respected... I have no issue with these other relationships in the "hands off my man" sense. But I am scared. I'm scared that simply because of the distance and limitations, that even though we are both mad crazy about each other (and it seems to be getting stronger even after 8 months since things first started), I'm scared that distance will actually be what breaks this. He simply gets to spend more time physically with the others, and so there is an intimacy building in those relationships that we're just not getting a chance to build in ours. It's also hard to not feel envious of that time he gets to physically spend with the other two, which is just not fair to anyone. I don't want to feel negative towards the others at all, they are both fantastic wonderful women.
So yeah. Advice? Anyone else been in this sort of situation, and how did you deal with it? And yes, I have talked about this with him.
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