Redpepper's journey

Wow! That is so great to hear! So happy for you guys, to have all come such a long way!

It gives me hope.
 
I was at Mono's house last night, my OH (other home). PN called me at about 7 and told me that the boy had cut his head having stood up and hit it on the cupboard door in the kitchen. He was bleeding all over and scared. PN wanted to know what he should do about a bandaid as they wouldn't stick to his hair. I suggested a compress and that he wear his touque to bed for the night to keep it on. I suggested that he talk to Derby as she is a nurse. When I got off the phone I texted Derby and she called PN. She told him to wake him up at 10 to see if he was okay and didn't have a concussion. She agreed that he shouldn't have a shower to wash blood off but should wait until morning and pat it off with a wet cloth.

After the emergency was over I crumbled inside, as I do in emergencies. I had asked over and over if I should come home, but PN and the boy kept saying no. I HATE being across the city in these situations. I HATE it. It tears me up inside and I feel like a horrible mother. Very irresponsible to be away when my boy needs me.

This is one of the reasons that I have been advocating for Mono to move in. In a couple of weeks I will be just downstairs and can come up as soon as something happens. I will feel much better about that.
 
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That is always a hard situation. Don't be too hard on yourself, it happens to all of us. It also gave PN the chance to be the hero to your boy.
 
That is always a hard situation. Don't be too hard on yourself, it happens to all of us. It also gave PN the chance to be the hero to your boy.

Yes it did. He did a really good job of staying calm and light about the whole thing, something he has really worked on since we have had a child. He used to freak out and I was the calm one.

Derby rocks my world, I must say. I don't talk about her much, as we don't get to see each other often, but I have to say that I am very fortunate to have such a woman love me. She is smart, giving, generous, kind, beautiful and fun-loving. I just adore her. She was my hero last night. Thanks for coming to the rescue, sweets. We all appreciate you. :)
 
Derby rocks my world I must say. I don't talk about her much as we don't get to see each other often, but I have to say that I am a very fortunate woman to have such a woman love me. She is smart, giving, generous, kind, beautiful and fun loving. I just adore her. She was my hero last night. Thanks for coming to the rescue sweets. We all appreciate you :)

Aww thanks :eek: How is your boy this morning? I bet he's full of stories to tell his classmates about the blood. (well if he's anything like my boy anyway). I'm glad I could help.
 
Had to repost this :)
One of the biggest gifts I ever got was from Mono about how he sees my body and sexuality. He told me when I met him, after a long haul of casual sex, swinging and dating many, many men, that I was a temple to him, that the privilege of being able to put his skin on mine was breathtaking and he was more than honoured. He said he was sad that I didn't treat myself with the same respect.
.........

That is what won my heart to Mono. It was enough to change my entire life to welcome him in it. I would do that for no other, unless they treat me better. The bar is VERY high now, unreachable, I think.
 
I was at Mono's house last night, my OH (other home). PN called me at about 7 and told me that the boy had cut his head having stood up and hit it on the cupboard door in the kitchen. He was bleeding all over and scared. PN wanted to know what he should do about a bandaid as they wouldn't stick to his hair. I suggested a compress and that he wear his touque to bed for the night to keep it on. I suggested that he talk to Derby as she is a nurse. When I got off the phone I texted Derby and she called PN. She told him to wake him up at 10 to see if he was okay and didn't have a concussion. She agreed that he shouldn't have a shower to wash blood off but should wait until morning and pat it off with a wet cloth.

I'm glad he didn't require stitches. One of mine did. Their dad, instead of calling me, took them to daycare and asked what he should do. They told him to take him to the ER. He did. I think he was proud of himself that day. I, on the other hand, was livid! He didn't call me! Mom! I'm supposed to be there for that kind of thing!

Any way, give the boy a big hug & kiss, maybe a picture or two for future referrence (so he can feel all cool again down the road, lol) and send him off to school so he can wow his friends with how totally cool he is, lol.
 
I am writing thoughts that have come up from this link about multi-partner cohabitation that Mono started long ago and has now started writing on again at post #49.
I'm going to try to be as honest as possible in sharing my thoughts because I believe this is a golden opportunity for others to share in the process :)
Okay, Mono is taking the total honesty approach with this thread so as to really let everyone know what it is like as we go through this. So I will chime in.

I'm struggling with my NRE again. I am so exited I find it difficult to be interested in PN. I love him and know this will pass, but thought I would mention it. I think it's because he doesn't participate in stuff. And this is no different. He is, by nature, very self-involved and doesn't notice anything that doesn't directly influence what will happen for him. He never has. I have had to tell him every step of the way what I think and feel so he can be empathetic. It's not that he is unfeeling. He's just not very good at reading people, especially me.

With this situation, I feel a disconnect because of who he is. I get fed up with always having to be on top of stuff to let him in on. And when I have too much going on, it slips from me. I am having a huge need to cocoon, now that I have my room and I don't feel like keeping him on top of where I am at. I want him to do it, but he doesn't/can't/won't. I know I have to, or we just won't stay connected.

Put NRE on top of it and I'm left REALLY struggling.

Mono is the opposite of PN in many ways, and one is his attention to me. He notices when I am going through stuff and seems to know how to be with it. I don't feel I have to make some huge effort and don't feel its like wading through a quagmire to get to the root of things. Maybe it's because we are relatively new to each other? PN didn't struggle before. Well, before our child, that is. :rolleyes:

To be completely honest, I would be quite fine locking ourselves into the apartment for a week and having all our meals delivered so we could get about living there... and stuff. :D

Not to be. Damned responsibilities.

I know this will shift. It always does. I go back and forth all the time on stuff. Ny energy shifts from one to the other, but because of my NRE (new new relationship energy ;)) I am a little impatient and irritated that I can't just have my own way and everyone else just suck it up! :cool::D
 
I'm glad he didn't require stitches. One of mine did. Their dad, instead of calling me, took them to daycare and asked what he should do. They told him to take him to the ER. He did. I think he was proud of himself that day. I, on the other hand, was livid! He didn't call me! Mom! I'm supposed to be there for that kind of thing!

Any way, give the boy a big hug & kiss, maybe a picture or two for future reference (so he can feel all cool again down the road, lol) and send him off to school so he can wow his friends with how totally cool he is, lol.

ha! the second paragraph is so true... he was all cool until he banged his funny bone on the table today and was yelling about there being blood. He was okay when he found that there was none, but kept the cry on for a bit, just for good measure.
 
ha! the second paragraph is so true... he was all cool until he banged his funny bone on the table today and was yelling about there being blood. He was okay when he found that there was none, but kept the cry on for a bit, just for good measure.

OUCH! Hitting the funny bone can take the wind out of anyone's sails!

I'm glad he's ok though.
 
I'm struggling with my NRE again. I am so excited I find it difficult to be interested in PN. I love him and know this will pass, but thought I would mention it.

I find this is happening with me right now as well. I'm having to consiously remind Breathes that I love him & force myself away from the computer where I've usually got Possibility in chat & mostly ignore the chyme from my cell when a text arrives. Really all I have to do is tell Possibility that I'm going to spend some time with Breathes & he's awesome with it.

I think it's because he doesn't participate in stuff and this is no different. He is, by nature, very self involved and doesn't notice anything that doesn't directly influence what will happen for him. He never has. I have had to tell him every step of the way what I think and feel so he can be empathetic. It's not that he is unfeeling, just not very good at reading people, and especially me.

With this situation I feel a disconnect because of who he is. I get fed up with always having to be on top of stuff to let him in on and when I have too much going on it slips from me. I am having a huge need to cocoon now that I have my room and I don't feel like keeping him on top of where I am at. I want him to do it... but he doesn't/can't/won't. I know I have to or we just won't stay connected.

Do the two of you have a set date night each week? Ours is Sunday. That's the evening we use to reconnect, talk, play, cuddle, whatever we feel like doing. One night a month we make an effort to actually go out of the house for our dates, too.

Do you have a book or list posted some where where everyone can see it so they will remember what they have to do that day? With how busy you are I'm betting you do. I'm not talking google calendar here (I LOVE google calendar), I'm talking a physical book or paper in a physical place. Maybe on the weekend you could make up a list of things going on for the next week & put it in a place where PN will see it every single day, preferrably at the same time, so he will be reminded that school council is meeting, or he needs to pick up the child from a friend's or that it's your night with Mono, etc. If you need some unexpected alone time you could tell him then leave a reminder on the front door (or where ever he'll see it when he needs you) so he knows that all he has to do is go downstairs or call or what have you.


NRE bites a lot of the time, lol, & not the good kind of bite!:(

You've had so much going on lately I'm not surprised you have the need to cocoon feeling happening.
 
Great posts, love. I'll do my best to keep an eye on your NRE. I'm having my own NRE, with being closer and knowing you are right there. You can rest assured I will check in with you and PN lots. Your connection with him is vital to the purity of my connection with you.

Less than two weeks and no more driving across the city at night or itching to get to my own space :)
 
Thanks, breathesgirl. We do a lot of that already. I wrote about it earlier on my blog. I think I am just fed up with the routine. He is a part of that. Even dates can become routine. I just want alone time in my room. ;)

Mono, I intend to wrap you in NRE tonight. I can let it alllllll out!
 
Thanks breathesgirl we do a lot of that already. I wrote about it earlier I my blog. I think I am just fed up with the routine. He is a part of that. Even dates can become routine. I just want alone time in my room. ;)

Mono, intend to wrap you in NRE tonight. I can let it alllllll out!

*rubbing hands together*

Ohhh goody goody :D I've been a good boy, but also a bad boy, just so you know. ;)
 
I must remember to write about how I feel about Mono's affair and where we are at now. I'm feeling hurt again today in light of the fact that he has gone to his other family's house and they don't acknowledge me.
 
not get out of control with my anger like that. I figured out with his help that I didn't like being cornered, didn't like being approached about stuff that I am uninterested in in the morning and that I really needed him to just empathize. :

Hi Redpepper,

I know this is quoted from an old post but I came across it browsing and realised just how much this is my wife.
However our dynamic is completely different because I don't react the same way PN does. Usually it will be me that triggers off her anger because it is me that is trying to pin her down and corner her about something.
I have learned to tell her that I am going to want to talk about something, but then back completely off the subject and leave it for her to bring back to me in her own time.
It took me years to work that out.
 
must remember to write about how I feel about Mono's affair and where we are at now... feeling hurt again today in light of the fact that he has gone to his other families house and they don't acknowledge me.

It's unfortunate that you can't make people aknowlege and respect your relationship. I know that Mono doesn't pretend that you don't exist while he's with them though. Maybe they'll come around, and maybe they won't, but you still have an awful lot of people who love you just as you are. :D
 
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