SlowPoly
Active member
He doesn't know how to approach her because she seems unwilling to compromise. In my opinion from seeing how things have gone down over the last year and a half, when she expresses her unhappiness with something, he'll do just about anything to make it right, she always ends up getting what she wants, to some varying degree. I feel that's what she's trying to pull this time to, and he is again, just playing right into her hands. I've expressed all of this to him as well.
If he shows no sign of changing this pattern, why are you expecting otherwise?
I'm willing to compromise, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness just so she can be happy!
. . .
I will say that after I left here for those 9 days, she didn't want me to come back, she just wanted her life back, but he wanted me back and I'm here.
If she doesn't want you there, but let you stay, is that not compromise? And is it at all satisfying? Maybe this hollow kind of compromise is happening too much here. So maybe she's willing to compromise, but not to sacrifice her happiness just so you and her husband can be happy. And it sounds like his happiness depends on more than just his relationship with you -- he also wants her to be content with things.
We all have limits. Sometimes they don't allow for a relationship where we can all get our needs met. It may be time to back off and see if this relationship can meet your needs without you being in what even he describes as "her" home.
Poly is a lot of things, and people are all different. But you definitely should not try it again if you don't want to. Not even as a compromise.I seriously think after this experience, even though I see all of the benefits to poly, I could never try this again.