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Old 09-14-2018, 03:59 AM
VeranosSuenor VeranosSuenor is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 1
Default Mono-poly experiences?

Hi all,
I’ve recently come out as poly to my monogamous partner.
He wants to stay in the relationship and I’m super happy.
I’m reaching out for resources or to people that might help him
better navigate and understand things from a perspective of a
person who’s monogamous in love with their polyamorous partner.
We have a helpful and well-versed therapist, but would definitely like
to get others’ perspectives. Thank you.
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Old 09-14-2018, 04:05 PM
Al99's Avatar
Al99 Al99 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 2,366

Hi VeranosSuenor and welcome to the Forum! Mono-poly relationships are usually viewed as particularly difficult - but not altogether impossible. I believe that we have a couple of regular participants here that are in mono-poly relationships. In my particular situation, my wife asked me to open our relationship a couple of years ago so that she could explore her resugrgent feelings for an old college boyfriend (full story in signature link below). The understanding from the beginning was that I was welcome to have another partner as well, so while not a true mono-poly, I did not really see any practical method of coming up with a partner - at least any time soon, so I felt like I was being asked to open the marriage for her benefit. This was a major challenge as while not morally opposed to poly (and had even read some about it because we have an openly poly friend), I did not feel it was for me personally. But, since it seemed so important to my wife, I told her that I would consider it. Eventually, what I came to believe (after a LOT of processing, reading, hours of talks, whiskey, and meditation <not at the same time> ) - I came to believe that my preference was largely cultural and that if our society was largely poly (instead of mono), that I probably would find it normal. There was obviously a lot more than that involved, but that was a major thread. Luckily, however, I met a partner here on the Forum (not a common occurrence as this is primarily a discussion forum) with whom I have a very nice ldr - and that helped more than anything else in coping with my wife having a boyfriend.

There was an epic thread on this topic with over 400 replies called "The Struggling Mono Thread" that you might find helpful. Here is the link:


Best of luck on your journey and keep us posted as it evolves! Al
Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Jill: local fwb to Al99, heterosexual female, early 50's.
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
Mike: Becky's local fwb, heterosexual male, early 50's.

My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.

Last edited by Al99; 09-14-2018 at 10:30 PM.
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Old 09-14-2018, 08:19 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 17,531

Greetings VeranosSuenor,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
Here are some more mono/poly links:
The first link in the list above is the same one that Al99 mentioned. Hopefully that helps.
Kevin T., "official greeter"


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 09-16-2018, 08:07 PM
MsEmotional MsEmotional is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 570

Ha! I read the tile of his as “Monopoly experiences?” And wasn’t sure whether to expect a thread on partners who seem to have a monopoly on the dating pool, or whether it was the about the stressful experience of playing the Monopoly board game with one’s polycule.
Me: 35, F, Bicurious

Glasses: my husband of 9 years --> 36, M, Queer
Ponytail: my first-poly-date-turned-boyfriend --> 36, M, Pansexual
Whiskers: boyfriend —> 43, M, Queer
Kippah: potential —> 31, F, Pansexual

Metamours and In-Laws
Ginger: Glasses's partner --> 30ish, Transgender (FTM), LDR
Curlycue: Whiskers's wife --> 40, F
Kitchenbear: Curlycue's partner and housemate to Whiskers --> 37, M
Mover-and-Shaker: Kippah’s husband —> 32, M
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Old 09-25-2018, 01:43 AM
Monowife67 Monowife67 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 5
Default Communication is key

In my marriage, I am the mono, he is the poly. It took years before we were able to rationally discuss the matter without me freaking out. We're still new to him pursuing this lifestyle, but we're in a good place right now.
It's not easy to just up and accept that the person you love, and know loves you is poly, but if you're honest and open with one another and figure out if/how it can work, I think there's hope.
After a lot of thinking and talking, I was comfortable enough to suggest that his female friend could be his other, since I know she's safe as far as not clingy, not looking for all of his time or attention, respects the fact that we're married, and enjoys her independence. In this sense, I'm very comfortable, and it took a lot of the fear of him looking to form a friendship with a whole new person that I didn't know anything about. They haven't done anything yet, and we've gone over what I'm okay with him doing, etc. And I have confidence that we love eachother enough to make this work.
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mono husband poly wife, mono jealousy, mono/poly, monogamous partner

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