How do you feel about dating one person one day and another the next?

valelapena

New member
Sounds like a stupid question on a poly site, but I'm serious.

Do you wait a day between dates? Do you date any/all days? Do you do anything special to clear your mind of one person before spending time with another?

I'm struggling with having spent an amazing weekend with one partner + returning home only to be invited to go to a poly pool party with another (a party I've been to several times) because I feel weird leaping from one partner to another.

Any thoughts/advice/ techniques you care to share would be much appreciated.
 
Oh, I have no problem with that. I would hardly call seeing someone else the next day "leaping from one to another." I've had dates with two different people in the same day and I know lots of people here have done that, too.

Some folks just need some time to regroup. For example, many people who have a partner at home take some time by themselves after a date, or ask their partners to give them space when they come home so that they're not overwhelmed or feeling distracted. You'll figure out what's comfortable for you, eventually.

Take a chance and go to the party! The only way you will know what makes you uncomfortable is to test it out.
 
Do you do anything special to clear your mind of one person before spending time with another?

A shower can be good ;) In fact, I wouldn't feel right not having a shower if the circumstances were such that bodily fluids had been exchanged.*

But as for clearing my mind, I don't feel the need to do that precisely. I focus on being present with each person I'm with when I'm with them. Sometimes a good way to do that is to listen, not talk. In fact, engaging all 5 senses with the person you are now with is a good way to be present with them. This doesn't have to be overt.

So as for the pool party, ask yourself if you actually want to go. If no, because your weekend was so amazing you want to bask in the memory for another day or two, then don't go. If you want to go because you actually just want to go hang out in the pool and be with your other partner and friends, then go. And be *with* them, you can always come home later and let your mind wander back to your amazing weekend again when you are alone.


*ok, there are potential exceptions to every rule, but I suspect that would be pushing the boundaries of the OP's original query just a little far.
 
I've had multiple dates in one day, with no negative side effects. Lol

I have two husbands and a boyfriend, and certainly I go back and forth between them all the time within the span of a day - wake up next to one, lunch with the other, afternoon appointment with one, dinner all together, date night with my boyfriend, sleepover with a different guy. It's actually not all that difficult for me.

Our sex lives are all separate, and I do sometimes need time to cleanse myself of the energy between me and another before climbing in bed with someone else. My husband PunkRock actually asked for at least an hour separation. A shower helps me regroup, and I really try to focus on being present with each guy, and not still focusing on another.

At first I was worried about being able to turn on and off between relationships, but in practice it isn't really like a switch. It's more like taking my happiness and just continuing that positive narrative and carrying it with me all day.
 
For me, it varies. I do feel a need to regroup often. The energy of one person is still on me and in me, and sometimes I just need to lie on the couch and think about them for an hour or two after an intense date with lots of athletic sex.

I would maybe like even more time to "bask in the memory" sometimes, but I live with my primary, so she's usually here in our house after my bf leaves.

Other times, I feel energized by my date and still feel sexual, and I go to her and we have sexy time and snuggle and reconnect almost right away!

One ex I had used to spend the night at my place, before miss pixi and I got a house together, and she would often be there. This guy was always in bed in my guest room by 10 to sleep. I would kind of tuck him in (or fuck him in lol) and then go out to the living room and snuggle and watch TV with pixi for an hour or so. Sometimes I'd get in bed with the bf then, or with her (he didn't mind since he was a really deep sleeper).

She's got a steady bf too nowadays, and spends overnights with him. Often I try to give her a little space when she gets home. We may be in the same room, but not talk much, if she seem pensive. Other times she is excited to tell me all about it. We joke about "fluffing" each other sexually before one or the other of us sees our boys, but sometimes the boys are fluffers for her and me, really! It's just a flow.

I usually don't like to go on a date (or have sex) with 2 men in one day. Especially if they are newe relationships, where we are still getting to know each other, I find it too hard to be present for the 2nd date. But it happens sometimes. I've even triple dipped, had sex with 2 guys and then my gf all in 24 hours! Too much of a good thing perhaps, but I hate to turn down the opportunity for hot sex. :p :eek: :rolleyes:
 
I live with my two main guys so I tend to vacillate between the two of them at a high frequency. The other men that I tend to hook-up with (kissing and fondling - not sex) - generally would be at a friend-group thing so the boys are around, and I don't have any trouble picking up the vacillation when I am done.

The boys don't mind the smell of other girls on me - so that isn't an issue. I would happily shower with one or the other of the boys before switching off, but it is not an issue for either of them

************

The times that I need time/space to transition are a.) after waking up - give me caffeine and nicotine and NO TALKING, and b.) getting home from work - give me PJs and a beer and NO TALKING. MrS knows this and Dude is learning. Each of these transitions takes about an hour.

The boys don't need the same transition time that I do BUT I also like a "re-connection" time if they have been off with someone else (or away from home for an extending period). Luckily, I can ask either of them for some "cuddle-talk" at any point they are home so...
 
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A week has seven days and I have two husbands and a FWB. Sometime I've multiple dates in one day :)
 
It doesn't bother me. I've had several dates in one day before. It also doesn't bother me knowing a partner had a date earlier or was going on a date later.
 
Haven't had a problem with it. I do shower between dates if there was any kind of sex or serious touching involved.

It's only happened once or twice, though once memorably, I saw all three of the guys I was dating in one day. One of them had spent the night and we had morning sex/brunch together. I was spending the night with Jon I, but not getting to his place until around 9 at night, because of his work schedule. Then I saw a lovely FWB between the two guys because he just happened to be in my area and had a few hours to spare (he was a more long-distance FWB, and sometimes got diverted by work to my area at the last minute).

In that case, all three of the men I was dating were very poly positive. I'd told Jon (who knew that another guy I was dating was spending the night before about my place) about FWB guy also being around and he was joking around about how if we tried to have sex that night, they're be a "closed for repairs" sign pasted over my crotch. :)
 
It depends on my mood at the time, really. I'm an introvert who needs a lot of space, so I couldn't imagine having two dates in less than 24 hours. And sometimes when I start a new connection, especially the first time we have sex, I need a bit of a breather before I reconnect with my partner at home - kind of like processing the exchange with one person before being able to open up to another. Back when I was single (and younger!), I had a lot more energy to run around though ;)
 
I live with Hubby, so obviously I see him on the same days I see Woody. Tomorrow seems odd to me because I'm with Woody overnight tonight, and then Stella is coming over around the time I usually go home.
 
I know that some people have trouble quickly transitioning from one partner to another. It just depends on the individual and their personality.
 
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