Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

I dunno. I can still count on two hands the number of sex partners I have had in my life though. M was the only one who could go for hours without losing steam. We will see, I suppose! That isn't exactly a large sample size. lol

B messaged with me some today - he will be back from his holiday trip on Sunday. He wanted to let me know. Ok.

C3 reappeared today too, and reinstated the Monday get together. He then messaged me and said he wanted to talk with me then. Ok.

He had re-invited M, and M clicked that he would be attending, so I messaged M to ask what was up with that. Because he had told me he wouldn't attend. He said it was an accident, that he wasn't going, but he WAS invited. Sigh. I told him I would prefer if he let me be, because I don't want to spend that day crying in my van after the long drive it takes to get to the game shop. I also let him know that I prolly would be ok, but to seriously not be a jerk about it. He didn't respond. I have no idea why he would show up to just upset me. I didn't think he was the type, and I hope I am not wrong. I told him I should be ok by the middle of next week, but to please just give me a little time before showing up where we would have to interact. What would be his motivation? Ugh.
 
Gah! C3 cancelled the game event again for tomorrow, well, I guess for today, since it is after midnight at the moment. We had another chat on IM and that went well. He is still full of anxiety and I think I am going to put all hopes with him to rest. I mean, I had pretty much already, but I really can't deal with another guy with anxiety, much less a guy with crazy anxiety. At least M's was fairly manageable. C3 is all over the place with his emotions.

A wrote me today one of the most romantic texts - just describing a moonlit kayak trip he took last night. He set me all a-quiver!

OKC was blowing up for me again today too, lots of good conversations with guys who seem legitimately interested in a relationship. I might have a dinner date for tomorrow night. We will see.

I had plans to maybe go play trivia last night with C2 - not that I wanted to see him, but my other friend. That seemed less and less what I wanted as the time grew closer, so I asked my husband for a date and we and saw The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Wow, it was a great movie! My husband kept rubbing my arm and kissing me - I have never been more in love! Afterwards we went to grab a quick snack before heading home and we had some good talk about M, and me being poly. He did he is very happy for me to be poly, even though it has failed so far in giving me the peace I am wanting. He is optimistic though, and so am I. :)

Earlier I listened to some sad music to see if I could get myself to cry, because I feel that until I get the negative emotions out, I won't fully be able to move past M. However, nothing I listened to could seem to make it happen. So, I don't know what to do. I get teary every now and then but then I am right back into my life and I move on with whatever I am doing.
 
So I ended up going to the game store after all today. C3 messaged me to please come, so I did. He was really strange again - flirting wih me and then acting distant. He gave me this hug when I walked in - holy shit even during sex I've never been hugged like that. Incredible. He brought the game I had wanted to play and 6 of us played it and I ended up winning it for my team. Awesomesauce.

C was there today as well. He bought me lunch and we talked a little bit. I think he wanted me to go home with him but he didn't come out with it, so I didn't. I wouldn't have anyway - I don't want any more partners at the moment, even if I've been with him before.

I left later and met up with a guy from OKC for dinner. He was strange. We will call him X. Anyway, X was nice enough and we ate a really nice restaurant. I paid for myself though. I don't think I will see him again - he was short, had large ears and was just not my physical type at all. He had been in poly relationships on and off for the past 10 years and is currently single, but I just wasn't into him much. He lives an hour drive away, which isn't horrible. Toward the end of the date, he was much more animated and interesting. I liked him better. He got a hug.

What else? While at the game store, someone came in and was talking to peeps. I saw him checking me out. It was notable because he was wearing a full suit! I didn't think anything of it, because guys check me out all the time. Anyway, he friended me on Facebook tonight. I am told he works nights at the store. His Facebook doesn't have any pics of himself though, which I find weird.

C3 messaged me for like an hour just now, after I got home from my date. He told me again that me being married was a deal breaker. It is clear he is into me, so I flirted with him shamelessly over IM. He gave it back, but I am certain that it will go nowhere. He is telling me the truth - he isn't poly and the thought of me being married makes it a nonstarter. Too bad. I would cuddle him so hard!

Oh, A also messaged me today. He is back from his trip and wants to see me on Thursday.
 
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I had a super fun New Year's Eve. I host a party every year for children and this time through I had 40 kiddos in my house. It was a ton of fun but my sleep schedule is all wonky, because they were at my place from 6 pm til 10 am the next morning.

C3 messaged me Happy New Year shortly after all the kids left and asked me if I was coming to see him at the game store today. That was fairly random to me, because we hadn't made plans to meet up or hang out, and there wasn't anything special scheduled there. He told me he was bringing his games again and wouldn't mind seeing me. He told me, and I quote, "If only I knew you in another life."

I seriously would have kicked him if I had been in front of him. I told him I'm here now and he needs to either date me or not. He asked some more questions about poly and then made vague statements that he's made before - about how he'd be jealous, how he would want a whole lot of time from me. I reiterated what I had told him before, and that I was willing to work with his anxiety if he wanted to try. Then I told him he should try something new with the new year and date someone awesome.

He replied that he was going to and then sent me a sticker thingy on IM and disappeared.

I think he scared himself. Fucking mono guys with anxiety. I have been down this road before with the guy I dated prior to M. The only difference this time is that C3 seems a LOT more into me than that guy ever was. But, I am kind of at the edge of being poly saturated right now and I am not sure what to do.

I have mad attraction and lust for C3 - ever since I met him, I was smitten with him. If he would pull the stupid trigger, I would give him all the time he was craving, I can tell you that.

However, I also have this thing going with A. Honestly, I am not so certain that I could juggle C3 and A at the same time - I think I would have to make a choice between them, simply because C3 is long distance and it'd take a lot of my time making sure he did get what he needed out of the relationship. A is a lot easier, but I am still not feeling rip-my-clothes-off passion for him. I think another date or so might kindle that though. It is getting close.

I have this guy that I am dying to meet on OKC that I have been messaging a lot - he just gave me his number today. Anyway, he is north and another long distance option. He is married and poly and he would do well in conjunction with A as my primary boyfriend, if things work out when I finally meet him in person.

C3 would be looking to be mono with me, so I am not sure I could have a 3rd with him. And, if he is honest about what time he wants, I wouldn't necessarily even need a third, which is what I haven't really wanted at all.

B is still sort of on the back burner as well. His communication is still spotty. He would be a good third with A as well, or maybe even C3, since B doesn't have a whole lot of time to see me much it seems.

Then X from two nights ago has been messaging me, and he just asked me for another date. I don't even know what to say to him. I kinda want to keep him hanging, but that isn't really kind.

Reading this over, I can see how it ends. C3 is either going to either flake out again and make me nuts or get his act together, only to make me nuts later. I had resolved to try and push him into the friendzone, but his level of communication had picked up, and now I am hopeful again. Ugh. I just messaged him, asking if he was going to be around Friday and Saturday. The tournament may be rescheduled again for Saturday, so I need to see if ai can go up there to see him two times in a row, or if I even should. No response so far. We will see, I suppose.

Oh, and the guy from the game store that works there sent me a pic and we have dialogues some about poly and dating. I told him straight up that I had been lusting for C3 for a while. He thanked me for being honest about ipthings and what I was looking for. He told me he hadn't ever thought about poly as an option. That isn't surprising, seeing as I hadn't thought of it myself before this past August.

Oh well. I have decided to make 2014 my year for joy and optimism and even though I am all confuzzled and stressed here in my blog, in real life I am maintaining excitement and happiness that I have all these options that I never thought I would have to consider. That's pretty awesome, even if now in the short term it is stressful.

I have an earworm this week - Love Someboy by Maroon 5. It sums up my feelings for both C3 and A right now, but when I listen to it, I think of C3 the most with the original video, and A when hearing the duet cover by Justin Breit and Nicolette Mare. Mostly because the Maroon 5 video is sensual and sexy and the cover one is full of youthful happiness. Both of them make me very happy.

Truly, how wonderful it is to be a poly person. My new year is mine.
 
Oh what the hell! I swear I wrote a new post yesterday and apparently it has disappeared. Gah!

Highlights:

I had another conversation with C3 and I am done with the idea of ever dating him. For real, this time.

My test results came back clean - for everything, including Herpes type I, which surprised me. A is making an appointment for his tests, Tues or Thurs next week.

B messaged me saying he wants to see me soon.

I had a date night with A on Thursday and the weather was so terrible, I ended up sleeping over. No penetrative sex, but lots of fun. We stayed up talking and snuggling until 4:30 am.

My new metamour not only welcomed me into their home before A arrived, (bad weather had him running late) but she made everyone dinner and wrote me a thank you card the next morning! She left me a bag of chai and a dark chocolate granola bar for breakfast, since she had already left for work. Unbelievable!

X kept messaging me, so I told him I wasn't interested. The guy from the game store is still messaging me, but it doesn't feel like it is going anywhere. I am setting up a date with another guy that lives 90 minutes NE of me - he is willing to drive - because we have 96% match and he is hella cute.
 
Continuing from the last post:

Yeah, A and I are more serious now. He told me he isn't looking to date anyone else and is happy with just S and me. His type of poly is very much polyfi and he wants to be able to have everyone hang out together and have no drama. So far so good. He sent D a message without me knowing, introducing himself, giving him his phone number and asking him to please contact him if he has any questions about his intentions, type of poly or anything at all. D let me know right away, and it both amused him, and pleased him. We are scheduling something this week at my house - maybe a board game or karaoke - so my two guys can meet.

A knows I am still seeing other people and seems fine with it.

The differences between the type of poly A and S practice and what I had grown used to with M and H are legion. SO not even similar.

I don't feel NRE yet with A, though it is right there below the surface. :) whenever I think of him I feel squee. Right now I feel bubbly and happy.

Tonight I was watching the Big Bang Theory and I was thinking that A looks a lot like Leonard, only with a goatee.
 
I had a little bit of sadness yesterday, in regard to M. I threw away his toothbrush. That triggered me thinking about him later - how upset he made me, straight up promising that I would not lose my overnights during Christmas and New Years, that I would not be treated like I was secondary in that time frame, and how I was a priority, only to completely flip on every single one of those statements, and act like I was being unreasonable. I laid in bed last night feeling angry that he had done that, angry that he had broken promises before, yet I still allowed myself to believe him, angry at myself for loving him when he was so clearly not truthful about the type of poly he was practicing.

Sigh.

I didn't cry, but I did lay there and feel upset for a short while. D held me close in silence while I processed things. He is such a support.

I updated my OKC profile to reflect that I am seeing someone. I put in the first sentence that I only wanted contact from poly guys, 90%+ matches. I got over 100 visitors in the first half of the day! And one message, from a poly guy about an hour away that is a 70% match but with whom I had instant chemistry through messaging and who is absolutely gorgeous.

So I now have two sexy hot long distance poly guys who want to meet me. When it rains, it pours.
 
B is now back from his trip out of state. How do I know? He burned up my phone ALL DAY yesterday messaging me almost non-stop. First, he told me how he had spent so much time missing me and thinking about me, and how he was really wanting to see me. (Our last date was Dec 5.) so, we have a date set now for tonight when he gets out of work.

I told him how I had been thinking about him, but in the context of how we had had unprotected sex and so I had to wait to get retested and not have sex with anyone else for a month! He was contrite about that, but also kind of nonchalant - that he knew he was clean because he had been tested a year ago, and hadn't been with anyone but me, and had been having AIDS tests frequently because of his job. I was like yeah, you knew that, and I knew that, but D and M didn't. But, now that I have tested clean again, it's all good.

Holy crap I have never had hotter sexting in my life. I had to stop and go masturbate twice. And this was even though D and I have had sex 3 days in a row, which for him is some kind of crazy record. I seriously felt like I was going to burn out my synapses in my brain, I was SO horny. Even though B was trying to set up like, a real date, I told him later that I just want sex tonight. Honestly, I want it really bad from him!

So the plan is for him to pick me up from my house, get pizza, go to a local sex shop where he is going to buy me a new toy, and then go back to his place for a sleepover. I am seriously not going to want to eat any of the food - just thinking about how hot tonight is going to be has me all worked up already.

Squeee!

I talked on and off with A yesterday, and I am waiting to hear back as to when he is coming over to meet D this week. He is supposed to make an appointment for his std testing too.
 
So I took a break from writing for a few days. I was really trying to think things through.

Everyone at my house has the flu right now.

Let's see. I had a crazy day last week where I had 3 dates in a row. The first guy was like Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory. He didn't look like him, but he was him in every other way. Lives an hour and a half away. We have a 99% match on OKC. He can only see me maybe twice a month though, and I've got that already with B, so I stopped talking to him.

Date 2 had a leather jacket and a fauxhawk. Gawd. He actually said to me - "Do you know how I keep calm during first dates? I just look at the chick and imagine to myself, she has already sucked my dick and she LOVED it. That's all I do. Works every time." Yeah. He was super hot but, uh, no thanks.

Date 3 was with A because I was driving back through his town on the way home. We had dinner. He was kinda taken aback when I told him I had gone on dates. Later I messaged him and told him, listen, we haven't said anything about being girlfriend-boyfriend, you haven't gotten your STD tests yet, I can't just sit around waiting for you to decide what kind of relationship you want. He agreed that this was fair. We split a few days after that. It was amicable, actually. He is still sweet and cute but it is very clear that both of us were kinda content to leave it in the friendzone.

B is still messaging me lots and being very attentive. I was supposed to see him Saturday night but I was feeling not so healthy at that point so I called it off. He messaged me today, very concerned about me. He's being sweet. I still really consider him more as a FWB at this point because I don't feel like he is a boyfriend since he is a crazy workaholic and I would go nuts if he was my only outlet. That said, he is more than a FWB though, since we do go on dates and hang out and do more than just have sex. I guess I will just call it FWB+ at this point. Anyway, we're good.

Last Thursday I had a date with J. He's exactly one hour away. I drove out to have dinner with him - we split the bill. I had been talking to him for quite a while on both OKC and texting. He's funny, and sweet and very attractive. Seriously, I MELTED when I first met him. Not since D have I felt that kind of instant connection. I am not just talking sexually, but on all levels. It was like, hello there, I think I know you. His smile just lights up everything. We closed down the restaurant with all of our talking. He hesitated when going in for a kiss though, so I gave him a big hug goodbye. Later I teased him about it and he gave it right back over text.

J drove out to see me last night, and we again closed down the restaurant with our talking. :) He shared SO MUCH about his past and his life with me. It was pretty awesome to have all that honesty right up front. He was so fucking sweet too. Oh, and ABSOLUTELY the best kisser ever. OMG he lit me up. I wanted to pull him into my van get to freaking but instead I said goodnight.

He wants to see me again, so I think I am driving out his way on Thursday. I am trying not to be too squee over things, but he is absolutely awesome. Let's see, he has dark curly hair, is the exact same height as me and is currently single. We have a 91% match on OKC. He has been the third in an open relationship before, but never really practiced poly. That makes me a bit hesitant, but not much. He is just such a great person and guy. He just gives off this vibe of shy sweetness that parts of me just REACT with on a subatomic level. I am determined to pull back a bit and not just fall head first into things but it is SO difficult when he makes it so easy. OMG though he is cute, cute, CUTE!
 
Tuesday B called me because the weather was awful and his work had closed. I went over and had a fun afternoon hanging out with him. He has a lot of stressors right now and he wanted someone to talk them through with, so I gave him that outlet. Poor guy. I really like B a lot and enjoy time with him whenever he can get me into his schedule. I messaged him this morning about maybe getting together tonight.

I ended up seeing J on Tuesday night instead of tonight, as we had scheduled. He joked that he thought I needed a harem. Sigh. Lately it feels like that is what I am building. That said, he had his STD tests scheduled yesterday morning. I was pretty shocked at how he needed no prompting or reminders that this is a requirement for me - he actually made the appointment after our first date! That makes me feel awesome. We have a tentative date to go out again - Saturday night.

Anyway, I met his roommate on Tuesday and we talked for several hours, not realizing how terrible the weather had gotten in the meantime. We headed out for dinner around 9:30, and every single restaurant in town had closed because of the icy conditions. We did find this really fancy bar that was open, eventually, and it was $1 burger night! Bad news that we found out at the end of the evening was that they charge an insane price for drinks and our bill was astronomical. My strawberry margarita was $10! We had good conversation though, and I had to laugh because we couldn't identify most of the music playing in the bar, but out of nowhere he was like, hey! I think that is Ke$ha, isn't it? I teased him all night because it WAS Ke$ha. ("Timber" by Pitbull) why should he know that?!

Some quirks of his were evident on Tuesday night and a couple of them had me pause. We will see where this goes.

Yesterday afternoon I was cleaning out my OKC inbox and I found a series of messages I had forgotten about and overlooked. Really good looking guy, funny, charming - asking me out to dinner or hiking. I was like, oh shit, I just never responded. We had had good conversations up to that point, so I couldn't see why I hadn't gone out with him. I flipped back through and noticed he had actually visited my profile again that very same day, so of course I emailed him immediately and apologized. We ended up meeting for dinner and drinks last night. We closed down the bar!

I think I put on a very good first date face and come across as very confident. There is no doubt in my mind about what I am looking for, and I know my own intelligence. Man though - some of the guys that have been messaging me and actively pursuing me lately - I just feel like they are SO out of my league. They are super fit, sexy, attractive, dazzling, smart, well-off financially. I am just floored by the attention. I find myself asking, what is wrong with this guy for wanting to go out with me?!

I know I need to take a step back and examine why I have such low self-esteem with this. I have been working really hard at getting good at accepting compliments. However, being able to accept compliments and believe the compliments are two very different things.

Anyway, this guy last night, even though we spent the entire night together hanging out and laughing and he was VERY CLEARLY into me, and he messaged me in the wee hours of the morning, telling me to please get back to him about my weekend availability, I still have difficulty believing that he has any interest in me. Like, why would he want to date ME? I find myself throwing up guards because of that and examining his motives. Though really, I don't think they are nefarious - he's just a guy going on a date! And if he didn't really like me, wouldn't he have left after our scheduled one drink at the bar? And then he extended it to dinner, and then suggested we hang out longer at the bar, and then we closed down the bar, and then he gave me an amazing goodbye kiss. Ok, kisses.

Ugh. I need to work on this.
 
Enjoy yourself and have fun!

Stop over analyzing.
 
Ha! As if! I over analyze everything!

Where am I at now? Well, I had two back to back dates on Friday night. The first guy was the oldest I have dated yet - I believe he is 52? He exuded desperation and loneliness. Not attractive. We just met for Starbucks. He lives about an hour away. By the end of the date he had found his center and was a lot less strange. I set up a second date with him for this Wednesday, at lunch. A little unsettling, since, as he has sent me no less than 30 messages. Nothing alarming, but he is trying way too hard.

The second date on Friday was with a large black man, who I will call Greg. (I am tired of initials, so he gets a new name.) I have never dated outside my own race before, so this was significant for me. No, wait, C is Hispanic, but he doesn't really count, since he was a hookup, not someone I dated. :) Anyway, Greg and I met for Mexican food and wow - he is SO much like my husband - same mannerisms, same quiet, still, collected demeanor. It threw me off my game a bit, for sure! And just like D, it was hard for me to get a read on how he was feeling about our date. I point blank asked him toward the end, and he was like, are you serious?! Oh, I am DEFINITELY going on another date with you! I kissed him goodbye and Greg obviously didn't expect that - he wrote me a sweet text message after.

Well, J came over on Saturday, and our dinner date ran over, so we missed the movie we planned to see. So instead, we went to play pool. I am so terrible at pool, gawd! Anyway, after we did go see Gravity in 3D, which was a pleasant surprise because I didn't know it was still in theaters. Lol He did meet D that day. D told me his opinion was that J was very Jewish. Riiiiiight.

I am not sure if I will see J again, to be honest. More of his quirks are coming out and they just unsettle me a bit. He is sweet, and he gets me, but I am not as big of a fan as I was. A large part of it, I am unhappy to say, is that sexually he leaves a lot to be desired. He isn't terrible, and though he does try to make sure I am getting what I need, he is a 5 minute guy. Seriously - every time we have been intimate he is SO excited. On one hand, it's nice to know I am that attractive to someone, but on the other, it's a little frustrating to have to start and stop to wait for him to calm down. Combining that with his little weird mannerisms, well, I don't know. I think he could sense Sunday morning that I wanted him to go home early. We haven't texted since, so we see how it shakes out.

Sunday evening I had a date again with Greg. He ended up coming back to my house and he met everyone that was home - including the first guy I was ever poly with, since he happened to be hanging out with my son, in the basement. Anyway, Greg and I sat on the couch and snuggled for a couple of hours, watching youtube videos. He likes a lot of jazz and Celtic music, so that was interesting. He left for home around 11 pm, with promises of seeing me Friday night.

I like Greg.

So this week is shaking out to be a busy one. I have a lunch date on Wednesday with the guy who is trying too hard, and dinner on Friday with Greg. My OKC queue exploded again and I have a first date set up with a really cute chill sort of guy on Wednesday night. I *might* have a date tonight or Thursday with a guy I have been playing message tag with for a few weeks. Oh, and the super hot guy who I saw last week is getting back to me too. I have a dozen solid prospects in my OKC inbox at the moment, but no time to do anything but chat with them.

My attitude has changed somewhat. Rather than be despairing over having to date and just wanting things settled, I am having fun going out and meeting new people. It has been a little expensive - I always try to pay for myself on the first date, and I alternate paying on the 2nd/3rd date, etc. However, I am having fun and trying not too stress too much.
 
I don't even know where to begin with this entry. Um, I finally went out on a date with a guy that I have been messaging with for a long while, and it went spectacularly. Meaning, our 12:30 lunch date lasted until 5:30, and then the restaurant kicked us out. It would have gone on longer. This guy is absolutely awesome. We had SO much to talk about and I would have gone home with him that night if he had put it out there. Since he is a gentleman, he didn't, but damn, he is hot and smart and I am ready to jump into a relationship with him. He is monogamous, but wanting to try polyfi with me. We are supposed to see each other this week, and he bought us concert tickets to go see a band we both like next week. OOOOOH keeping my fingers crossed. I know I am squeeing waaaaaaay too much over a first date, but with all of our messages, and our similar outlooks on life - I am really, really optimistic and digging this guy.

I haven't talked to J in a week. He fizzled out and I am tired of driving to see someone who isn't clicking anymore. We just both kinda just stopped contacting each other.

Greg is cool. We don't have anything set up for this week, but we are still chatting.

Trying too hard guy is getting his STD tests done this week. I am not sure if he is right for me at all. Thinking about it, but not looking to set anything up with him until after his tests come back.

I went to a play party event this past weekend. One of the guys I have been talking to on FL and OKC was there. He was into me lots. We are still talking, but I like his FWB better. lol She doesn't live far from me and I think I have made a new BFF. :) The event was crazy fun, and I was super popular, which surprised me. I am not all that, but apparently tons of guys wanted to get to know me better. I drank a little too much and went home with a girl I met that night and crashed on her couch so I didn't die on the drive home. She is also now an awesome new friend. She invited me to a movie night at her house on Friday night, so I am going to go to that, for sure. The guy that I was talking to at the party and his FWB live nearby, so we are going to all carpool to the movie night.

Right now I am really having a great time and I feel like my life is on the upswing. I think a lot has to do with the fact that I have had so many dates, and all of them have gone really well. I haven't felt despair over my choices lately, instead I have felt empowered. It is a great feeling.
 
Had to share - he just messaged me and he's driving to see me on Saturday. He told me he has been feeling so excited and "so alive" since our date. And now that we've set the next date, he has butterflies.

OMG I need to calm the fuck down. I am just bouncing! What I love about this too, is that I met him in person, not on any dating site.

I guess I should give him a name...how does PunkRockAwesomesauce sound? :D He is so fucking cute. Squeeeeeeeeeeee
 
Love the nickname, very creative and descriptive!
 
Can I really be feeling NRE after one single date? OMG I am a nut! He is feeling it too. It's just so wonderful. To go from being so let down and sad, to feeling overwhelmed, to upbeat, to the incredible rush that is NRE - just wow.

My Fet inbox was overflowing today too - lots of guys at the party I attended who did and didn't talk to me, wanting to see if they could carve out time to get to know me better at the next event. I am still shocked by this. I was far from the most attractive woman at the party. At one point though, I noticed that I was alone in a room with at least 8 guys, all vying for my attention - laughing at my jokes, complimenting me, just being really friendly and nice. Course, they all wanted to fuck me, but it was surprising to me because there were plenty of other women for them to talk to, one room over. In fact, that room had 5 women in it, and just 2 guys. And those ladies were very hot, in my opinion.

Later that night, a guy told me that the reason I was was so attractive, was that I was clearly intelligent, confident and yes, sexy as fuck in my kneesocks and Converse hitops. He told me that guys respond to a girl who knows what she wants. I guess he was right, because I was certainly popular. I am not used to feeling that, and I am still feeling that now. It's like I said earlier - it feels empowering, and it has given me a real self esteem boost.

That said, though there were a couple of guys at the party I want to get to know better, I am enamored with PunkRockAwesomesauce right now. I am going to have difficulty falling asleep because I feel that incredible lightness that love gives to my nerve endings. Just giddy and stupid here, don't mind me. :)

Oh, and PunkRockAwesomesauce knows all about the party and the upcoming movie night. I actually told him all about my entire adventures with poly, even my worst sex ever experience. Lol I figured we needed to start out with as much honesty as possible. So far, things are great. :)
 
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I think I have a new theme song: On Top of the World by Imagine Dragons

If you love somebody
Better tell them while they’re here ’cause
They just may run away from you

You’ll never know quite when, well
Then again it just depends on
How long of time is left for you

I’ve had the highest mountains
I’ve had the deepest rivers
You can have it all but life keeps moving

I take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

I’ve tried to cut these corners
Try to take the easy way out
I kept on falling short of something

I coulda gave up then but
Then again I couldn’t have ’cause
I’ve traveled all this way for something

I take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

Oooooooo... OoooAhhhhhOoooAhhhhh[2x]

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.



Yeah, I have it bad. So does he though - we texted half the night last night, and he asked if he could message me some more today. Now he has decided to come over and snuggle with me on the couch tonight and watch some IT Crowd. Maybe we will go play trivia. I dunno. I am just so nervous and excited to see him. I don't want to screw things up but I am just so squee! He hasn't even kissed me yet! The anticipation is incredible.

Yeah, I'm on top of the world, ay!
 
So we spent the entire night laughing, talking and feeling the energy crackle between us on my couch last night, until 2 am. Then we retired to the bedroom and stayed up until 6 am. :)

We slept in until 11 am and then he had to work - we only got 5 hours of sleep total, but it was restful. He wrapped himself around me the entire time we were in bed together - a full body hug. He enjoys holding and I fell asleep pressed against him. Just wonderful. Just what I needed.

He asked what I wanted to call us - were we dating?? Left it hanging and I said, well, I would like to call you my boyfriend and he just lit up. He was hoping I would say that. :)

The NRE I am feeling is incredible. So blissful.

I did message Greg and tell him I wouldn't be seeing him anymore. That was kind of hard. He wrote back and said he was sad, that he had really liked me and that he hoped I wouldn't forget him. Aw! I didn't answer because I wasn't sure what to say. :( I had liked him, but there is no comparison.

I am going to a clothing optional pajama movie night in Baltimore tomorrow, and PunkRockAwesomesauce is ok with me going. I am kind of meh about it now, though I am excited about hanging out with the new women-friends I met last weekend. Really though, I am looking forward to seeing PunkRockAwesomesauce again on Saturday. Feeling squee!
 
I don't feel as if I need this online writing thing anymore. Thanks for reading everyone. I think this is a good place to end it - with the happy thoughts of the fact that I am enjoying my new - hopefully long-term - relationship with my boyfriend and I am still secure and crazy in love with my husband.
 
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