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Old 02-15-2019, 09:05 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 17,417

Hello Panzer,

I have some links for you to help you with your jealousy, but first I need to know if jealousy is really the problem here. Amy is spending a lot of time with Derek, and I suspect not much time with you, she is all caught up in her New Relationship Energy, and perhaps does not even realize that she is neglecting you. I don't see this as a situation where it is fair for her to punish you for your earlier deception (not telling her about Grindr, not telling her about almost ending up hooking up with a guy). Yes, it was wrong to deceive her, but you were struggling with your past trauma, and plus, two wrongs don't make a right. I think it is more important for her to get a grip on her NRE, and realize that you need her to spend more time with you. Notice I don't say you need her to spend less time with him, I don't believe that's where the problem lies, that's your jealousy talking. It's up to her to figure out how to make more time with you, if that means spending less time with him, then so be it.

Here are those links I spoke of ...
Hopefully that helps.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 02-22-2019, 01:02 PM
MsEmotional MsEmotional is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 570

It sounds like you are aware of the fact that you and your partner are not very independent. Forgive me if it has already been suggested, but this may help: https://medium.com/@PolyamorySchool/...p-f1f67abbbd49
Me: 35, F, Bicurious

Glasses: my husband of 9 years --> 36, M, Queer
Ponytail: my first-poly-date-turned-boyfriend --> 36, M, Pansexual
Whiskers: boyfriend —> 43, M, Queer
Kippah: potential —> 31, F, Pansexual

Metamours and In-Laws
Ginger: Glasses's partner --> 30ish, Transgender (FTM), LDR
Curlycue: Whiskers's wife --> 40, F
Kitchenbear: Curlycue's partner and housemate to Whiskers --> 37, M
Mover-and-Shaker: Kippah’s husband —> 32, M
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