Thanks NK, took the words out of my mouth
Yup.What did I say? Is it the link to the Communication Workshop thread?
Please don't take offense, I was just wondering if I read this correctly-because it sounds like you are saying you don't like to take the first step, but you are upset with her because she doesn't like to take the first step either?Ok so I will admit that I am not very vocal with her and my feelings...mainly because I am scared. I am scared to overly express how I feel and it not be returned. This is not new though. I have continously struggled with my husband and our gf's feelings for each other. He has been very out loud with how he feels for her which I understand but because of that she has in return become very confident in how he feels for her and she expresses how she feels for him also. I get that him being a man takes the lead with expression thus allowing a woman to do the same. I have struggled with how can I get her to express to me how she feels when I feel that she needs me to express to her before she will express to me and I don't like that. I dont like the feeling of her not doing something unless she has a certain level of confidence that it will be a success. She doesn't take chances. I have tried to not even look at their affection level but its hard when its in front of my face and I'm not getting the same though I have made efforts and I voice what I want specifically from her it just makes it hard when I don't get the same in return.
Amen! She does try to speak up sometimes but she waits till she is @ the end of her rope and that doesn't make for cohesive communication. I internalize which isn't inclusive toward my partners which is also something to be worked on.... it has taken me 4 days of reading all these posts to even find a thought of mine I deem worth saying outloud. The concentration of our poly commitment has for so long been centered around doing and saying and showing and proving all that is centered around all that my gf needs (wifey). I have gotten out of the practice of self centered thinking that I am not even sure how to do that constructivly or that my gf is in the right place for me to unreservingly communicate my needs, thoughts, feelings and emotions like she has been claiming to need in all her posts because we are still in a wifey centric practice in this poly relationship of which I am bottom totum. Berhaps I feel expressing my inner workings deserves fairness not prominate in out relationships dynamic @ this time.
While one can appreciate others putting their wants and needs second at some point when you start to feel you're at the bottom of the totem pole it's noone else's fault but your own if you choose not to express it. I've expressed many times to know your wants and needs and I guess its my fault if I still don't know. We keep trying but perhaps we aren't giving what the other actually needs and just what we think they need. Sometimes I feel like we need a chart or someone to take notes and create a list. Still at a loss...