Poly Nightmare

He doesn't know how to approach her because she seems unwilling to compromise. In my opinion from seeing how things have gone down over the last year and a half, when she expresses her unhappiness with something, he'll do just about anything to make it right, she always ends up getting what she wants, to some varying degree. I feel that's what she's trying to pull this time to, and he is again, just playing right into her hands. I've expressed all of this to him as well.

If he shows no sign of changing this pattern, why are you expecting otherwise?

I'm willing to compromise, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness just so she can be happy!
. . .
I will say that after I left here for those 9 days, she didn't want me to come back, she just wanted her life back, but he wanted me back and I'm here.

If she doesn't want you there, but let you stay, is that not compromise? And is it at all satisfying? Maybe this hollow kind of compromise is happening too much here. So maybe she's willing to compromise, but not to sacrifice her happiness just so you and her husband can be happy. And it sounds like his happiness depends on more than just his relationship with you -- he also wants her to be content with things.

We all have limits. Sometimes they don't allow for a relationship where we can all get our needs met. It may be time to back off and see if this relationship can meet your needs without you being in what even he describes as "her" home.

I seriously think after this experience, even though I see all of the benefits to poly, I could never try this again.
Poly is a lot of things, and people are all different. But you definitely should not try it again if you don't want to. Not even as a compromise.
 
I just wanted to post a quick update.

I did talk to K about all of this, and what KC43 said really hit home. How he wasn't really taking ownership of his feelings, and how he wasn't standing up for our relationship. So he talked to her and told her how much I meant to her, and she listened, took it all in and then came and talked to me.

We had a good talk and she wants things to work out. She wants us to get our friendship back and she wants me to continue the relationship with K, she's happy that I make him so happy, she's just having a really hard time adjusting (as am I) because they've never really done anything this serious before.

I told her I'm willing to get my own place, so she can still have her home, but that I still want to see him, and she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said that she doesn't want me to go anywhere.

We still have a lot to work on, and I'm still not sure what I'm going to do in regards to where I'm going to live, but I want to thank you all for your feedback, it really helped me approach K, and explain my feelings in a different way, that he really seemed to understand :)
 
Glad you were able to talk. Could visit that poly hell article together.

As you keep talking to brainstorm solutions....

Consider that you can still move out and move back in at a later date. Take the pressure off.

Or...Live there on the weekends but not during the week. YKWIM?

REDUCE this stress stuff.

Hang in there!
Galagirl
 
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