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Old 12-02-2012, 03:41 PM
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PolyLinguist PolyLinguist is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 49
Question Mono is a feature not a bug

Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against being poly. Anyone out there wanting to try me for a possible poly relationship - long-term, temporary, whatever, just drop me a line. I am smart, interesting, not even that bad-looking, just ask my wife.

Nevertheless, now that I have been "out" as a poly for about half a year, reading the literature, going to poly events, I have started to reflect.

How will this actually happen? Why would someone actually choose me as a poly companion? In my single days, way back when, I wasn't that successful - I was too intellectual, too serious, and - for some - too unconventional. It took me quite a bit of effort to find the right kind of female company.

But when I did find someone suitable, I knew I had a trump card. My trump card was being single, sane and solvent. I could jump into a relationship with no baggage, and had the wherewithal to participate in it 100%. Not for me the lack of willingness to "commit". Marriage, children, bring it on, I'll give it my best.

But I don't have that trump card any more - I am married. My wife loves me dearly (and I her), and has no problem with me becoming poly. But why would someone else wish to be with me? There are plenty of men to choose from out there: there are the charmers, the soulful ones, the ones with sexy hobbies (sailing, glacier skiing, whatever), the ones who really know their wines and their whiskey, not to mention the ones richer and just plain better-looking (and younger!).

I know I have enough to offer in a mono world. Hey, my father (with many of the same virtues) remarried, very happily, at 72. But are my virtues sufficient in a poly world?

Just some of my thoughts. Any comments?
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dating, mono, poly

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